*** Jokes ***
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here, you may post some jokes to keep us alive and laughing. interesting jokes please...
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*look at kopi*
*ahem* -
A Russian and an American are talking:
- When I'm in a good mood I drive a car painted a light color, says the American. When I'm busy or have a lot of troubles, I drive a darker colored car. When I go for vacation overseas, I pick a brightly colored car.
- Things are much easier in Russia, says the Russian. If you are in a good mood, they will give you a ride in yellow car with a blue stripe. If you feel bad, the car will be white and the stripe red. I was abroad only once, and there I drove a tank. -
A wife tells her husband.
Wife: I can't live with this any longer. Why do you drink vodka?
Husband: I drink it because it's a liquid. If it were solid, I'd gnaw it.
GF: Honey, what do you like better - my perfect body or my beautiful face?
BF: Your sense of humor. -
Night. A young woman walking in a park.
Suddenly a guy jumped from a shadow and is taking her to the bushes.
- Help, help, cries the girl.
- Don't shout you stupid. I can do it alone. -
Conversation at US Immigration post.........
Officer: Your name please?
Passenger: Abdul Azeez
Officer: Sex?
Passenger: Thrice a week
Officer: huh??? I mean, Male of Female?
Passenger: Doesn't matter ...... sometimes even camel! -
A Japanese girl accidentally lets out a big fart after making love.
She said, "Aww, so solly... exkooz me pleazo, flont hole so happy back hole
laugh out loud". -
A guy met this woman in a bar. They talked n soon both went to the guy's apartment. The guy took off his shirt n the woman saw there was a nike tattoo on his arm. Then the guy took off his pants n the woman saw a puma tattoo on his legs. Then the guy took off his underwear n the woman saw a aids tattoo on his penis. The woman said:"I dun want to make out with someone with aids!!!" The guy replied:"Dun worry, later it will become adidas." LOL
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A priest took a vacation to a fishing lodge. On the last day of his
trip, he hooked a monster fish and began fighting it. A few minutes
later the guide, holding a landing net, yelled, "Look at the size of that sonofabitch!"
"Please, my son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for", said the gravely embarrassed priest immediately.
"No, Father, you don't understand" explained the guide to cover up his spontaneous exclamation, "That's the species of fish you have on; it's called a 'Son of a Bitch' fish!"
"Really?" asked the surprised priest, "Well then, would you please net the Son of a Bitch for me" Once the fish was aboard, the guide
marvelled at its size."Father,that's the biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen!"
"It really IS a big Son of a Bitch" the priest beamed, "What should I do with it?"
"Why, eat it of course. I promise, you've never tasted anything as
good as one of these Sons of Bitches!"
Elated, the priest headed home. While unloading his fishing tackle and prize catch at the church's back door, Sister Mary appeared and enquired about the trip. "Take a look at this huge Son of a Bitch I caught!" the priest gushed, opening his ice chest.
Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "Father, such language from a priest!"
"It's Okay, Sister. According to my guide, that's the species of fish this one is: it's called a Son of a Bitch fish."
"Oh, well then...what are you going to do with that huge Son of a Bitch?"
"Eat it! My guide said they're great!", replied the priest.
Sister Mary then informed the priest that the Pope was scheduled to
visit in a few days. "Why don't I clean that Son of a Bitch for you, and we'll cook it for this special occasion", she volunteered.
On the night of the Pope's visit, everything went perfectly. The wine was fine, the fish excellent. The Pope leaned back from his plate and said, "This is absolutely marvellous fish, where did
you buy it?"
"We didn't buy it, Your Holiness; I caught that Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud priest. The Pope's eyes opened
wide, but he said nothing.
"And I cleaned and cooked the Son of a Bitch!", exclaimed the Sister.
The Pope looked silently at each of them. Glancing around the dining room, he saw they were alone. A big grin spread across his face as he leaned across the table and whispered, "Go get us
some more wine.You motherfuckers are my kind of people!" -
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John got off the elevator on the 50th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said.
"I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't you play with Spot, my dog, while you're waiting?" He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through."
The dog followed John onto the balcony and started rolling over. John made a hoop with his arms and Spot jumped through--over the balcony railing. Just then John's date walked out.
"Isn't Spot the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?"
"To tell the the truth, " he replied, "Spot seemed a little depressed to me!" -
A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for the past six years, but he was so timid he just never got around to suggesting marriage much less living together.
But one day, he became determined to ask her the question. So he calls her on the phone, "June."
"Yes, this is June."
"Will you marry me?"
"Of course I will! Who's this?" -
haha..ur sense of humor..LOLzOriginally posted by angel911:A wife tells her husband.
Wife: I can't live with this any longer. Why do you drink vodka?
Husband: I drink it because it's a liquid. If it were solid, I'd gnaw it.
GF: Honey, what do you like better - my perfect body or my beautiful face?
BF: Your sense of humor.
