Air Force Pilot / Maintenance Crew Interactions

• kopiosatu

  12 Jul 03, 19:44

  Actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.
  
  Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
  Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."
  
  Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
  Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."
  
  Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
  Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."
  
  Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
  Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."
  
  Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
  Solution: "Evidence removed."
  
  Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
  Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."
  
  Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
  Solution: "Live bugs on order."
  
  Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
  Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."
  
  Problem: "IFF inoperative."
  Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."
  
  Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
  Solution: "That's what they're there for."
  
  Problem: "Number three engine missing."
  Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."
  
  
• BÃ¥seline

  12 Jul 03, 19:55

  
  Actually the replies are very deadpan but it does makes sense.
• kopiosatu

  12 Jul 03, 19:56

  Can't wait to use it on the pilots
• wuming78

  13 Jul 03, 02:30

  Originally posted by BÃ¥seline:

  
  Actually the replies are very deadpan but it does makes sense.

  den u mus reply them with the straightest, most deadpan and serious face for the best effect!
• aHGer^83

  13 Jul 03, 02:31

  Originally posted by kopiosatu:

  Can't wait to use it on the pilots

  chek ark...
• Flight Cadet Officer

  13 Jul 03, 03:28

  Originally posted by kopiosatu:

  Actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.
  
  Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
  Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."
  
  Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
  Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."
  
  Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
  Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."
  
  Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
  Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."
  
  Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
  Solution: "Evidence removed."
  
  Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
  Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."
  
  Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
  Solution: "Live bugs on order."
  
  Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
  Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."
  
  Problem: "IFF inoperative."
  Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."
  
  Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
  Solution: "That's what they're there for."
  
  Problem: "Number three engine missing."
  Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."
  
  

  sick of hearing this joke over and over again whilst at flight college.
• kohanson

  13 Jul 03, 03:36

  hahahah..