Touch 4D? Strike lottery? Suddenly every cousin from here to Alor Star coming to visit? Don't let this happen to you! Here's some advice from
TalkingCock.com on how to hide your winnings from mooching relatives and friends:
1. Act blur.
2. Hire a professional hitman to get rid of family members: you can afford it now.
3. Get Caller ID and always answer their phone calls with “Sorry, wrong number.”
4. Say youÂ’ve given it to the GIC for safekeeping and now, even you donÂ’t know where on earth it is.
5. Tell them you “can’t find a job in Singapore” and you have “no choice” but to leave the country to seek employment.
6. Tell them that youÂ’ve already spent it all on genital enlargement surgery.
7. Tell them youÂ’re just taking care of this BMW for some tycoon whoÂ’s being quarantined at Tan Tock Seng for suspected you-know-what.
8. Hide it in a Planta margarine tin under your bed or under your mattress. TheyÂ’ll never think of looking for it there.
9. Tell them that in line with Gahmen policy, you already gave it all to some foreign talents.
10. Say, “Sure, I’ll share it with you. You do know about the curse, right?” Then start giggling in a sinister way. (You might also want to stop blinking and maybe drool a little bit for effect.)
11. Hire some Iraqis to hide it for you – they’re doing great work with those weapons of mass destruction.
12. Say you lost it all to some guy who sold you a “magic stone”.
13. Use the money to finance the development of a time machine and send your relatives back to the dark ages.
14. Tell them this big house isn’t yours – you’re just the maid.
15. Hide it in your large intestine.
16. Say youÂ’re donating it all to a deserving charity: the Buy Me a Ferrari Foundation.
17. Eat them. (The winnings or your relatives. Your choice.)
18. Tell them you’d happily share the money with them, but that Ah Long, your loanshark, could be a bit “buay song” about it and may want to discuss it with them personally.
19. Distract them by waving around Hello Kitty toys.
20. Faster spend it, lor.
