Possessive
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We often hear people complain that their gf/bf are toooooooo possessive ...
so what degree of possessive is just right? -
possessive ==> over-protective
Anyway, i considered myself as a possessive guy. Perhaps, been possessive also mean that the person lack self-confidence!? -
possessive har?
hmmmmm.... isit controlling the one's actions. For example, hair style, length of nails, attire, who u go out wif and wat time u reach home etc etc etc.....
I believe if you love one another, there is no need to control mah....
let he/her do wat they wan
wats yours will be yours -
Me agree with Jany... Love is like an egg.. grip too hard.. it breaks..
To have a possessive spouse is like living in a prison.. No freedom
Holding on too tightly will only make things worse.. -
xav love is like an egg...
if the mother hen dun sit on it to protect it to keep it warm.
it will never hatch.
the most beautiful flower on earth also need people to take care right.
u can never have the best of both world
[This message has been edited by mahjong (edited 01 June 2002).] -
hmm.. i guess it depends on d individuals.. wat they can take n wat they expect.. fer mi i cant take it if mi bf is too possessive.. i prolly suffocate.. i feel dat he should accept who i am.. unless its change 4 d beta.. den i nuttin to sae.. shouldnt define the length of mi hair, mi nails.. haha his preference would b kept in view though.. =p
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i had a very possessive g/f once , i nv go sch she angry , dat one nvm cos maybe she wan me to study , den i talk to other gers she get damn piss off , i go disco wif frends cannot drink , if she wif me i sianz liao lar , she die die wont let me drink ,sianz leh go chiong den cannot drink how to open me techno moves rite? if she not wif me , i will drink but will call up one of me frends to ask whether i got drink , luckily me frend say dat i drink soft drink
Den smoke also cannot wat sia , pls leh my parents for how many yrs ask me dont smoke i nv listen why must i listen to her , she can some more say dat since so hard for me to quit , she only allow me to smoke 2 stick a day , Wat de fark from 1 hard pack a day cut down to 2 stick ,she must be mad , den if she call me i nv pick up fone she get angry when i fone back she start shooting vulgar at me say y nv pick up ,, at last i buey tahan i ask me frend call her n say dat i wan to break up , at last she cried , but wat to do i just cant take it if someone holds me too tight , she is a nice gal but too possessive -
"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back to you, you are meant to be together. If not, it was never meant to be."
Excessive Possessiveness can be a psychological illness. The below article is a bit long but I find it helpful.
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~
Whilst unconditional love freely flows inside out, conditional love sets its terms and is directed inwardly.
Conditional love sends out messages like this:
"I have done so much for you, so now you should do this for me."
"I need your attention, your sympathy, your consent, your time, your presence, your love."
"I want you to live your life according to my beliefs and ideas."
"I need you to need me, and to look after me exactly the way I have in mind."
"And if you donÂ’t do that, I will fall ill or become very unhappy."
This kind of relationship is psychologically suffocating, and can be even physically suffocating, for the person(s) it concerns. It does not allow personal space to the other one. The path the other one has chosen for his/her life is deliberately surpassed for the sake of someoneÂ’s egocentric purposes.
Deep down hidden in the soul of the demanding and possessive person dwells a needy little child, longing for love and appreciation. Under the surface lies deep seated insecurity and fear of loss, especially of relationships. They have difficulty with experiencing self-love and self-acceptance, and the behavior they show is a great example of compensation.
Since claiming people cannot accept to be connected with the great inner source of love through the heart, and since they cannot understand that they were born ‘okay’, they need affirmation, confirmation and domination over the persons in their near surroundings. They want you to listen patiently to twenty times their story and accept that there’s no interest in one time your story.
They need you to agree with their viewpoint and to act in accordance with their moral ideas about life. They will hold on tightly to present relationships, and show great difficulty if a child tries to break free in living its own adult life or marrying a partner. They can lay strong demands on you taking care of their health even daily, no matter if you have your own family to look after. They may obtrude their help upon you, in return for your time and gratitude. And it will never be enough.
Unfortunately in everyday life the same thing happens. They are constricting and critizising in their efforts to be the center of attention, that it leads to what they fear mostly: loss of relationships.
I think social and gentle persons are foremost prone to fall victim to the above described emotional vampires. Especially if you are a child or partner of such a person, it wonÂ’t be easy to live your own life. They may use subtle manipulation methods that speak to your heart: their willingness to help you, support you financially, their loneliness after having lost their partner, their worries about your well-being, their dependence on you, they could use ill health to draw your attention, or give hints and advices.
Please donÂ’t get me wrong: to a certain extend all these things belong to a normal relationship, but in a possessive one they are used to make you do what they want, to exercise power with velvet gloves. And if you dare to act independent, they will let you know with great self-pity or anger that you misbehave, and that you are their source of unhappiness. Of course conjuring up feelings of guilt is a mighty weapon to fight your spiritual freedom and progress.
So what to do? It is important to understand the psychology of the situation.
Please know that, no matter how loving you wish to be, you canÂ’t live somebody elseÂ’s life. It is your responsibility to do something useful with the gift of your life, and your level of happiness will let you know in as far you are aligned with your heart.
Unhappiness, illness and energy drains will show you that something is wrong. No one besides you can find your aim for this life. Calmly but persistently insist on your personal space.
Saying No to a loved one does not mean that you have stopped loving that person.
The possessive person needs to learn that relationships flower in love and freedom, not in imposed dutifulness.
Love is happily giving without thinking about receiving, and not trading tit for tat.
Someone else can never meet oneÂ’s expectations, therefore please learn to let things and people be.
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~CloneMe~
It won't rain all the time.
The sky won't fall forever.
And though the night seems long,
your tears won't fall forever. -
wah so many replies ... i no time to read lah ....
anyway, too possessive is not good for any relationship lor.
I guess we are all adults should "zhi dong"
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Agree with jAnY ...
so if u dun expect the other party to control u... then u urself should not control him/her
however most of the time the "control" was out of care and concern lorrr ...Originally posted by jAnY:I believe if you love one another, there is no need to control mah....
let he/her do wat they wan
wats yours will be yours -
Control is control is control...
Be it out of care nor concern...
It is still control...
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Oh it won't rain all the time.
The sky won't fall forever.
And though the night seems long,
your tears won't fall forever. -
self control also control..Originally posted by CloneMe72:Control is control is control...
Be it out of care nor concern...
It is still control...
but trust really very important....
there is once i misunderstand my another half being notti.... dun sleep, dun wanna take care of herself.
but i was wrong... she sacrafice her night of sleep, her resting time just becoz of 1 thing.... to sew me a pillow case...
i was so wrong and so touch....
the moral of the story..... give your love 1 some free time and u can get a pillow case that immume to humbinzz. joking only hor...
the true moral of the story... belive in your love and belive in her/him.... belive in yourself and u will not humbinzzz
[This message has been edited by mahjong (edited 03 June 2002).]
[This message has been edited by mahjong (edited 03 June 2002).] -
I guess mutual trust between 2 parties is very impt.W/o trust,there will be lots of uncertainty n disputes in between..
Therefore to build up a good relationship,trust n understanding must be present...Being Possesive is not a good idea...true enough some ppl wan to be possesive coz we are afraid of losing the other party...
Learn to put tust in yourself n the other..it does helps...Be sensitive to the things round u but remember dun be over-sensitive to the other party's actions.. -
A couple together must always trust one another. I believe that even if the both of you are together, you should have your own space to do your own things and go out with your friends and family.
Although one might be possesive, there is a limit to it. You cannot control the other half's actions,character and mind. That is over-possesive. We learn and grow together and not mould into someone you want me to be! -
can be possesive la... if
your another half is a robot.
they will do what u request.
even jump down from westin. -
You do not know you are being possessive if your mate is a weak-willed person.
Only through the eyes & ears of others could they see the whole picture.
Control is control is control.
People will only let others control them if
1) they like being controlled,
2) they are unable to break free of the control.
3) they give you an impression that they are being controlled where in fact they are in control.
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Oh it won't rain all the time.
The sky won't fall forever.
And though the night seems long,
your tears won't fall forever. -
so cloneme...
u are controller??
or in control??
or being control??
P.S : U on top or below -
I am the sum of all three.Originally posted by mahjong:so cloneme...
u are controller??
or in control??
or being control??
P.S : U on top or below
I live therefore I am.
I give therefore I receive.
I love therefore I am free.
P.S. Top, bottom, left, right, center...
does it matter when the ultimate goal is the same?