WANTED URGENTLY: Footballers for international
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WANTED URGENTLY: Footballers for international 11-a-side teams to play midweek fixtures. RSVP Fabio Capello, the FA, Wembley Stadium.
Organising the England squads this week has resembled a bunch of blokes down the pub trying desperately to sort out their weekly kickabout.
Time after time, the nation's top footballers have dropped out of games and left coaches scrambling for replacements.
And it's not just Three Lions boss Capello who is suffering from frustrating withdrawal symptoms.
Across the four national teams in action this week — at senior, Under-21, Under-20 and Under-19 levels — there have been a total of 25 PLAYERS who have been ruled out.
For Capello, it means he will have to select a new England captain as Rio Ferdinand and Steven Gerrard are missing for the clash in Denmark on Wednesday.
Ferdinand was not even named in the squad because of a calf injury while Gerrard pulled out after picking up a knock in Liverpool's win over Chelsea on Sunday.
Keeper Ben Foster, Tottenham striker Peter Crouch and Gabriel Agbonlahor are also missing from the senior squad.
But it is Stuart Pearce's U-21 side who have been hit hardest ahead of their match in Italy on Tuesday afternoon.
Psycho only has one recognised centre-back in his 19-man squad after EIGHT withdrawals and Kyle Walker's promotion to the seniors.
Six defenders — Kieran Gibbs, Martin Kelly, Micah Richards, Chris Smalling, James Tomkins and Walker — are out.
They are joined by Aston Villa midfielder Fabian Delph, Sunderland's Jordan Henderson and Chelsea striker Danny Sturridge, who is on loan at Bolton.
Pearce has called up five players to cover their absence, including Leeds captain Jonny Howson — who gets his first U-21 nod.
Elsewhere, Pearce's U-20 counterpart Brian Eastick is without six of his first-choice team.
And U-19s boss Noel Blake has suffered three withdrawals and seen Josh McEachran and Alex Chamberlain promoted to the U-21s.
After all their troubles, Capello & Co will be more than entitled to a relaxing pint down the boozer this week!
England's missing men
Seniors: Denmark v England, Wednesday, 7.15pm, Copenhagen
Gabriel Agbonlahor - OUT - No replacement
Peter Crouch - OUT - Replaced by Carlton Cole
Rio Ferdinand - OUT - Did not make squad
Ben Foster - OUT - Replaced by Robert Green
Steven Gerrard - OUT - No replacement
Under-21s: Italy v England, Tuesday, 2pm, Empoli
Fabian Delph - OUT - Replaced by Jonny Howson
Kieran Gibbs - OUT - Replaced by Kyle Naughton
Jordan Henderson - OUT - Replaced by Josh McEachran
Martin Kelly - OUT - No replacement
Micah Richards - OUT - No replacement
Chris Smalling - OUT - No replacement
Daniel Sturridge - OUT - Replaced by James Vaughan
James Tomkins - OUT - No replacement
Kyle Walker - Promoted to Seniors - Replaced by Kieran Trippier
Under-20s: England v France, Wednesday, 7.30pm, Shrewsbury
Nathan Baker - OUT - Replaced by Reece Brown
Steven Caulker - OUT - Replaced by James Wallace
Nathaniel Clyne - OUT - Replaced by Jordan Clarke
Alex Nimely - OUT - Replaced by Ryan Mason
Nile Ranger - OUT - No replacement
Sanchez Watt - OUT - Replaced by Josh Morris
Under-19s: England v Germany, Tuesday, 7.30pm, Chesterfield
Benik Afobe - OUT - Replaced by Saido Berahino
Alex Chamberlain - Promoted to U-21s - Replaced by Jordan Slew
Josh McEachran - Promoted to U-21s - Replaced by Jake Nicholson
Jonjo Shelvey - OUT - Replaced by Thomas Ince
Ryan Tunnicliffe - OUT - Replaced by George Thorne.
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Fabregas and Van Persie pull out of Spain and Holland squads with viruses
Doom and gloom: Fabregas (left) will miss Spain's clash with Columbia
Arsenal pair Cesc Fabregas and Robin van Persie have pulled out of Wednesday's midweek international friendlies for Spain and Holland respectively.
Gunners captain Fabregas will miss Spain's friendly against Columbia with a stomach bug, whilst striker Van Persie who was due for a run-out against Austria is out with flu.
Both Fabregas and Van Persie played the full 90 minutes against Newcastle, with the later scoring twice, for the Gunners in their 4-4 draw with Newcastle at the weekend.
With Van Persie now deemed unfit to travel to his native homeland for the clash in Eindhoven, Holland boss Bert van Marwijk, who is also without midfielders Rafael van der Vaart and Nigel de Jong, has called up FC Twente's Luuk de Jong as a replacement.
Van the man: Van Persie has withdrawn from Holland squad citing flu
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Kelly out of England Under 21 clash with Italy leaving Pearce with defensive nightmare
Injury woe: Kelly becomes the sixth defender to pull out of Pearce's squad
Liverpool defender Martin Kelly has pulled out of the England Under-21 squad ahead of tomorrow's clash with Italy.
Kelly played the full match for Liverpool against Chelsea yesterday in the Barclays Premier League but sustained a knock during the game.
The Football Association confirmed Kelly's withdrawal this morning, ahead of the team's departure for the clash in Empoli.
England Under-21 coach Stuart Pearce has now lost six defenders for the trip, with Kieran Gibbs, Micah Richards, Chris Smalling, Kyle Walker and James Tomkins all out.
While Walker was promoted to the senior squad for Wednesday's international in Denmark, the other five have been lost to injury.
Sunderland midfielder Jordan Henderson, Bolton's on-loan striker Daniel Sturridge and Aston Villa midfielder Fabian Delph also previously withdrew from the group.
Leeds captain Jonny Howson was yesterday called into the squad for the first time as a replacement, and has been joined by Chelsea's Josh McEachran, Barnsley's Kieran Tripper, Leicester loanee Kyle Naughton and Crystal Palace forward James Vaughan.
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over the years, the usual suspects are always missing, but they will turn up 100% for their clubs.