MANAGING DIFFICULT CUSTOMER SITUATIONS PROFESSIONALLY
Defining Difficult Customers
Ask yourself:
Who are difficult?
Why are they difficult?
What is the difference between an angry customer and a difficult customer?
People act difficult because it is so effective, and up until now has more or less fuelled their feeling of power (they can shout you down)
Enforced their feelings that being difficult is an acceptable way to communicate (perhaps no one has challenged them?)
Delivered the results they want – Difficult people hope that because of their difficult behaviour you will start to give priority to their wishes (because of the consequences)
MANAGING DIFFICULT CUSTOMER SITUATIONS PROFESSIONALLY
Communication Channels
Face-to-Face Communication
55% Body Language
38% The way you say those words
7% Words
In face-to-face communication with others, people read your body language (facial expression, posture, gesture) first, listen to your tone of voice to determine the meaning of your words
Non-verbal signals are said to be at least four and half times as effective as verbal signals; facial expressions eight times as powerful as the words used
Body language is subconscious. We do not necessarily understand/realize the messages we are sending. Our body language will often give away our true feelings despite what we say
Body language communicates your attitude. How you feel on a certain day will show in your body language and in your voice
Telephone Communication
82% Tone of voice
18% Words
In the case of telephone communication, it is from your tone of voice that others determine the meaning of what you said
MANAGING DIFFICULT CUSTOMER SITUATIONS PROFESSIONALLY
Assertive Communication
What is Assertiveness?
Assertiveness = Ability to express one’s feelings, opinions, wants and needs in a direct and honest manner
Ability to say “no” without feeling guilty and sticking to it
Feel comfortable using “I” and not “we” or “you”
Remain silent by choice
Assertiveness is a characteristic of behaviour not of a person. We are not born assertive: it is something that we need to learn
An assertive person is someone with a positive mental attitude, self-belief and confidence to express opinions. Such a person listens to others and does not impose his or her views on others
Assertiveness behaviour is not a natural form of behaviour for human beings
Humans are primed to behave in a certain way when face with danger. Our natural flexes will cause either fight (can be translated into aggressive behaviour) or take flight (can be translated into submissive behaviour)
Aggression
Assertiveness ≠ Aggression
Aggression = Self-enhancing behaviour at the expense of others
Aggressive behaviour = Feelings of others are ignored, violated and not taken into consideration
Result of aggressive behaviour = the other party feels hurt, angry and revengeful
Submissiveness
Assertiveness ≠ Submissiveness
Submissiveness behaviour means neglecting to defend your personal rights and beliefs
Putting the rights of others before your own rights
One may become submissive when faced with a bully, or someone in an authoritative position
A submissive person tends to suppress his/her feelings and suppression of negative feelings – hurt, anger, frustrations, etc – for a too long time is unhealthy and it can lead to certain problems
Problems include:
I. emotional – anxiety, fear, depression, low self-esteem
II. behavioural – aggression, withdrawal, obsession
Benefits of Being Assertive
Advantages of Assertiveness
Develop your communication skills
Gain the respect of others
The relationship is strengthened by the exchange: Assertiveness washes away uncertainty and confusion that undermines relationship
Your needs, wants and feelings are understood
Enhance your confidence and self-esteem
You feel in control of your own life
You experience fewer conflicts and arguments, experience great job satisfaction
Above all, an assertive person can learn to negotiate mutually satisfactory solutions to a variety of interpersonal problems
Obstacles to Assertiveness
Do not know how to be assertive
Of the opinion that it is “bad” to be assertive
Fear of consequences
Unequal power in the relationship
Assertive Self-Assessment
Types of Assertion
Basic
Empathic
Escalating
I-Language
Basic Assertion
Simple, straightforward expression of your beliefs, feelings, or opinions
Usual simple “I want” or “I feel” statement
Empathic Assertion
This conveys come sensitivity to the other person
It contains two parts: a recognition of the other person’s situation or feelings, followed by a statement in which you stand up for your rights
Example:
“I know you’ve really been busy, but I want to feel that this project is important to you. I want/like you to make time for me and for us…
Escalating Assertion
It may include some type of resulting action on your part
Example:
If you don’t complete your work by 4 p.m. today, I will be forced to submit the project proposal without your contribution
I-Language Assertion
“I”-language assertion is very useful for expressing negative feelings
It involves a 3-part statement
I. When you do… (describe the exact behaviour of the other person)
II. The effects are… (describe how the behaviour concretely affects you i.e. what is happening because of their behaviour)
III. I’d prefer… (describe your feelings & what you want)
It helps you to constructively focus your feelings and give the other person complete information, leaving no room for doubt
Example:
“When you turn up late for the meeting (behaviour), I feel upset (feelings) because we have to repeat everything all of us had heard and that took us another half an hour (effect).”
Assertive Communication Skills
Assertive Skills
1. Use open secure body language
2. Use calm moderate tone of voice
3. Use assertive language
Nonverbal Assertiveness
- Open secure body language
I. Maintain eye contact when speaking to the other party
Importance of Eye Contact
If you as a speaker look at a listener, it may be a signal of confidence in what you say
If you as a listener look away from a speaker, it may indicate that you are dissatisfied with what is being said or that you are trying to conceal your reaction to the speaker’s word
Nonverbal Assertiveness
- Open secure body language
I. Maintain eye contact when speaking to the other party
II. If standing, stand straight with both feet firmly on ground; standing tall helps you to project authority
III. If sitting, sit up straight – do not slouch. Sitting up gives the impression you’re in control
IV. Arms by the side – not in the pockets; little gesturing – the less you gesture, the more powerful you will be perceived
Non-Assertive Body Language
I. Eye blinking rapidly, squinting, staring or looking away from other party’s face
II. Wetting lips, clearing throat, swallowing repeatedly
III. Scratching head, touching different parts of the face/hair/body (like the fingernails)
IV. Wandering, pacing, shifting weight from one foot to another
V. Tinkering with jewelry, adjusting clothing
Powerful Speech
- Calm Moderate Tone of Voice
I. Speak clearly – articulate your words well
II. Speaking rate – Submissive people speak too slow while aggressive people too loud. Moderate your speaking rate. Eliminate disfluencies –such as “er”, “ah”, “okay”, “you know” etc – from your speech. No verbal pauses. No hedges – “Don’t get me wrong but…” Speak with confidence yet sound calm/in control
Assertive Skills
Scenario: You are going to speak to one of your customers who has made some complaint about your unit’s poor service. He has previously taken up a lot of your time with similar complaints. He is very difficult and you find handling him tough and stressful. What will be the inner voice inside be saying?
Possible inner voice: “Oh no… not him again. I can’t stand him. He is so unreasonable.”
Difficult for one to project a powerful, calm moderate voice if one had negative inner voice
With that negative inner voice, you will usually end up either behaving submissively or aggressively
Positive Attitude
Instead one need to have a positive inner voice: “He is a difficult person but I can manage him. I can keep calm.”
If you feel you are losing your calm with a very difficult person, do not be discouraged. Tell yourself “I will do better next time. I can and will keep calmer.”
Assertive Skills
- Use Assertive Language
Use “I” statements
Broken record – repeating what you want, be persistent
Acknowledge what the other person is saying, then repeat your view, opinion etc
Provide feedback – respond to what the other person is saying
Language of Assertiveness
“I” statements
I think…
I want…
I feel…
Statements of personal reference & personal meaning
This is the way I see it.
This is what it means to me.
In my opinion…
Language of Assertiveness
Asking for time
I like to discuss this is an hour.
Asking for clarification – instead of assuming
I like to clarify with you…
Statements of Request
I need…
I want…
Statements offering compromise
I would like this…
I think…And what do you think?
We can work this out. What time is good for you?
What would you like?
Lets us…
Shall we…
Avoid demanding and blaming statements
You make me…
You think…
You should have/shouldn’t have
If only you had/would…
Don’t you think you…
You are wrong/Its your fault
Assertive Skills
- Making Requests
If you have to give a reason, make sure it is genuine and make it brief; otherwise no need to justify for making request
- Refusing requests
Keep your reply short but not abrupt: “I prefer not to”, “I rather not”**
** This is not appropriate in the case of external customers
Avoid saying “I can’t” phrases which sound like excuses
With short replies, you need to slow down, speak steadily and with warmth otherwise the reply can sound abrupt
Buy yourself some time – If you can’t say ‘no’ then buy yourself some time. In other words, do not commit yourself straight away
Ways of “buying” time: asking for clarification or information
“I need to look into this. I’ll get back to you in half an hour/next day.”
“I need to check my schedule before agreeing to help in the project. I will call you this afternoon.”
“What detail do I need to go into?”
- Offering compromise
Use questions to find out thoughts, opinions and wants of others: “How does that fit with your plans?” “What does it involve?” “What are your thoughts on …?”
Vs “Er… well I thought you might like to…”
Use cooperative words “Let us…”, “Shall we…”, “I can…and you help by…”
MANAGING DIFFICULT CUSTOMER SITUATIONS PROFESSIONALLY
The Art of Saying No
Saying “no” to customer is difficult. If it is done in the wrong manner, then you may be escalating a problem or lose a customer
Before saying “no” to a customer, consider two things:
why saying no is merited – is it a clear “no-no” or does it belong to the “grey area”? Can you make an exception?
when you really have to say no, the way you say no makes a BIG difference
Use a three-part “no” statement
Part one of your no should be an apology. Say it with sincerity; if the customer perceived it as sincere, he is more likely to accept it, will become calmer and more receptive to discussing the problem with you
Following the “no” is an explanation of why an exception cannot be made. If the explanation why an exception cannot be made sounds legitimate, the customer will be more inclined to accept it. Again, your tone will make the difference: If you sound unsure or tentative, the customer will most likely try to take advantage
Final part is to tell your customer what you can do for them – any extra effort will be greatly appreciated by your customer
Remember every customer knows that it isn’t always possible to get a “yes” answer. If there is a legitimate reason for saying “no” and the “no” is said in the nicest possible manner, you minimize the possibility of a negative reaction
Other considerations:
Deliver the bad news upfront. Do not procrastinate. The sooner you tell the customer the bad news the more control the customer has over the outcome. Also deliver the bad news in a calm manner: the calmer you can deliver the bad news, the calmer it will be received
Avoid triggering words or phrases
Choose neutral words and phrases
Triggering Words
- Triggering words are words or phrases that
give the impression of you “giving order” to customers
reflect the “I-do-not-care” attitude
sound accusing/blaming the customers
sound like giving excuses
|
Triggering word/phrases |
Collaborating/Defusing phrases |
|
You should/shouldn’t have… |
Lets us/Shall we… |
|
There is nothing I can do |
What I will/can do is… |
|
I don’t know/I am not in charge of that… |
Let me check if for you |
|
Why didn’t/can’t you… |
I can understand the situation… |
|
Sorry that’s our rule/regulation/policy |
In order to provide you with great service… |
MANAGING DIFFICULT CUSTOMER SITUATIONS PROFESSIONALLY
Strategies for handling Dissatisfaction
- Before one can intervene effectively, one must
understand what’s behind the nasty customer outburst by looking at the nature of customer’s problems and emotions
manage one’s own emotions/responses
Understanding Nature of Customers’ Problems & Emotions
- What a Problem is…
A problem is the difference between what we want to happen and what actually happens (Source: Stephen Covey)
When there is a problem, customer will be concerned
A customer’s concern refers to any EMOTION surrounding the facts of a problem
Dissatisfaction increases or continues when that emotion or feeling is not well handled
An issue becomes a BIG issue if customer’s emotion/feeling is not well handled
On the contrary, if customer’s emotion is handled properly, even big issue can be resolved
NEVER allow the “emotional wall” to become thicker and thicker; it will take a lot from you to penetrate to resolve the real issue
Deal with the Emotion first before dealing with the Issue
Understanding Customers’ Behaviour
Research has shown that 90% of angry/upset customers whose complaints are resolved quickly will return as customers. They become your repeat customers
Major Problems
(over $100 losses)
Minor Problems
($1 - $5 losses)
Managing Own Responses
When a customer behaves poorly, one thing for certain is that the service provider will be affected, and the company may suffer from declining employee satisfaction and performance
As a service provider, you must learn to manage your own emotions before you attempt to satisfy your irate customer
Stay calm – This is easier said than done. But with conscious efforts and with some practice one can master it. Do not allow your own “emotional wall” to grow
Listen to your heart – monitor yourself for the signs of physical arousal; if you are revved up, then breathe deeply, calm yourself down first. If you are calm and thinking you will say something constructive
Have positive self-talk: tell yourself “I CAN manage this.” – repeatedly if necessary. The purpose is to take control of yourself – forcing yourself to think, to use your rational brain
Techniques to use:
Give them a break – They have some personal problem that has nothing to do with you
Refuse to act like a victim
Refuse to like a difficult person
Aim yourself towards a positive direction: you can learn something from them
Visualize yourself unplugged from them as if from an electric socket
- Basic principle in handling difficult people:
You cannot change another person’s action
you can only change your own reaction
Remember:
Only 10% of life is what happens to you – the other 90% is how you choose to react to it (Charles Swindoll)
How to defuse Anger?
Empathetic Listening
Engaging in blame displacement
Apology
Necessary corrective actions by service providers
- Empathetic Listening
Empathy is the ability to put yourself in another person’s shoes and walk a mile; it is the ability to imagine what it might be like to experience what the other person is
Empathy is essential in dealing with customers who are upset or angry
When a person is highly emotional, the “primitive” part of the brain (which controls emotions in humans; which also gives us our “instinct” – our fight or flight response) takes over. It is powerful and dominates the other part of the brain, the neocortex (the rational brain). That’s why when one is very angry or very upset, one usually cannot reason well
It takes effort on the part of the emotional person to wrest control of the brain and let the rational brain take over
The passage of time helps the above process, along with deep breathing and other means self-regulation
As service providers, we can calm an upset or a angry customer by expressing empathy as it helps to absorb emotion, allowing the agitated person to think more logically
By showing empathy, customer realizes you are on his side and he is more willing to talk to you, work with you to fix the problem, allow you to resolve the problem
Listening with empathy does not “just happened” especially when you are on the receiving end: you have to do it consciously
One must desire to listen in order to listen well. The Chinese character below clearly shows that if one uses only the ear, then one hears but not listens.
To listen well, one must gather information through his sense of sight & listen “wholeheartedly”
“Non-Reflective Listening”
- Signs that you are not listening with empathy:
You listen with the intent to reply. When you do that, you often make premature evaluation, i.e. explaining too quickly to justify yourself before the customer finishes saying everything he/she wants to say
You listen but to get even with or get back at customer because you think you heard something that was bothersome
- Empathetic Listening
To show empathy, simply reflect on the feelings and repeat or rephrase the content
“3R’s of Paraphrasing”
- Empathetic Response
Repeat Content
Rephrase Content
Reflect Feelings
“Importance of Paraphrasing”
Build rapport: via paraphrasing
Words, phrases and images people use give us important information about the inner worlds they inhabit. By pacing this aspect of their speech, you are telling them that you understand them and they can trust you
- Examples of Empathetic Listening
I can see why this is upsetting for you. Please let me help you with that.
I will be upset if that happens to me.
That is really frustrating. I can understand how you feel.
Use empathetic response and ask for time: Disrupt the angry person by slowing down by asking for time. If someone is attacking you say “I hear what you are saying. Please give me a minute to think about this/some time to work this out for you.” No one will get angry with you for taking them seriously
- Buying time
Know your goal – Impossible to simultaneously calm someone down, get him back, and convince him that the whole thing is not really your fault. You can only achieve only one goal at a time with the few seconds you bought for yourself. If you send mixed messages, only the most aggressive will register. Your goal should be calming the other person down – “thinning the emotional wall” – enough to have a rational discussion
Speak softly – soft speech seems less threatening, makes you feel calmer too – as internal state is strongly influenced by external behaviour
In defusing anger, your goal is to break the rhythm, not join in
- Engaging in Blame Displacement & Apology
With empathetic listening and asking for time, one can then engage with the customer in “blame displacement” followed by an apology
When something goes wrong for the customer, he wants to hear that you are sorry about the problem and/or inconvenience. He also wants someone to take the blame, take ownership of the problem he faced
By saying “sorry”, it does not imply you are at fault (unless it is indeed so). All it means is that you are sorry that the customer has suffered inconvenience/experienced anxiety and you understand how he feels
By absorbing the “blame” it also does not mean you are to be blamed. You are merely representing your organization and showing your customer that you take ownership of the customer’s problem
If the fault lies with the customer, remain neutral. No customer likes to be told they are wrong
- Taking Necessary Corrective Actions
Once the customer has accepted the apology, you then can do what is necessary to make things right for him/her
Always check with customer if solution is acceptable
- Taking the EXTRA step
Within your means, give a little extra to win/wow the customer
MANAGING DIFFICULT CUSTOMER SITUATIONS PROFESSIONALLY
Managing The Extremes
- Some customers become so angry that they start to
yell (non-stop)
become verbally abusive
Never reason with a person who is yelling – if you ask someone to stop yelling, he/she will say they are not yelling but just have loud voices/that is the way they speak etc
Try instead “Please speak more slowly. I’d like to understand.” Often angry people will comply without thinking. Reducing speed will also reduce volume (for one can’t yell softly!)
If the yelling does not stop, repeat the outcome you want: “Mr Lim, please speak slowly. I want to help. I like to understand. Please help me. Slow down a little so that I can get all the details.”
Validate the problem or emotional state – angry people state their points, and when the people around them do not recognize the implicit question, so angry people repeat themselves, more loudly each time
Hence to stop the cycle, listen and empathize, understand the question that is being asked, answer “Yes, you have a right to feel the way you do.” Do not use the word “angry”
Don’t explain – Explanations are disguised form of fighting back or running away
The typical explanation boils down to either:
a play of dominance – If you know all the facts, then you’ll see that I’m right and you’re wrong
an attempt to run away – It wasn’t my fault, you should be mad at someone else
worst of all, invalidation – You have no right to be angry/yell at me
Listen without trying to correct misinformation – This is hard. What bothers people is usually errors, misconceptions and incomplete understanding. The temptation to jump in to clear everything up by explaining the real situation. Your helpfulness may be seen as an attempt to cut off discussion.\
Take some distance – Angry people will step into your personal bubble of space; they stand too close or attempt to loom over you. Such aggressive gestures will automatically increase your arousal and theirs. Moving forward or backward all signal fighting back or running away
Do something unexpected – offer a drink, ask the person to sit down, or step away to take something relevant – pen, paper, file etc
Ask instead “What would you like me to do?”
To answer the question, they must stop and think which is precisely what you want them to do
Speak assertively using I-language – “I like to help. This is what I can/will do” or “What I can do is…” followed by “what you can do is…”
“What I can do is…”
This phrase tells customers that you want to help them, along with the specific actions you will take to get their problem(s) resolved. The alternative actions you offer may not be exactly what the customer wants but will usually help create an acceptable resolution to the problem and reduce the customer’s feeling of frustration
“What you can do is…”
This phrase tells customers that they have some control over the outcome of the situation and that you consider them your partners in getting the problem resolved. Possible suggestions for customers may involve recommendations for a temporary fix to the problem or actions that the customer can take in the future to prevent this occurrence from happening again
- Managing The Extremes
Negotiate if necessary – “If you could help me with/give me some time…I will…”
Ask for agreement – “Will that be acceptable?”
End positively by thanking the customer – do it sincerely; it reflects your professionalism and you will earn your customer’s respect
If the customer becomes verbally abusive, put a stop to it immediately. Speak with assertion: “Mr Lim, I want to help. I find it difficult to do so if you use this language. I can help if you allow me.”
If the customer does not stop, repeat the outcome you want. Do not get drawn into an argument
MANAGING DIFFICULT CUSTOMER SITUATIONS PROFESSIONALLY
Letting it go: Recharging Yourself
Group Discussion:
Handling difficult customers can be quite challenging. How do you deal with your own feelings (anger, frustrations or residue of that) after facing one difficult encounter before facing the next tricky situation with a clean slate?
The simple A-B-C-D Theory: Exploring how our feelings influence our assumptions, where we make things up, and act as if what we made up is true
A ctivating event
B eliefs
C onsequential feelings
D elibrate actions
Simple De-stressing Techniques:
- Coping
- Co-operating
Self-awareness is more than 50% the solution
Other Coping Techniques
- Exercise
- Hobbies
- “Anchoring”
Co-operating Techniques
- Identify work priorities and balance with your personal concerns
- Find and mix with people who can support and nurture you
Summing Up
The ultimate truth about managing difficult customers: What is there for you?