DonÂ’t ask too many personal questions on ur first date
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According to Clark and Mills, there is such thing known as communal relationship. In this kind of relationship, partners are concerns with each other, care for each other, etc. all out of love. Partners do not keep track on how much they give or take from each other. They are not concern about their own needs. HmmÂ… is it good or bad?
Okay here is the reason why you should not ask too many personal question on your first date
Now the interesting part is their studies show that ‘strangers who are keen to establish an altruistic ‘communal’ relationship signal this to each other by not exchanging information about themselves…’ (Miell & Dallos, 1996, p291)
This is indeed very strange. I thought exchanging information is a sign of friendliness? IsnÂ’t the more questions you ask about the person indicate that you are interested to know him/her better?
Maybe what happen here is that you are trying to tell the other party ‘I like (am interested in) you for who you are as a person. Thus it is not necessary for me to know too much about you yet’.
I believe this concept is only applicable during the initial stage of a relationship. During later stages and for intimate relationships, this might not work. So guys for the time being during the first couple of dates, back to the topics on weather and ‘what do you had for breakfast this morning?’
P.S. I donÂ’t ask too many questions about my friendsÂ’ lives too. It is something we agreed upon.
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Reference
Clark, M.S. and Mills, J. (1979) ‘Interpersonal attraction in exchange and communal relationships’, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, vol. 37, No. 1, pp. 12-24.
Miell, D. & Dallos, R. (1996), ‘Social Interaction and Personal Relationship’, The Open University, Walton Hall, Milton Keynes MK7 6AA -
wah .. gdgd this kind of study oso have.. hahaha can post in AA oso
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Hahaha, ya lor, Psychology very interesting hor.Originally posted by dibilo:wah .. gdgd this kind of study oso have.. hahaha can post in AA oso
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Of course lah! You don't go like :"So Sally, are you virgin?".
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Originally posted by ditzy:Of course lah! You don't go like :"So Sally, are you virgin?".
Or "So if yes, do you want to remain a virgin?".
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By the way this is only for general info. Whatever questions you wish to ask on your first date is entirely up to you.
~The Shredded Brain will not be responsible for any outcome (+ or -) during your first date~ -
if you think about it, when is the last time you found a close friend by asking him/her lots of questions first? it all comes very naturally
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You may be surprise.Originally posted by the.raven:if you think about it, when is the last time you found a close friend by asking him/her lots of questions first? it all comes very naturally
Some people might not realize that their questions are making the other person uncomfortable. Another problem is that your idea of a personal question may not mean the same thing to me.
So to play safe, talk about the weather. -
Well, you guys have obviously never seen a pair of psychologists on a first date!
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Care to share?Originally posted by Gedanken:Well, you guys have obviously never seen a pair of psychologists on a first date! -
Now do I look like the kiss-and-tell sort?
Seriously, interactions with psychologists are different because of thier awareness of the mechanisms that are in play. It's actually quite fun to watch a bunch of psychologists in a room, and how they have their subtle sparring matches. -
Originally posted by Gedanken:Now do I look like the kiss-and-tell sort?
Seriously, interactions with psychologists are different because of thier awareness of the mechanisms that are in play. It's actually quite fun to watch a bunch of psychologists in a room, and how they have their subtle sparring matches.
I can imagine that, trying to read each other's mind and at the same time defending their own.
But I believe psychologists who subscribe to the humanistic perspective are much open-minded than the rest. -
Well, I learned from the old hands that the ones who have a philosophy of "let's cut the crap" experience the least stress!Originally posted by DeadPoet:
I can imagine that, trying to read each other's mind and at the same time defending their own.
But I believe psychologists who subscribe to the humanistic perspective are much open-minded than the rest.