Growing in the sewers, life story of a rat.
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Dear all, this is a true life account of ratslen when he was younger. If you have any funny comments, please refrain from posting and keep it to yourself. I'm not here to encourage people to go out of point. These are memories of childhood, a bitter childhood some of the privileged have never known, never felt. Please note that more accounts might be jumbled not according to the dates.
1981, Singapore
The mother of two was diagnosed with a third child, three months old. The couple wanted to abort the child but the doctor told them it was against the law to do so at such a late stage. They were very poor, so poor that having a third will be a big burden to carry. They walked home, they wanted to save the transportation money so much that they actually walked home. The mother cursed, as she had already visited the doctor two months before and the doctor at that time did not discover the child.
May 1982, KK Hospital
So ratslen was conceived, a boy it was. The third boy from the family, and the last to be had by the couple, the fourth in line, third to be alive. The first was a girl whom died at birth. So the boy shall never have any sisters and never any younger siblings.
1983, Home at block 28.
The father was out working and the mother went out to buy groceries so it was left to the second eldest brother to take care of the baby. The oldest was in primary two, 7 yrs old while the second eldest was 6, primary one. However, the eldest seemed lost while the second eldest changed the diapers for baby ratslen.
1985, Market
Young ratslen never mumbled a word even at 3. He nodded when his mother told him to stay there. Quietly, he sat on the chair and ate the zui kuey. His two older brothers finished their lunch and left their chair to play with the rest while the youngest sat quietly, watching his brothers. A curious hawker then asked young ratslen if he wanted to join his brothers. He kept quiet. The hawker then lifted the young ratslen off the chair and put him standing on the ground. The young ratslen climbed back on the chair. -
1985, Market
Young ratslen shadowed his mother at work, following her everywhere she go. He was extremely attentive but never spoke a word. He would only nod or shake his head. Everyone thought he was born mute or stupid. If he wanted anything, he would point his fingers at it. It was rather hard for his brothers to understand their youngest brother. However, he was extremely obedient, so much that he proved to be much less of a burden then they thought he was. 'Where are your brothers,' Mother asked. He pointed in the direction where they were playing. 'What do you want to eat?' Mother asked. He pointed at the stall. Mother felt so sad for her youngest wouldn't say a word. The only noise he made was when he was crying. He wanted to have a go at a bottle of pepsi other children are drinking but he knew deep inside they cannot afford drinks for leisure. They can't afford musical rides, sweets, ice cream so he never asked for anything impossible.
1986, Home
Young ratslen was missing from home. Mother was anxious. His brothers could not tell her where he was. She was late from work and the young boy was not at home. Her neighbour could not tell her where he was. After quite some time, young ratslen appeared with another neighbour, Siti, a Malay girl next door and her mother. Her mother was so happy to see him back safe and her neighbour told him that the boy told them he was hungry. He could talk, and strangely the boy spoke in English.
1987, Blk 31, PAP Kindergarten
Young ratslen told his mother that he can go to and go home by himself to pre-school as he recognized the route. He did not want Mother to rush to pick him up. She was always rushing to pick him up after a hard day of work. Young ratslen hate to see his mother, who was working from 7am till 3pm to rush to pick him up. He did not want to be asked by his pre-school teacher again the question of where his parents were when all the other children had left with their parents. He hated the question. He hated why other children have new shoes while his was torn and tattered. He hated the bright colours of the new schoolbags when his was a used schoolbag. He hated the old clothes he wore repeatedly even during Chinese New Year. Yet he never asked for new clothes, bags or shoes. They can never afford it. -
1988, Primary School.
Similarly, young ratslen told his mother that he knew how to go to school by himself. He said he could go there by himself because Mother had always fetched the older boys last time. He did not want to be a burden, and moreover he did not want to be asked questions about his parents. He hate to admit that his mother had to work when everyone else mother was not. He wore old used uniforms, courtesy of his neighbours. His shoes were new but he had only one pair of white shoes. One new pair of socks.
Late 1988, Primary School.
Young ratslen was ridiculed by his classmates for wearing a pair of torn socks. He knew he could never ask Mother to buy another pair. She bought it only when she had won from bets. Every cent meant so much to them. He hated the socks, the shoes, the bag, the books. Everything is old while others have new ones. Everyone except him. Yet he like to prove one thing to the teachers, my books may be torn, but I'm one of the best students in class. I can do better than those with new books, shoes, bag, socks, uniform. So what if the buttons on my uniform are of different colour? So what if my shoes had holes? I am the better than them, I'm smarter. Not the smartest, not the top three, but I'm the fourth. The fourth. The top three will be within my grasp soon. -
November 1988, School
Young ratslen got his report book back. He was sad. He was still the fourth. The rich girl that ridiculed him about his shoes and books was top in class. He hated her so much. They had the same surname but young ratslen was different, he was poor. His parents were happy, the boy was fourth in class. His two older brothers were weak in their studies but their youngest was capable. They didn't even knew he took the exam, they never knew since the boy was playing everyday in his room. With his old toys given by others. His eldest brother was the bottom few of his class. His second elder brother was the bottom half of his class. The young boy was angry because he was not the first. He was angry the rich girl had better results.
1989, Home.
Mother and Father quarrelled. Father wanted three dollars to go for meal at work but Mother had used up all the fifty dollars father gave her for bills and daily necessities. She asked him to stay for the meal but Father won't. He was angry, and shouted obscenities at her and slammed the door and rode his bicycle to work. Young ratslen saw everything. Mother was crying. Young ratslen was ridiculed early at school for having a dirty pair of shoes. He wanted to buy shoe white for his shoes. The previous bottle had spilled the week before. He dared not ask. Mother was crying outside. ratslen was crying inside. -
1990
Young ratslen was with Mother at her employer's place. He laid on the sofa, bored and fell asleep. Little did he realised what he did in his sleep. An expensive vase was shattered during his sleep and he stirred awake by the sound of crashing ceramics. Mother was shocked, the employer angry, young ratslen confused. The employer shouted in Cantonese, 'You must buy back a similar vase! It's an expensive vase given to my daughter from her friends in SBC! I don't care how you do it, you must buy back a similar vase! You must pray nothing bad comes to my family!' Mother could do nothing but agree. The vase cost $80, that was more than what Father brings back or what Mother earned in a month. Mother knew I did not do it on purpose and could not bear scolding me. She was angry, she was silent and her youngest son's hand were gripped tightly in her hand. Young ratslen wanted to say sorry, but he didn't know how to say those words. Young ratslen was angry at himself for falling asleep, angry with the employer, angry with the actress daughter known as Xiang Yun and SBC. Mother held his hands when she tried to borrow money from her friends. Tens and a twenty, red notes with the bird from three to four households. Mother didn't want to let Father know what young ratslen did, for Father would probably go into a rage against the employer or beat up young ratslen. They need the job, and young ratslen did not purposely do that. The next day, Mother and the young ratslen went down Joo Chiat to buy a similar vase. 'Damn the sun,' young ratslen cursed in his sea of thoughts, 'damn the employer'. He was afraid because Mother never spoke to him for a day. He wanted to say sorry. He felt hurt. He was crying inside. In his little mind, he resented the rich. He resented the entire crew on SBC. He resented the fact he was poor. -
1992 Home.
'Why couldn't we keep the dog, mommy?' the young ratslen asked. Father said, 'The dog have to go, we cannot keep it anymore, we lost the dog's license tag that time.' Young ratslen remembered then. He had rummaged through the garbage, his brothers had done that then. He wished he had been more vigilant then. There was a new law that forbids dogs without license in HDB apartments. And for huge dogs, new regulations were passed down such that the license is harder to obtain. They did not have the money to buy a large house to keep a large wolfhound. They cannot obtain the license without a larger house. The dog had to go. The companion of the young boy had to go. Someone rich would take care of the big doggie. Someone rich enough to live in a terrace house. The dog will be well-fed. Young ratslen wanted to cry. He did not. He hated the rich, he hated the Government who laid the laws. He hated to see the dog leaving. He was sad, very sad. He lost a friend to the laws, lost a friend who would play with him. -
1989, Home
'Wake up, we're late for school.' It was the third consecutive day young ratslen woke up late for school. It was already 10am. School is only 10 minutes walk but they are very late. They were poor. They did not have the money to replace the damaged clock. Mother said she would get it replaced on the weekend when she was paid. The young ratslen arrived very late. His teacher amused, his classmates too. They laughed at him. "The Champion of Being Late to School', they jeered. After school, he beat up his classmate because he mocked him. He was angry. He threw his punches. The boy cried. The classmate was no match for young ratslen who wrestled frequently with his brothers. The next day, the parent of the young boy complained to the form teacher then. Young ratslen was counselled in teacher's office. The teachers all knew him. His brothers were notorious, he was not. He was always known as the most responsive student in class. The teacher asked him why. He was silent. The teacher said she would tell his mother if he did not explain why. Afraid, he knew he would be caned for fighting in school, he told the teacher. The teacher listened. On Monday, the form teacher told the class, anyone found mocking the young ratslen would be punished. Soon word spreaded in class that the young ratslen was a bully. In the heart, the young man hated his richer classmates and started to mix around only with the poorer, and students with bad grades. The notorious lot. -
1992 School.
Young ratslen wrote an essay - 'A pupil without a teacher'. In it, he wrote a true life account of how he did things beyond his own level without a teacher. It was true. When he was at Primary 1, he was already finishing the assessment book at Primary 2 which he requested Mother to buy. He was reading his brothers old textbook. He had the knowledge. He was able to do assessment books with sums, questions even before they were taught in classes. At Primary 2, he had already completed the entire Primary 3 assessment books during Primary 1 December holidays. At Primary 4, he could easy grab logics difficult for Primary 5 and 6. He scorned the idea of having to do homework, for they were not a problem at all for him, he wants things far harder, far harder than just things he had done many years before. His written essay was noted. Soon, IQ questions were common in classrooms. He was leading the pack, in fact, he finally found something he could use to his best ability to pit his abilities against the top 3. He finally shamed the rich girl but he was not happy. For the newcomers in his classrooms. He found new enemies. People who is leading him in every aspect. Language, careful calculations, IQ. Yet he knew he had something even better than them. Young ratslen was physically very active compared to them. He was an all-rounder.
1993 May School
Young ratslen had a bad birthday. He was extremely unhappy with himself. He was toppled out of the fourth seat he had so comfortably converted as his own. He found himself lacking in the language department. He was depressed. He could not perform in arts class. He hated drawing. He find it hard to picture colours and put his hand to draw. His handwriting was ridiculed in class by the new form teacher. He was capable of results but his untidiness was often the juicy bit for those jealous of his marks. He was thrown into the second class for Chinese lesson as he was found lacking. He could write essays. He just needed a Chinese dictionary. He could answer questions but oftenly misinterpreting the text. English was another problem. He was oftenly out of topic. He knew the spelling of the words but his vocabulary was his deathmark. He often could not find the right words. One of the new boys, who was becoming his good friend, was more fit than he was. He found his height a problem. He was short, oftenly dressed like a rag. He never ironed his uniform. He wiped his mouth on his sleeve after meals. He was dirty. The girls laughed at him. His hairdo was a constant mess. His shoes though new, it became a habit not to whiten it. He was extremely good at getting grades for maths and science but the languages was pulling him down. He was oftenly mixing with the weaker students, oftenly mixing with those who speak Chinese dialects. He found it hard to converse with those newcomers who would only speak Chinese, or English in class. He was angry. He felt he was a mess. People who were poor were starting to avoid him, people who were rich were disgusted with him. He had fewer friends than he thought he had. They were leaving him, starting to avoid him. He did not enjoy his birthday. He was moody all the time in the holidays. -
ratslen = nelstar?
this is a sad story.
i.c.y -
Hmmm yes.Originally posted by icyprincess:ratslen = nelstar?
this is a sad story.
i.c.y
I didn't mention anymore about poverty in the later part because my family was starting to have surplus. Certain things became a habit, and hard to crack habit. -
got anymore or not?Originally posted by Nelstar:Hmmm yes. I didn't mention anymore about poverty in the later part because my family was starting to have surplus. Certain things became a habit, and hard to crack habit.
i.c.y -
Should be updating on 3rd Oct.Originally posted by icyprincess:got anymore or not?
i.c.y -
why 3rd of Oct?
i.c.y -
At work, use free time at work to compose.Originally posted by icyprincess:why 3rd of Oct?
i.c.y
Busy working during weekdays to be exact.
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hmm finally a real true life story...
at least u are out of it now
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Looking forward to 3rd Oct.
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Really admire your courage for sharing your life story with us, especially since you had a childhood that wasn't exactly a bed of roses. Not many people would have done what you are doing right now.
It is through adversity, trials and tribulations that one finds the determination, strength and courage to continue in life under such difficult circumstances. It is obvious you possess such qualities.
Hmm, I always felt there was something unique and different about you despite the sometimes crazy things you post. But that's just me ... wahaha
Wish you all the best in whatever you do.
Looking forward to your subsequent posts... -
from your posts, it looks like your vocab isnt limited at all ah now
well, i guess you're what people call a self-made man. Wasn't given much, but made something of himself.
If a difficult childhood moulded you into a tough, resilient, hardworking citizen, then maybe your karma isnt too bad after all. Coz now you can take care of yourself.
But there're rich man's sons, who're too sheltered during the first 20 years of their lives, and grew up never learning how to take care of themselves. These people are unlikely to find success in life. These are the true sad cases. Ever seen 19 yr old NSF boy who does not even know how to tie his own shoelaces? I don't think this kind of people can survive.
In Singapore, no such thing as pedigree ah, right. Everyone is given opportunities to make something of themselves. Only whether we have what it takes.
Well nelstar,
Respect to you
So far so good, right, coz you have what it takes. -
Now already 4th October liao leh.
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He did'nt work on 03 Oct so no followupOriginally posted by DeadPoet:Now already 4th October liao leh.
Should be posting on 05 Oct?
he bz these dayz...
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still waiting...........................
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oic.Originally posted by Axelheat755:He did'nt work on 03 Oct so no followup
Should be posting on 05 Oct?
he bz these dayz...
I am really looking forward to it. -
1996, Katong.
ratslen was trembling in fear. He was afraid of the apparition. The apparition called Reprisal. He feared retribution yet he held firmly to the justice he had in his right hand. His white shoes are now muddy. His white trousers were dirtied by the running on the wet grass. His trousers were slightly loosed. In his right hand, was a black weapon of his justice with a metallic sparkle. He still carried his schoolbag. Someone belted out insults at his family and him. Someone belted out insults at his parents. He whipped back at them with the black belt. He lashed and clawed at the victim. He brutally buried his knuckles into the jaws of the jerk. He hid in the shadows of the staircase knowing he had dealt more than sufficient blows. He was alone. He strucked at his victim with the back turned on him. Then he was worried, very worried he would be noticed. The gloomy staircase, filled with the stench of cigarette didn't do him any good. He now prayed that the victim would not be in as bad shape as he felt he was doing to him. He waited for darkness to slip in. -
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This is getting more and more exciting.