i lost my direction again. it feels so meaningless to go to work everyday. the place is depressing. or rather, i feel so depressed every time i am at that place.
meaning... the more i search for it, the further i get away from it. as such i have "given up" the search for meaning, for fulfilment, for passion, for right livelihood, if ever there is one.
i was a strong believer in passion. nowadays, i work for money. time is burnt away doing meaningless work. i work out of guilt ... for my parents. out of fear, inherited from my parents.