Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior
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I don't think Chinese mothers are "superior". I think it depends on the yardstick you use. If you're interested in instilling discipline in children and achieving feats, then yes, I feel that most Chinese moms are strict enough, and sometimes too strict.
One of the striking things I saw in the workplaces here when I first moved to Melbourne, was how low the standards were. Compared to the Singapore workplace, the Aussies get praised much more for doing / knowing much less! The uni students / grads would come to work not knowing the basics, stuff that over here, you'd jolly well know at the back of your hand or else face humiliation and scolding! When mistakes are made here, you can be sure that there will be consequences and although you may weep and feel really bad about it, the important thing is, we learn out of the incident, and we never repeat the same mistake ever again. In contrast, when mistakes are made in the workplaces here, it's a pat on the back, "It's alright! Don't worry! You're fine!", and that's about it - whipped by a feather. I find there's too much pussyfooting here, and most of the Singaporeans working in my profession share the same observations.
As a result, we get cohorts of grads who are full of themselves, think that they know everything and end up being pretty boastful, talk down to their seniors and boss them around, and even when they commit an error, you have to be really careful how you approach them because they can turn the tables on you and make it out to be a case of you bullying them and not "helping to create a conducive environment for learning" and/or not being approachable.
And... get this... you aren't exactly allowed to fail them nor give them bad grades because then, they'll go crying / complaining to their supervisors, and then you'll get approached and 'counselled' on how to be a 'better mentor' the next time round!
All this stems from parents who mollycuddle too much and are overly concerned about bruising their kids fragile self-esteem and egos. Never having been told that they need to brush up on their work, put in more effort in their studies, etc, these people then grow up to be folks who believe the world of themselves and toot their own horns loudly even though in reality, they are just mediocre workers who are just really good in Public Relations. Sure, their social skills may end up being more refined but the crux of the matter is, if you strip off the veneer, you don't really see a good, solid foundation. Think of candyfloss - voluminous on the outside, but as it all melts on contact in the mouth or on the fingers, you realise that it's just a little bit of sugar being poofed up manifold. Think empty vessels making the most noise.
Instilling discipline in children is very important, so is ensuring that the basic skills are learnt when they are in school. Sure, playtime is very important, but from an early age, they should learn discipline and realise that work, ie. studies comes first, THEN play.
I think the Chinese might take it to the extreme sometimes cause it might be all work and no play for the poor kids. And Chinese parents do verbally abuse their children in general. Whilst most kids grow up alright, there are kids who, being more sensitive and emotional in nature, might end up being emotionally scarred although to encounter a Chinese kid who goes postal from these childhood incidents is pretty rare, compared to the Western counterparts. I think the Chinese kids might just be more resilient in a sense because they had to learn from a young age to deal with harsh criticisms, to accept failure and feel the sting and pain of not being a success and then subsequently becoming determined to succeed and not wanting to fail again. This is a good quality to instill in children and with that character, they will grow up to become adults who strive to achieve higher standards at work, and not be satisfied with getting lots of nice, feel-good comments for merely mediocre work.
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Here is a good quote from an article regard to the Tiger mom.........
Such a gift, childhood. We only get one, you know. And if you don't use it well, wisely and with a certain amount of gusto, it often catches up with you later (Tiger Woods, Michael Jackson). They didn't get to behave like kids when they were kids. So they behaved like kids when they were adults.
there is always a balance......I would like to see her kids after they turn 18.....when they gain their legal rights. Lets hope she won't bang her head onto the Wall...when they stop listening.
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What I find amusing is the rest of the mothers who horrifying tried to defend child-rearing methods by saying things like 'My children don't get all As in school!!! Sometimes they fail!!!' like that's a good thing.
While tiger mom's methods may be extreme, I always find it a bit strange how more 'open minded' parents tend to equate or confuse:
- discipline with fierceness
- firmness and consistency with inflexibility.
- Expectations with pressure.
- No with negativity
The reality is most people NEED to learn discipline and you don't have to be fierce to teach it you just need to be firm.
And being firm and consistent is actually very comforting to children because your standards are reliable. It shows them you mean what you say, and this really means you don't have to raise your voice or be fierce once they learn that you mean what you say.
Expectations too are something which help children. You set the bar for them to meet it. Setting a low standard and giving cheap praise just end up resulting in children who are not resilient and are needy for praise and acceptance. It is also the process to teach your kids to set their own expectations for themselves.
Lastly, I know a lot of parents who find it hard say 'no' to their children. They find it so difficult to reject their kids' requests. But an article I read which I felt makes a lot of sense says that when you say no to your children, and give them the reasons for saying no - you teach them to say 'no' to themselves and to others in future. You don't want to raise a kid who is a doormat or a pushover!
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For the last 20 yrs have we seen any outstanding individual that is recognized internationally from Singapore?
What does it say about the totality of the way we bring up our Young.............. I am afraid all said and done nothing to show case so nothing to brad about....right?
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Originally posted by Arapahoe:
For the last 20 yrs have we seen any outstanding individual that is recognized internationally from Singapore?
What does it say about the totality of the way we bring up our Young.............. I am afraid all said and done nothing to show case so nothing to brad about....right?
I think one of the biggest reasons is that Singaporean parents tend to try to bring up their children to be 'mainstream'. By ensuring they become the model 'average' citizen, they also guarantee their kids to have a normal 'average' sort of life.Thus, we DO have a group of comparatively stable citizens, and as such, a much more stable society and environment.We have much MUCH fewer starving artists, raving poets, etc etc.
Downside is there is a lot less tolerance for anything outside of the ordinary, for taking risks, for being special or attracting too much attention, for experimentation in non-mainstream areas or 'weird' creative - all the landmarks of a rich environment for breeding creative inventive geniuses and business people. (Also a lot less representatives from subcultures - like Japan or US)
Our inventive geniuses/business people die out in primary 1. :P but at least (So far) we don't have to worry about our kids getting shot in high school or turning goth and thinking they are vampires.. etc etc.. .
Then again, we have to worry about them gettin stabbed by cowardly gangs. Damn.
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I look at the Generation Y over here, and I think there's a lack of discipline in general. Well, when the pervasive principle in bringing up kids here is to place a huge emphasis on their self-esteem and there is not much scolding nor setting firm limits nor encouraging hard work in school, the kids grow up being self-indulgent and unable to accept discipline. A lot have no respect for others either, because they've grown up thinking they are the center of the universe and hence everything should revolve around them.
It worries me when I see Gen Y nurses in the hospitals here graduating, and thinking that they already know-it-all. If we so much as try to tell them that they need to practice the correct technique for some clinical procedure, it's like treading over broken glass because the slightest sternness in your voice, the wrong choice of words, the wrong intonation, etc and they will lodge a complaint that you were "bullying" / "intimidating" them.
Once, when I pointed out to a fresh grad that in order to practice safely when counting Drugs of Addiction, we have to proceed with certain steps as per hospital protocol, she shouted at me, "Do not tell me what to do!" I only care because in hospitals, someone's mistakes or carelessness can result in dire consequences and we're talking about people's lives. Too many here don't seem to take their jobs seriously enough. So many things are left undone, or done wrongly, and the general attitude is, "I've finished my shift, goodbye!".
Now that I'm studying alongside Aussies, I've learnt too that even if they do not really understand something, a lot of them pretend they do and they know how to speak so well and protray themselves so well that they appear confident... even if they might be doing the wrong things! Sure there are those humble enough to ask, but I find that the tendency is to appear confident and 'intelligent' even if they aren't sure. I've found out first-hand how much someone REALLY knows about a subject matter by asking questions and observing their practice when they don't know they are being watched. If I think they are open to guidance and gentle advice, I will offer some help to them. But if I think they are the obstinate, strong-headed and stubborn sort, I'll just let them carry on their merry ways and intervene only when I think they are really compromising patient safety. And even then, I have to phrase it very gently in so many words so that I won't hurt their fragile self-esteem.
Another foreign migrant friend of mine had a discussion with me once and we came to the conclusion that it's scary when you do not know what you do not know. There are certain concepts in medicine / nursing that are complicated and whilst it may be easy to understand, it's tough to know the principles well enough to be able to apply them quickly and safely in the workplace. And yet, too many go into it thinking it's all 'easy'. When you belittle what you're up against, the whole situation becomes a ticking time-bomb waiting to explode someday.
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you worried too much....Gen Y are here to stay. Live with it. Tiger mom have to deal with her daughther when they turn 18s.
Just remember.....Many had walked the walk of consequence. Can't use the same yardstick to every kids.
Its not the scoring "A' that matters, because they engage Maid to do their BBQ......
on a daily basis i encounter healthcare worker making mistake.....across Asia. So its across the board.