take five ;)
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1. What is the first thing you do when you fall into a river?
get wet
2.What sickness did Bruce Lee get?
kung flu
3.What line is hot?
hot line
4.Why canÂ’t you keep a clock in jail?
because time is running out
5.What is the difference between electricity and lightning?
You have to pay for electricity
6. When is a gun unemployed?
when it is fired
7. What do two oceans say when they meet after many years?
long time no sea
8.When is the ocean friendliest?
when it waves
9. What is the colour of the wind?
Blew -
wah foga u got alot of all these questions hor...Originally posted by foga:1. What is the first thing you do when you fall into a river?
get wet
2.What sickness did Bruce Lee get?
kung flu
3.What line is hot?
hot line
4.Why canÂ’t you keep a clock in jail?
because time is running out
5.What is the difference between electricity and lightning?
You have to pay for electricity
6. When is a gun unemployed?
when it is fired
7. What do two oceans say when they meet after many years?
long time no sea
8.When is the ocean friendliest?
when it waves
9. What is the colour of the wind?
Blew
where u got from???
can learn abit then go xian my za bo
sure to kana pian from her -
erhmm... i jus happened to be more 'jiat ba bo sai pan" than the rest bah
i use yahoo serach lor. type :riddles then click enter.
sian za bo
hmmm.....
good ideaOriginally posted by nemo77:wah foga u got alot of all these questions hor...
where u got from???
can learn abit then go xian my za bo
sure to kana pian from her -
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked,
"What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move".
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?
That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible, said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's George Bush's clock?" asked the man.
"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan." -
One day an evil witch took over the forest,
''One-by-one, all of you useless animals have to come up here and tell a joke... if everybody laughs, you will be spared... or else I'll cut off your head!''
The monkey went up first and told such a funny joke that all the animals laughed except fot a tortoise.. so the witch cut off his head.
Next, a giraffe went up and she, in turn told a joke that set all the animals off laughing... but still, the tortoise did not laugh...so the witch cut off her head.
Then, the rabbit went up... but before she could say a word, the tortoise started laughing...
''Why are you laughing you stupid tortoise?'' the witch asked.
“The monkey's joke was very funny...'' was the reply
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One day, Mr. Caterpillar decided to hitch a ride to town. As he was standing by the roadside, a family of bees came by in a little car and offered him a ride
Gratefully, he accepted. After putting along merrily for a few kilometers, the engine sputtered and the car rolled to a halt. Without saying a word, Papa Bee alighted and urinated into the fuel intake. When he turned the starter, the engine started up, much to Mr Caterpillar's amazement!
However, he did not say a word. The car went on for quite some distance before the engine died again. This time, it was Mother Bee who urinated into the fuel intake, and again, the car started up after that. The process was then repeated again for Baby Bee.
By the time the engine died for the fourth time, the little car was only a few kilometers from town. Not wanting to appear unsophisticated, Mr Caterpillar got out of the car without a word, and started opening the fuel cap.
In a flash, Papa Bee got out of the car. "What are you doing?" asked Papa Bee.
"I'm going to piss in the fuel intake, just like you did", said Mr Caterpillar.
"Oh, no", said Papa Bee patiently, "that won't do. This car only runs on Bee Pee (BP)." -
FARK OFF
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Dinner with GirlfriendÂ’s parents
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have
dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the
girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would
like to go out and make love for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so
he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The
pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy
everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms
he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy
insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather
busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and
meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to
meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the
girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace
and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his
head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend
leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you
were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was
a pharmacist." -
Man who loved baked beans
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion
for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an
embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met
a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would
marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the
marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme
sacrifice and gave up beans.
Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on his
birthday and on the way home from work, his car broke down.
Since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her
that he would be late because he had to walk home. On his way
home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked
beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk
he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home.
It was, after all, his birthday. So he went in and ordered, and
before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans.
All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he
felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed
somewhat excited.
She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most
wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a
blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the
table and made him promise not to peak. At this point he was
beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was
about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again
made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she
went to answer the phone. While she was gone, he seized the
opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was
not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time
breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about
him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came
on. He raised his leg and RRIIPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel
engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he
tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would
dissipate.
He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon
winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a
minute later the flowers on the table were dead.
With his blindfold still on, when he heard the phone farewells
he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top
of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when
his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if
he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not
peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated
around the table for his surprise birthday party. -
1) Your birth certificate is an apology letter from
the condom factory.
2) My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex,
she objects.
3) Panties are not the best thing on earth, but next
to best thing on earth.
4) Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't
have a good partner, you'd
better have a good hand.
5) I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer
were too small!
6) Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep
with the enemy.
) Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's
life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't!
9) Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles
to bed", many men
still sleep with their wives!
10) Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy
adultery?
11) There are only two four letter words that are
offensive to men: don't and
stop - unless they are used together (don't stop).
12) There are three stages to sex in a person's life:
Tri Weekly, Try Weekly,
and Try Weakly.
13) Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard
feelings".
14) A newly married couple were happy with the whole
thing. He was happy with
the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.
15) Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a
whore?
A: A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a
bitch sleeps with everyone
except you.
16) Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye
contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.......
Of course you've heard about the Viagra computer
virus, it turns your 3 1/2
inch floppy into a hard disk -
Hahahahahahahahahaha
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HAHAHA I LIKE THIS THE BEST!!! Opps all caps
Originally posted by foga:A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked,
"What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move".
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?
That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible, said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's George Bush's clock?" asked the man.
"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan." -
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Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"
"None.", replied Johnny "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third sucking the cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking." -
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Hahahhahaha
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wahahahahahahahahaOriginally posted by homerun:
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