by Pak Cham Kai
The Media Development Authority announced today that the Singapore Film Commission will be financing a series of films featuring soon-to-be Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong.
Said SFC spokesman Mrs Ho Lee Quah, "Singapore is currently trying to make DPM Lee more popular ahead of the next elections. And films are a proven way of doing this. After all, look at the example of California. Arnold Schwarzenegger, a self-confessed molester of women and admirer of Hitler, managed to become Governor by a landslide, even though his films didn't portray him particularly attractively. Imagine what can be done for DPM Lee."
In line with current blockbusters like Lord of the Rings, the Matrix and Kill Bill, the BG Lee film series will also be a multi-part story, tracing his development over the years.
The first film will be A Dutiful Mind, the account of a brilliant young mathematician, whose mind is torn between pursuing his first love for playing with numbers and the call to serve both family and country.
The second film will be The Damn Action Hero, the tale of Singapore's youngest Brigadier General and his baptism of fire. Inspired by BG Lee's heroic command during the Eniwetok accident (where a drillship langgar-ed some Sentosa cable cars), it will feature action-packed scenes of BG Lee rappelling from a helicopter to rescue citizens. Based on a true story.
The third movie is 2 Fast 2 Furious, which charts the turbulent period where Singaporeans, concerned about BG Lee's rapid rise to power, try to figure out exactly what kind of person the heir to the Prime Ministership is: a brilliant political star, or just a quick slapper with an even quicker temper?
The fourth movie relates the action-packed adventures of Singapore's Minister of Finance as he struggles to wrest control of the Singapore economy back from the clutches of dark global forces - Lord of the Sing$.
The fifth and final movie aims to leave audiences in no mind about who Singapore's master of lightning-fast hand-to-hand combat is. Finally, after so many years, BG Lee is The One!
"We expect the films to be blockbusters," said Mrs Ho. "Literally. If you don't go and watch it, we'll find your block and bust it down."
The films will also be compulsory-watching for schoolchildren under the National Education initiative. "No problems with ratings," Mrs Ho emphasized. "They're all rated NC16, for now compulsory to watch between 1 and 6 times."
Interestingly, DPM Lee himself might be directing the films. "Why not?" said Mrs Ho. "He comes from a family with a proven track record of staging political dramas."
She also dismissed any suggestion of conflict of interest. "Please, he's very at home with tackling projects that on the surface, seem to be at odds. Don't believe me? Ask his wife and brother, lah!"
Singapore filmgoers expressed cautious optimism about the film series.
"They look quite interesting. I hear DPM Lee personally hand-picked Zoe Tay to play Mdm Ho Ching," said cinema enthusiast Chia Kah Chang. "But I wonder how come all the films are patterned on big budget American movies? Surely to dispel his atas image, he should come out with something more appealing to locals. You know, like 'I Not Violent' or 'Daddy No Enough'."
*kope from
www.talkingcock.com