Hard economic times hits the High End Girlfriend Index.
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Hard economic times hits the High End Girlfriend Index
Wednesday, September 17th 2008, 8:06 PM
Hard economic times mean romantic interludes may be too costly even for many rich schlubs.
The Dow Jones industrial average rebounded a bit Tuesday, but the true index for measuring hard times - the High End Girlfriend Index - was off the charts.
The HEGI is charted by Edward Hayes, a noted lawyer who started as a Bronx homicide prosecutor but has become the go-to guy among the city's moneyed classes when promises are broken.
"Particularly if you happen to be a woman in trouble," Hayes says.
The model for the defense lawyer in Tom Wolfe's "Bonfire of the Vanities," Hayes is an astute observer of social archetypes, including a particular sort of schlub who was invisible to girls in high school but became a magnetic figure thanks to the magic of millions.
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"You have a Wall Street guy and he looks like one of the seven dwarfs," Hayes says.
The schlub finds himself with a fabulous girlfriend such as used to brush pasthim as if he were a wall. He will do almost anything to keep her if his magic millions suddenly evaporate, even selling his watch and cuff links.
"The last overhead to go is a really high-end girlfriend," Hayes says. "If you're a short, ugly 40-year-old guy and you're throwing over a high-quality girlfriend, you're desperate."
The absolute economic low comes with a realization that Hayes summarizes in a sentence.
"I can't afford her anymore!"
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When he hears of one tumbling titan after another giving up a fabulous girlfriend, Hayes knows we are in the direst of economic times, no matter what the Dow says.
"I see the end of the world here every day," Hayes says.
For good measure, the HEGI is confirmed by the High End Stripper Index. Hayes allows he has a certain admiration for the strippers he has represented.
"They're all homecoming queens with no fathers who are in grad school," Hayes boasts. The tuition has become increasingly difficult to pay in recent days, with some strippers resorting to selling their favors.
"No investment bankers go in and throw $100 a pop at them anymore," Hayes says.
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The girlfriends sometimes find that a guy will attempt the sort of maneuver he might use with the company books.
One woman came to Hayes saying her banker boyfriend had given her a multimillion-dollar house, only to siphon off its value with what might be called a sub-slime mortgage.
"I went and had a talk with him and it got straightened out," Hayes recalls.
Too bad nobody went and had a talkwith the big shots at Fannie Mae andFreddie Mac and Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers about what they were doing to their investors.
"It's a failure of a whole way of life," Hayes says. "They have no concept of, 'I'm managing somebody else's money and have to be careful.' It's, 'How can I make as much as I can for myself?'"
The sub-slime at the very top figure to remain rich, no matter how many other people are hurt, no matter how bad the HEGI gets.
"How come nobody goes to jail?" Hayes wonders.
I thought when economy is bad , the first thing u start to cut off are ur women. lol.. i mean those.. high maintanence outside-girlfriends. he he
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Interesting article... hehehe
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what is the situation over at singapore?