By the fireplace ...

• DeadPoet

  29 Jul 04, 01:50

  By tare
  
  Chapter 1
  
  I've forgotten how much I hated 1st day of anything.... The feeling of being in a totally unfamiliar environment all by myself. I can't believe out of my school I'm the only one tat got into this institute.... *sigh* and it doesn't help that I am late on the 1st day!
  
  After I finally get to my classroom, realised that the only seat at the back left is beside this .. err not so pretty gal... seems like the back is where the guys are... oh well, have never been a teacher's pet, so the front is out for me.
  
  "Is this seat taken?" I managed to find my voice somehow.
  "No no no! Hi I'm Cyndi" she squeaked with a high pitched voice.
  "Hi I'm Jo..." I whispered. I wonder how she managed to stand her own voice, but oh well don't be so mean, I reminded myself.
  
  As the teacher step out to get some stuffs, the class burst into chitchating and groups started to be formed. And suddenly I found myself and Cyndi being surrounded by the guys seated around us.
  
  Cyndi tho petite and well... not so pretty, seems to be very popular with the guys. Everyone seems to be talking to her. And I just sat there and sheepishly listen to all the conversations being translated.
  
  *Riiinnnnggg* finally it's break time! Class have been so boring.
  
  "Hey Jo let's go eat together," Cyndi squeaked and before I could reacte, she have grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the class.
  
  Oh well, at least I don't have to eat alone. Surprisingly she has already made friends with ppl frm another class. And they were waiting for her in the canteen as we arrived. After a brief introduction, I found myself sitting at a corner and eating by myself. Seems like Cyndi has forgotten abt my existance while she is so engrossed chating with her friends. Oh well I'll just concentrate on my food then....
  
  The day passes on and school is finally over!
  
  "Jo, let's go!" Cyndi took of my hand again.
  "Huh? Err... Go where?"
  "We promised Jason we'll go and support him at the match with the seniors after class during break rem?!"
  
  Seriously I didn't. I wasn't even involved in the conversations. But Cyndi is not one that take no for an answer. I was out of the class with the ever bubbly Cyndi.
  
• DeadPoet

  29 Jul 04, 01:51

  Chapter 2
  
  Arriving at the field, I realised it's a friendly soccer match between Jason and his gang with some seniors. Cyndi has "volunteered" us to be the cheerleaders! I almost fainted on the spot. But thank goodness she was so engrossed with chatting with the guys that she has forgotten abt me.
  
  I sat at the edge of the field and watched the match. Frankly I have no interest in soccer, but I must admit seeing cute guys sweating it out does...
  
  Cyndi did her job as the "cheerleader", tho I have no idea what she was cheering. Well as long as she's enjoying it, and the guys didn't seems to mind.
  
  The match ended with Jason and team losing, much to the disappointment of Cyndi. But as the senior team came over, her disappointment seems to vanish as she chatted up with the seniors.
  
  As I got up from the ground, a hand reached over and helped me up. Turning around, I saw it was one of the seniors --- Bryan. From Cyndi I found out that he was the school counsellor head and the captain of the school soccer team.
  
  "Hi, I'm Bryan. You are one quiet cheerleader."; His eyes sparkled as he smiled. Gosh I was stunned and couldn't find my tongue.
  
  "She's Jo. Hi I'm Cyndi. You played so well....."
  As Cyndi rattled on, I excused myself and ran off.... That was so embarassing. How stupid could I can??!!
  
  After the soccer match, Cyndi seems to know every single memeber from the school team. It's amazing how easy it's for her to make friends. School continued, with Cyndi and her sudden "activities". I was getting used to her, she's been really nice to include me in everything she does with the rest. She's like my link to the outside world.
  
  "Jo~~~~~~~~~~~~"
  I looked up from my book and smiled. Her high pitched voice is sooo recognisable, I thot to myself.
  "Sorry I'm late. Let's go, Jason and gang got the tickets already."
  "Hey wait!" and Cyndi dashed off.
  
  I turned and saw her talking to a cute looking guy who walked past. Hmmm.... Cyndi and her cute guys... suddenly the guy turned and looked at me. I was taken aback. He smiled at me.. Gosh he's cute! I smiled awkwardly and looked away.
  
  "Guess wat?!" Cyndi has returned and was grinning widely.
  "Er.. what?"
  "Tat's Vince! We are going out next wkend!"
  "We?"
  "Yah 3 of us! Don't you recognise him?"
  "Nope. Who is he?"
  "He is one of our senior in school."
  "Oh, you know him?"
  "Well I just did!" and she gave me a cheeky wink. Oh well, tat's Cyndi...
  
  As we walked to join the rest, I can't help but wondered what is it like next week to meet that Vince again... He wasn't as good looking as Bryan but there seems to be something about him....
  
• DeadPoet

  29 Jul 04, 01:52

  Chapter 3
  
  "Wait up!" I ran after Cyndi as she stepped out of the class for break.
  "Wat issit?" she snapped.
  "I.. I just wanna say I'm sorry I'm late today."
  "You purposely one rite? Today is the deadline for maths assignment and you're late! You dun wanna lend me to copy, just say so!"
  
  I was fighting to hold by my tears as she threw assaulting words on me. I couldn't even explain to her that I overslept cos I was up almost whole nite doing her history assignment.
  
  "Cyndi? Jo?" A familar voice cut in. It was Jason. I quickly lowered my head and tried to swallow back the tears that threatened to burst out any moment.
  "Is everything ok?"
  "Of cos! Right Jo?......... Jo!"
  I nodded and continued studying the cracks on the floor.
  "You sure?"
  "Yah lah, let's go for break. Come on Jo!" Cyndi grabbed Jason's arm and hurried him off. I took a deep breathe and followed.
  
  The week passed quickly. Cyndi has resumed talking to me, well at least in front of the rest. No matter what, she is still about the only friend I have.
  
  Finally saturday came. And I was 15 minutes late. I arrived and saw Cyndi already there with Vince, waiting.
  
  "Jo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~! aiyah why u so late?" From her smile, I knew I did the right thing for purposely being late. Afterall, she have a whole 15 minutes with Vince. I mumbled a stupid excuse and we moved on to a game arcade before we head for dinner.
  
  As they were having a go at the shooting game, I was trying to cook up an excuse to resign from being the walking lamp post. Suddenly Vince turned to me.
  
  "Hey u wanna try this?"
  "Err... Nah, I don't know how to shoot."
  "No problem, I'll teach you."
  
  And before I know it, he put his arm around and holding my hands to hold the gun. At this close proximity, I could feel him breathing next to my ear. His fresh, out-of-shower kind of body scent. His muscular arms holding me. His 6 packs muscles against my back. My heart started to beat faster by the second, and I could feel my face getting red to my ears.
  
  Suddenly, a muffled cough. I turned to see the fiery eyes of Cyndi piercing through me. Oh gosh, I totally forgotten that Cyndi has interest in Vince!
  
  Vince probably have felt my body tensed up and asked me to focus on the target. How could I? Especially when I could feel Cyndi throwing imaginery knifes at me. But he didn't seems to notice and continued "guiding" me through the game.
  
  "What the hell were u doing?!!" Cyndi snapped as soon as Vince went out of hearing range to order food.
  "I.. I didn't do anything. I.. I... really din know he would do tat...."
  "You *@^^#! You know I like him and u still seduce him! Some kind of friends you are!"
  "I din..........." I lost my voice as tears was choking up my throat.
  "I don't care! After dinner, you better disappear at once!"
  
  It was like the "last supper" for me as I tried to swallow my food. Though Cyndi was making small talks with Vince, I could feel him stealing stares at me. I ate even faster.
  
  "Sorry guys. I gotta go, promised mum I'll be home early..."
  "Bye Jo!" I have hardly finished my sentence when Cyndi bid her goodbye. Was that fast response or was that fast response? Nevertheless, I just wanna get out of the place as soon as possible.
  
  "Ok. Bye Cyndi!"
  "You leaving too??" Cyndi couldn't believe Vince wanted to leave so soon. Frankly me neither, but what he said next was even more shocking.
  "Yah, cos I'm sending Jo back."
  "You don't have to. You can just stay on with Cyndi.. err.. for a coffee maybe." I suddenly found my voice. I can't let this happened, Cyndi would hate me forever!
  "I know I don't have to. But I want to." He turned and smiled at me lovingly.
  
  Normally I would have probably melted. But with the sudden change of temperature, namely on me only, I just couldn't. I was at a lost of words and simply stared at him blankly...
  
• DeadPoet

  29 Jul 04, 01:53

  Chapter 4
  
  After a long awkward silence, we decided we should all just head home. The walk towards the bus stop seems to last forever. Cyndi has lost her chirpy self and the absent of her high pitched voice was driving me crazy.
  
  "Hey, u ok?" My thoughts was interrupted by Vince. I looked up and saw Vince looking at me intently, full of concern. How could I tell him that it was actually Cyndi who's interested in him? And why me?! Now I have to face the wrath of my only friend in school.
  
  All I could do was shaked my head... realising that's not a 'right' response, I quickly nodded. I suddenly felt so stupid and dumb, who would buy tat kinda response?! But thank goodness Vince didn't pursue the issue.
  
  My bus finally came and without any notice, I hopped on at the very last minute before Vince could response and waved goodbye to them! I sat down at the seat with a deep sign. It was wat I could conjour as the best escape plan and I wondered what would behold me when school starts next week....
  
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  Another week began in school and I don't believe how much homework our lecturers could come up with! Cyndi never talked about that nite anymore and I think it was best kept that way.
  
  I have since avoided Vince in school, which was pretty easy to do. He was afterall my senior and Cyndi was always around with me.
  
  "Jo jo, going home?" a cheeky voice came from behind me. I turned and saw our class clown, Charles. I smiled and we began to chat nonsensically as we headed toward the bus stop. Charles was forever so funny and humorous. I was laughing, enjoying every moment. He has this ability to loosen up any stern faced, depressed being.
  
  Charles went "HOT HAR HOT HAR!" and grabbed a window seat for us on the driver's side. He was so hilarious. But I admit, sometimes it could be a tad too embarassing.
  
  "JO!!! Jo are u there?" a voiced yelled and interrupted our laughter. The bus was already packed and I couldn't see who was yelling for me. Suddenly I saw. It was Vince standing outside the window on the other side of the bus! He had ran for a bus stop distance to catch me on the bus. I was shocked and everyone was just staring at us.
  
  "Yah?" I finally found my voice.
  "Get off the bus! Quick, it's gonna move off soon!"
  "Err... why?"
  "Just come down please...."
  I couldn't think and just mumbled a bye to Charles and got up. I wasn't sure if I saw correctly, but was that a look of disappointment on his face? I didn't have much time to think as I stumbled to get off the crowded bus.
  
  Standing before Vince, I suddenly didn't know wat to do. There was too many questions going through my head. Why did he got me off the bus? How did he know I'm on tat bus? What was so urgent?
  
  "So glad I managed to catch you," Vince smiled and his eyes caught the sun and it look stunning.
  "Oh, err.... what's up? How did you know I was on that bus?" I snapped myself out of my daze.
  "I was looking for you after class and couldn't find you. I went to the bus stop and asked around. Someone told me you just got on that bus, so I took the shortcut and caught up with you." he grinned as he proudly answered my questions.
  "I...I see, something urgent?"
  "Nope, just wanna see you." he smiled and the 'happiness' in his eyes was almost blinding.
  
  I was lost for words and response. All I could think of was, thank goodness Cyndi was on medical leave that day.
  
  "Ok you've seen me now. So I can go rite? Bye." I know I have to get out of this situation before my resistance to him fall to zero. As sudden as things have happened, he grabbed my hand. Pulling me towards him, the look in his eyes saddened as he asked, "Why are u avoiding me?" Staring into his eyes, with our noses just inches away, time stood still....
  
• DeadPoet

  29 Jul 04, 01:54

  Chapter 5
  
  I was still in a daze as I arrived in school. The events that happened the day before was still clouding my mind. I wasn't able to answer his questions about me avoiding him. I merely said I was busy. Somehow, deep down we both knew that was merely an excuse.
  
  As I walked into school, I suddenly realised something was amiss. Everyone was staring at me and whispering among themselves. I looked down and checked my uniform. Nope I didn't miss a button or forgot to zip. What's wrong?
  
  Seeing Cyndi with Jason and gang, I went over. They seems to be engaged in some heated conversation as I approached them.
  
  "Morning!" I smiled and suddenly all of them stopped talking. They all turned and just grinned at me. All except Cyndi.
  
  "What's wrong? Something on my face?"
  And they all burst out giggling.
  "We have heard what happened!" one of the gals said between her giggles.
  "What happened?!"
  "Vince! He literally RAN after you yesterday! Whoah~~~" the gals said almost in unison.
  
  There I froze. I can't believe news have gone so far so fast. I turned and saw Cyndi's face almost exploding with anger.
  
  "So was it true??"
  "Of cos it isn't!!!" yelled Cyndi. "Why would Vince ever be interested in Jo? It's impossible!"
  As they debated about the reality of the rumour, I simply stood there without uttering a word. What could I say and yet not hurt Cyndi or lie? Just then the bell rang. I let out a sign of relief as we scrabbled to class. But I know today is gonna be a long day.
  
  Later during break, I found myself surrounded by the group, drowning in questions about me and Vince. Cyndi has refused to talk to me since morning. Jason wasn't helping at all, he merely sat there and looked away. Suddenly all the gals went quiet.
  
  I looked up and saw Vince standing next to me, smiling. "Harlo, eaten yet?" I turned to look at Cyndi who by now her face has turned into a shade of chilli red. I stared down at my shoes, not knowing what to do or say. Vince took a glance at Cyndi then me. Suddenly he went over to Cyndi. "Can we talk in private?"
  
  The whole group, including me was shocked and could just stared at them as Vince and Cyndi walked away. The gals couldn't contain the curiousity and pulled me along to follow them. Jason surprisingly followed.
  
  Round the corner of the block, we stood afar, just near enough to overhear their conversation.
  
  "Cyndi, you must have heard about what happened yesterday."
  "Oh tat rumour? That was so ridiculous," Cyndi giggled. She reached over and hold his hand. "Don't worry, I won't believe that."
  Vince pulled away. "I think you've mistaken. It wasn't a rumour, it did happened as you heard. I just wanna ask you, do you know why Jo is not accepting me?"
  "You mean... you really like Jo?! How could that be? No you're lying!!" Cyndi was turning hysterical and I was getting nervous.
  "It was I who asked you out, and you agreed! You agreed to go out with me. How could it be Jo?!"
  "Listen... I'm sorry to say this, but... that day at the station, I agreed to go out with you because of Jo. I've noticed her in school and she hangs around with you. So I figured I could get to know her through you. I'm sorry if I have misled you in any way. I didn't realised that you... err... like me..."
  
  Cyndi has by now broke into tears and sobbing helplessly. The more Vince tried to pacify her, the more she sobbed. Suddenly Vince looked up and saw us. "Jo?" Cyndi turned and saw the whole group of us....
  
• DeadPoet

  29 Jul 04, 01:57

  Chapter 6
  
  I was left stranded where I was. Cyndi was too embarassed and took flight and the rest went after her to see if she's ok. Jason gave Vince a dirty look before he did so too. There I was with my feet like lead, not knowing to follow or not. If I follow would she feel worse? If I don't, what am I to say to Vince?
  
  Vince moved towards me, with his eyes intensely fixed on me. Suddenly the grass on the ground seems so intriging...
  
  "So you heard us?"
  Gosh how could I not? I could just nodded with my eyes fixed on the grass.... Reaching over, he hold my hand.
  "Is she the reason why u were avoiding me?" His hand gentlely lifted up my head, and I looked right into his eyes. How can I hide my feelings or ignore him any further?
  "She has like you from the start... I can't do this...."
  "Well, I have like you from the start... I can't not do this...."
  Stunned and touched, I could only stare at him.
  "Anyway, she knows now. So what do you say? Would you......"
  I let out a sign and gave in....
  
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  Things have since changed. Cyndi has no longer talked to me, and so were Jason and gang. Strangely, without her around, I seems to be focusing more in class and catching up in my school works. Well, what else can I do? My only console is during break, having meal with Vince. We were together besides the time we were in our own classes. He has been the sweetest to me. Perhaps because now I have no more friends in school.
  
  I have refused to listen to any of the horrible rumours that were going around about me. It did affected me in the beginning, but I soon realised, people were just interested in gossips, not my explaination or rather my attempt to explain.
  
  "Jo...."
  I looked up and smiled, I was waiting for Vince after school as usual. Today he was exceptionally late.
  "Let's go."
  He seems abit out of himself today. As we walked out, I took a side glance at him. Something seems strange... His bus came before mine and this time he grabbed my hand and pulled me to broad it.
  
  "Err.... but this is your bus."
  "I know..." He turned and looked at me. And for the first time since school ended he smiled. He leaned over and whispered into my ear, "Let's go to my place today." I was abit taken aback... usually he'll just send me home or we'll have lunch together before he does.
  
  Seeing how awkwardly shy I was, he gave me a mischevious grin. We sat quietly in the bus, not speaking a word. His hand holding mine all the while.
  
  For the first time, I get to see where he stays. Outside his humble flat I saw pots of cactus and flowers. Even a pot of chilli blooms.
  
  "Is your mum around?" I was kinda worried to finally 'meet the parents'... I wasn't even prepared and I came empty handed. Is this supposed to be so?
  "She's not around. No one is...."
  "Huh?" I stopped short at the door, not knowing if I should be there, alone with him. But he has opened the door and showed me in.
  
  It was a humble, simple flat. Nothing fancy but neat and tidy. He held my hand and guided me in another room. It was his bedroom. Kinda cramped with all his marital arts stuffs, trophies from his ecas, his sport gears and tons of magazines.
  
  Surprisingly with all his stuffs it's still pretty neat. "Neater than mine." I said aloud. There ain't a single chair, so we sat on his bed. While I was looking around, examining his trophies, suddenly I felt him leaned over to me. My heart starts to flutter and I felt my face blushing... Closer and closer he came, and I closed my eyes....
  
• DeadPoet

  29 Jul 04, 01:58

  Chapter 7
  
  Was it me or the temperature in the room was rising? I was sweating in the cool of the day. I couldn't think nor have the time to. Emotions of estacy has took over me as his kisses melted away all my defenses and logics.
  
  After the mind blowing passion, he held me in his arms. I was soaked in heavenly bliss as I laid there quiet, not wanting to break the magic of the moment.
  
  "Rrriinnngg...." the phone broke the silence and he got up to answer.
  "Hello? Yah.... how much?..... hmm... ok.... no problem, later."
  He turned and looked at me.
  "Sorry I gotta go out now. You mind to go back on your own?"
  "Sure, no problem." Even when I wanted to stay longer with him, I just don't have the guts to say it out.
  
  As we leave his place, he was quiet all the way. We walked past an atm and he stopped to withdraw some cash. In fact, quite a bit of cash, a couple of hundreds. Sensing my question, he explained to me. It's for his friends. Apparently, they have been asking money from him. And he just gave. I couldn't understand why and dare not probe. Should I ask? I do not know. I left on my own while he went to meet his friends, whom I have never met.
  
  ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  
  I haven't seen him for the past 2 days in school. And he never pick up my calls. I couldn't help but wonder wat went wrong? Everything was fine till now. There wasn't a sign of anything that might went wrong. Did I do something stupid? Was he ok?
  
  As I walked out of school in a daze, I heard someone called out to me. I turned around and saw Jason.
  
  "You have time? Maybe we go for kopi? There's something I wanna talk to you about."
  "Err... sure."
  Jason was solemnly quiet through out. And the silence was simply too awkward. As we sat down at a cafe with some drinks, Jason let out a deep sigh.
  
  "is everything ok?" I finally asked.
  "Yes and no."
  I sat there, took a sip of my latte and waited for him to open up.
  "Are you seeing tat Vince?" he finally broke the silence.
  I nodded. Well at least I think we are still seeing each other.
  "You shouldn't!"
  I was taken aback by his angry outburst.
  "I'm sorry. I mean you should really reconsider it."
  "Why?"
  "He's not a good person. Do you know anything about him?"
  I shaked my head. Seriously I really don't know much about Vince. He has been really sweet to me, but he have never told me anything about his past or watever. I don't even know who are the friends he hang out with.
  
  "He's with a group of hell riders. He's in gang!"
  I was shocked. "This must be a mistake." I defended.
  And Jason began to tell me all about Vince. Apparently he's the "bad boy" in school, always getting into trouble. Hang out at nights with his gangster friends to the wee hours. Getting into fights and ending up at police stations.
  
  Suddenly everything made sense. He was often very tired in the morn for school. His hush hush phone calls. He always going out late at nights. His never introducing me to his friends, and even we met people he knew on the streets, he will just let go of my hand. So this was the reason.
  
  "Jo you ok?"
  "Yah I guess so." I mumbled.
  Jason reached over the table and held my hand. "I just don't wanna see u hurt." I stared at Jason blankly. Was he blushing? Gosh! What is happening?!
  
  "I've always like you. But I was too shy to say anything to you. And after Cyndi's ordeal, it's hard or rather impossible for me to talk to you. And I realised how much I miss you..." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Jason likes me?! This is impossible! And he was to me too confident to be shy.
  
  "I know I am silly. I even went to warn Vince to leave you alone..."
  "You wat?!"
  Then the whole story came out. The other day Vince was late because Jason was 'talking' to him. How Vince was upset that Jason interferred and vowed to hurt me in ways he can't even imagine.
  
  Coming to my senses, I moved my hand away. "Thanks for telling me all these. But... It's... it's... just too late." With that, I ran off before tears would flow down my cheeks. I don't believe what I have heard, and I know I don't want to. Surely this is not true, even if Vince is a gangster so wat? but he can't be doing this just to hurt me... or could he?
  
• DeadPoet

  29 Jul 04, 01:59

  Chapter 8
  
  The past few days I was just in a daze. Lectures and tutorials just flew by without me hearing a single word from the lecturers. All I could think of is Vince. He has been "too busy" to talk to me since. And I didn't know how to confront him, or perhaps I didn't want to.
  
  Sitting in the canteen alone during break, at our usual quiet corner, I sipped my cup of coffee slowly. Half hoping that Vince would join me today, and half wishing no one will talk to me. I'm just not ready to face anyone. But my wish didn't come through....
  
  "Oooooh... someone is so lonely huh?" the once familar voice pierced the silence. I looked up and saw Cyndi with a snear on her face. Great, the last person I want to face. I looked down and kept quiet, hoping that she'll just go away. Seeing my failure to defend myself, she started a whole series of verbal assaults at me. Though I was so shut out that I didn't really hear what she was throwing at me, but the sense of self pity just overwhelmed me. Suddenly I just burst out crying. All these days of uncertainty, fear and desperation seemed to pour out all at once.
  
  Cyndi was so shocked that she stopped her assaults and just stared at me. Just as she turned to go away, someone grabbed her and pushed her to the ground. Hearing the sound of her falling to the ground, I looked up. And to my horror, it's Jason! He was hiding from afar and when he saw me crying he couldn't contain himself and came to me.
  
  "What the h~~~~" Cyndi screamed.
  "Shut up will ya! Look what you've done to Jo already..." Jason snapped at her and came over and pulled me into his arms.
  "It's ok, no one can hurt you now. I'm here..."
  I must admit, I felt really safe since a long long time, here with my head against his chest. I have forgotten how much I long for some one's support and care. Deeply touched, I put my arms around his waist and sobs quietly. Just as I was drowning myself in the gentleness of Jason, I heard a voice.
  
  "So this is what it's all about."
  We turned and saw Vince, standing there with his arms crossed. His face was stone cold and his tone was piercing. I quickly released my arms ard Jason.
  "No wonder you don't seems to miss me at all. You are in 'safe' arms..."
  "No, it's not what you think.... I..."
  "Forget it. If you can do this in school, outside school? Ha! No holds barred eh?"
  
  I was shocked, I have never seen Vince in this manner. How could he say this of me? All I could do was to shake my head and sob.
  "Hey don't you accuse Jo!" Jason jumped to my defence .. again.
  "Well it doesn't matter to me anymore, you can have her. I already had... Haha!"
  At that Jason threw a punch at Vince, and before I could react a fight broke out and the commotion drew a large crowd around us. And unfortunately, our discipline master was also in the crowd.
  
• DeadPoet

  29 Jul 04, 01:59

  Chapter 9
  
  "Jo, over here!" Jason was waving at me at our usual seat in the cafe. I smiled politely and made my way over.
  
  I've been 'going out' with Jason ever since he got into a fight for me. After all he did got a warning and dimerit points. I must admit this was out of a guilty conscience more than anything else. Although I do admit he was a really nice guy and enjoyable companion, but there was simply no chemistry. Well at least at my end.
  
  I smiled and nodded politely while Jason happily telling me about his upcoming with his parents to Bali next week during term break. I stared out of the window at the traffic goes by. I still miss Vince terribly, he's been avoiding me in school and not picking up my calls. How I longed to explained to him about me and Jason.
  
  "Jo? Ok?"
  I turned around and smiled. "Yah, sure."
  "Great! Wow it'll be really fun! I promise u!"
  "Huh? Fun?"
  "Yah, Bali is a very nice place! We can go scuba diving together!"
  "Bali?" I thought he was asking me if I'm ok, what Bali?
  "Yah, I asked if u wanna go bali with us and u said ok. Right?"
  Damn! What have I gotten myself into?
  "Err... Yah. But... but what would your parents think? And... err... I dunnoe.. hmmm... if my parents will allow." I stuttered, trying to come up with excuses that sounds sensible.
  "My parents would be ok as long as I'm happy. But you're right, your parents might not be too happy about that..."
  
  Looking at Jason's disappointed face, I felt really bad. I'm hurting a nice guy again and again. Suddenly I really hate myself....
  
• DeadPoet

  29 Jul 04, 02:07

  Chapter 10
  
  Laying on my bed, I still can't believe the reaction of my parents. Just now when Jason sent me home, we unfortunately ran into my parents... in the lift! Sigh, major bad luck on my part. Though Jason was so happy and sweet, chatting with my dad about the current political climate. And my mum was just grinning at me all the while
  
  Jason was invited to have 'tea' for a while by my parents despite my mention of the late hours. The nightmare didn't stopped there. While sipping xiang pian with my dad, Jason popped the question.
  
  "Uncle, I wonder if Jo could go Bali with me and my parents in the coming holiday. I'll take good care of her... I.. "
  I almost choked on my tea as Jason jumped on the opportunity as their conversation stirred towards vacations.
  "Of cos can lah!" My mum jumps in, giving me a mischevious grin.
  "But hor she very blur blur one, you all must take care of her hor. Don't let her go lost hor..."
  "I will, I'll take very good care of her." Jason turned and smiled at me. I smiled feebly.
  
  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  
  The past few days, Jason has been busy in getting the holiday for us. Going to book the tickets etc, buying stuffs for the trip. I just go along half heartedly. Now how am I gonna get out of this? My parents even consented and they thought he's my boyfriend. If I go with him, his parents would think the same too. And we are supposed to share a room. Oh dear.... I can't bear to think of it.
  
  Suddenly I stopped in my trait.
  "What's wrong?"
  I looked behind me but didn't see anything wrong.
  "What?"
  "I don't know. I just keep having this weird feeling that we've been followed."
  Jason gave my hand a gentle squeeze. "It must be you haven't been sleeping well lately. You still having those prank calls at night?"
  
  Oh yah those calls. My room phone has been ringing at midnight, but when I picked up, it was total silence. Jason has suggested to make a police report. But seeing no actual harm was done, I declined. Didn't wanna blew up the whole issue.
  
  Anyway, what was more urgent on hand was my trip. Is there still any way out of this &!@@?
  
  "You ok?" Jason asked, his face so concerned and worried.
  I smiled and nodded, "Yah sure. What else are we supposed to get?"
  As Jason happily led me to enter into a surf shop, I couldn't help but looked back again. It was that strange feeling again. Was I over suspicious or was there really someone?
  
• DeadPoet

  29 Jul 04, 02:07

  Chapter 11
  
  After a night of dinner and movies, Jason sent me home. Nowadays becos of my "strange feelings", he had insisted in sending me right to the door steps. Before I open the door, I turned to say goodbye to him. Yes I admit, I didn't want my parents to have any chance of dragging him in for "tea" again.
  
  Jason smiled and moved in closer to me. My body stiffened as his eyes seems to pierce through my soul. I turned away slightly, worried he can see into my heart and found he's not there. But mistaking my response as shyness, he gently hold my chin to face him again. Not able to bear seeing him at such closeness, I shut my eyes. BIG mistake. He planted a soft peck on my lips, looking ever so loving.
  
  I fumbled with my keys and quickly escaped back into the house. Damn, I'm done this time. I've been long avoiding any intimate gestures, or in fact, avoiding to face his feelings honestly. Is there no way out of this? How can I let him know that my heart still misses Vince without hurting him? He is such a nice guy afterall.....
  
  Suddenly my thoughts was interrupted by the sound of thunder. Looking out, I see the skies threatening to break forth into a heavy downpour.
  
  "Girl ah, back liao har?" my mum said as she came out of her room. "You lucky. Home any later, you might be caught in the rain liao lor." As she went to shut the kitchen windows, I remembered Jason didn't have an umbrella with him. "Mum I go out for a while!" I yelled as I ran out with 2 umbrellas in hand.
  
  ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  
  Down at the void deck, I ran toward the busstop, hoping that Jason haven't left. Suddenly, I heard a commotion. Sounds like someone's fighting. "Better dun kaypoh, wait I kenna beaten also," I think to myself and hurried on. But curiousity got the better of me, and I turned to take a peek.
  
  Around the corner of the block, I saw a horrifying sight. I ran toward them and yelled them to stop! It was Vince and Jason!
  
  "Guys stop it! What are you two doing?"
  "Nothing. Let's go." Jason pulled back his punch and grabbed my hand to go.
  
  But I could not go. Before me, was Vince. His right eye swollen and a tint of blood flowed from the corner of his mouth. My legs carried me towards him, only to be pulled back by Jason. "NO! Don't go to him." I turned to face Jason, only then realised that he was in no better state than Vince. His nose is bleeding slightly and face bruised.
  
  "What happened here? Why are u two fighting? And Vince, how come you're here?" Time seems to froze at my questions as both of them sank into a deep silence. Only the thunders were rolling and raindrops began to fall.
  
  I grabbed both of them and moved to the void deck before we all get drenched. Seated at the stone seats, they remained silence. I took out some tissue from my pockets and gave to both of them. Though I gave it to Jason first, I subconsciously turned and wiped the blood from Vince's mouth instead.
  
  This obviously didn't escaped the eyes of Jason and I could feel his anger raising. But I couldn't help it, I didn't even realised I did that.
  
  "Jo, I'm your bf, he's not. Not anymore..." Jason's anger soon turned into sorrow. I know it was time to face him and myself honestly. But not in front of Vince.
  
  "Vince, why are you here? Why did both of you fight?"
  Vince looked at me and suddenly all the memories of us came rushing over me. I knew I've missed him, but looking into his eyes was too overwhelming. Especially when he has the same look in his eyes when we together.
  
  "I missed you." Three words and my tears starts to flow down my cheeks. "I've been following you around for the past weeks. I know you're now with Jason and you two are going for a holiday together. I know I was the one that pushes you away, but I have my reasons. And I really missed you."
  
  By now I'm sobbing like a baby. I couldn't believe I'll hear those words from Vince. I turned toward Jason, he was quiet, his eyes sorrowful. Sitting there between the two, I wished this is just a nightmare...
  
• DeadPoet

  29 Jul 04, 02:08

  Chapter 12
  
  "Ah girl ah, wake up liao lah! Time for lunch already!!!" my mum yelled from outside my room. I could just lay there, staring at the ceiling. I haven't slept a wink the whole night, my mind still full of what happened last night....
  
  They both agreed to give me some time to think over it and left. continued to sit at the void deck and stared out to the field. My mind felt so heavy and confused. The rain suddenly seems so inviting. I took a step out and let the rain fell upon me. Yes, it felt cold and fit how I felt within. I ended up standing in the middle of the open field, lifting my face toward heavens and let the rain washed my troubles away.
  
  Of course that didn't work, but at least I felt more relaxed. My tears washed away by the rain, or rather I can no longer differentiate which are my tears.
  
  "AH CHOO!!!!!!!" I sneezed. Great, now I caught a cold too.
  "Ah girl har!!! how many times you want me to call you??" my mum yelling again.
  "Yes! Coming liao!"
  In the kitchen, the table was lined with preserved egg and lean pork porridge and fried you tiao. Yummy!
  "Ask you to eat only also take so long.... People dunnoe, think I ask you to die or wat. Sleep until so late, you turning into a pig liao... " I kept on mumbling "yes, yah, orh" as I went to wash up. Suddenly facing my mum's nagging was easy. Easier than facing my own problem....
  
  ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  
  Vince was already there with a cuppa when I arrived at the cafe. I just have to meet him and see what he have to say. Just trying to figure out things alone at home wasn't working at all.
  
  "Hi... ah choooo!!" I sneezed just as I sat down. "Oops."
  "Flu? You ok?" Vince reached over and touched my forehead.
  "Yah ok, just got a little cold. No worries."
  "Good afternoon! Can I take your order?" the cheery waitress interrupted.
  "Yes, an orange juice please." Vince replied as he pulled away his hand. He turned to me as the waitress left our table. "You flu should take orange juice." He looked so sweet and it melted my heart instantly. "Oh ok." I was actually dying for caffeine. The lack of sleep over the past few nights were really getting into me.
  
  After taking a few sips of my vitamine C intake, I took a deep breathe and looked up at Vince.
  "So tell me, what exactly is going on."
  Vince smiled and took a sip of his coffee.
  "Like I said, I missed you. That's why I have been following you around, looking at you from a distance....";
  "But why? Why after ... after....."
  "After I left you?"
  I nodded.
  Vince took a deep breathe, "Well it's not easy trying to explain to you. But I'll try...." I sat there waiting as his expression turned serious for the first time today.
  
• DeadPoet

  29 Jul 04, 02:09

  Chapter 13
  
  Seated at the cafe that afternoon, Vince began to tell of his side of the story...
  
  "Since the first day of school, I've noticed you. I was actually seated behind you in the bus as the whole bus load of us were late. You wasn't really pretty, but there's an aura of nonchantant charm about you. Your eyes wide and sparkling, as you glazed out of the window, trying to recognise the way. As we alighted and stood at the back of the assembly, I noticed how bored you were, just like me." Vince said smilingly as he stirred his coffee.
  
  "I though I will never get to know you. It's just not me to approach a gal. But heaven must have noticed and helped me. That day at the mrt station, Cyndi approached me. I know it's wrong of me, I accepted her date because of you."
  
  "After all the things we went through, we finally got together. That was the happiest days I had. But deep down I know, this would end some day..." he signed.
  
  "Remember that day I made you waited for me after school? That was because Jason came to have a talk with me. He warned me not to hurt you, and that I don't deserve to be with you. I know he is right. The next few days I didn't went school, it wasn't that I was trying to avoid you. It was because I was hospitalized..."
  
  "You're what??!!!" I had to interrupted. "What happened? Why didn't you tell me about it?"
  
  Vince took a long look at me and signed. "How could I? Am I supposed to tell you I was hospitalized because of a broken arm I got from a gang fight? And all that you heard about me as a gangster is true?"
  
  We both fell into a deep silence. I was speechless, not knowing what to say.
  
  Finally he spoke again. "I don't want you to get into any trouble because of me. A number of my gangster friends had seen you around with me and recognised you already. If they do, so would my enemies. I can't afford any harm to come to you. And you are such an innocent gal, you're too good for me. I know my days of happiness has to come to an end..."
  
  "I didn't know how to tell you. So when I saw u crying in Jason's arms, I simply took the opportunity to break off...."
  
  I looked at him in unbelief. Was that the stupidest excuse or the most painful truth? I fought back my tears that was threatening to flow.
  
  "Then I realised how much I missed you... " Those words broke my feeble attempt and tears started to flow.
  
  Vince gently wiped my tears with tissues. He was still so gentle and loving as before. I looked up at him and saw his expression painful and sad.
  
  "So now... *sob* does it means it's safe for us to be together? Are you leaving the gang?"
  
  Vince shook his head. "Are you willing to run the risk for being with me?" I stared blankly at him. I seriously don't know. Not that I fear what might come upon me. More of an uncertainty of our relationship.
  
  "I know it's alot of you to comprehend at once. Take your time and think it through. Let me know ok?" I nodded and left. As I walked out of the cafe, I turned back. Vince was waving goodbye at me...
  
  
• DeadPoet

  29 Jul 04, 02:10

  Chapter 14
  
  "Ah gal, wake up!" Mum was knocking at my door. I mumbled something which I myself can't make out. I pulled my quilt over my head and continued sleeping.
  
  I've been sleeping alot lately, especially after that day at the cafe with Vince. Perhaps it was my way of escaping. I just didn't want to face up to any situation about the three of us.
  
  Suddenly, someone pulled my quilt away. I squinted my eyes as the afternoon sun pierced through the window.
  
  "What?" I protested.
  "Aiyoh, you everyday sleep sleep sleep! Wake up lah. Ah Jason is here."
  "What??!!!" I jumped up. I turned to the door and saw Jason standing there grinning. "Arrgghhh!!!" I darted under the quilt. And the room fell into silence. I heard the door closed and peeked out of my quilt. To my horrors, sat at the edge of my bed was Jason!
  
  "Heehee.. saw already, no need to hide." He gently tugged my quilt away.
  "Eeeee......... why u come without telling me?" I sulked as I sat up. He's right he already saw how ugly I am in the morning, or rather when I wake up, so no point hiding.
  "Well, I haven't heard from you for a few days..."
  "I knew it, he's gonna ask me about my decision," I thought to myself.
  
  To my surprise, he went on to talk about our upcoming trip to Bali. I've long forgotten we're supposed to be leaving this coming weekend. I must have looked really awkward, sitting there, twiggering my thumbs.
  
  "Are you ok?"
  "Huh? Yah..."
  "If you don't want to go Bali, it's ok one, you know..." his voice faded in disappointment that even a just woke up me can detect.
  
  After a couple of minutes of silence, I finally ask, "Well, what time is the flight har?" His eyes sparkled when he heard this.
  
  "Morning 9:55am. I'll come pick you up at 8!"
  I managed to squeeze out a smile and nodded. Suddenly, he pulled me into his arms and hugged me so tight I almost can't breathe.
  "Jason... I... I can't breathe." I protested softly.
  "Oops. sorry! I was too happy." he let me go and grinned boyishly. "Let's go out for lunch today."
  "Sure, just let me go wash up first."
  
  Locking myself in the bathroom, I stared at my own reflections in the mirror. I don't know what have I done or what I should do. "Well, it's too late to pull out of it anyway. The ticket had been booked already. Don't waste people's money like that. Right?" Am I convincing? Or am I trying to fool myself? I have no idea....
  
• DeadPoet

  29 Jul 04, 02:10

  Chapter 15
  
  The next few days flew past in a blur. The night before the trip, I was packing my luggage when the phone rang.
  
  "Hello?"
  "Jo?"
  I freezed, it was Vince. The question he has posted to me at the cafe just pop back into my mind. I've long locked it in the bottom of my heart, not willing to face it.
  
  "Jo???"
  "Oh.. yes. Hi Vince."
  "How have you been? I haven't heard from you for a few days."
  "Err... yah, I was busy." I knew that was a very lame thing to say but that was the only thing I could think of at that moment.
  "So, ermm... tomorrow are you free? Wanna meet up for dinner or something?"
  "Tomorrow??!!";
  "Yah, tomorrow. You've got something on?"
  "I... I'm.... ..... ..... I'm going Bali tomorrow." my voice withered into a soft whisper.
  
  After a couple of seconds of silence, Vince finally spoke. "It's ok then, enjoy yourself."
  
  I sat there, holding the phone even after he have hung up. I couldn't lie to him yet I was totally confused. All I knew was that I have hurt him.
  
  ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  
  "Ding dong!"
  Jason was right on time. I wasn't ready yet, my luggage was still half packed. I quickly threw a couple more clothes into my bag and left the house with him.
  
  His parents were waiting for us in their car at the bottom of our block. After greeting them, I sat in silence throughout the journey to the airport. Grazing out of the car, I just watched the scenery passed by me. Everything seems so unreal and distant.
  
  Jason reached over and holded my hand.
  "Jo?" Jason leaned over and whispered. I turned and saw his happy face.
  "You ok? You seems tired."
  "Yah... a little. Last night didn't really sleep much...."
  "Me too. Too excited!" He was grinning so happily that I couldn't bear to face him. I turned back to look out of the car. It was too late to back out, too late to think if I've done the wrong thing, too late to regret.... or was it?
  
• DeadPoet

  29 Jul 04, 02:11

  Chapter 16
  
  Despite my moodiness, the excitement of holiday still caught up with me. Especially with the hassles of checking in luggages etc. I like the airport, everyone here seems so relaxed and happy. The holiday mood and excitement seems to hover in the place perpertually.
  
  Seated by the window, I looked out as the plane took off. Seeing the skylines of singapore getting smaller, the smile on my face began to fade away. I was really going on a holiday with Jason, leaving behind the one I felt most for.
  
  "Jo?" Jason leaned over. "Can still see singapore meh?"
  I didn't realised I've been staring out of the window for way too long. I turned and gave him a weak smile, nervous to be caught drifting in my thoughts.
  "You want anything to drink? wine?" Jason seem not to have notice my unease, which was good for me I guess.
  "wine? I've never tried it before."
  "Wanna try?"
  I nodded, obligating out of guilt for thinking about Vince.
  
  -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  
  Arriving at the resort, I got memerised by the view. The sun, the sand and the sea. Serious. The view was simply beautiful. And everyone were in their beach wear, all tanned and relaxed.
  
  We got into our room and immediately we were welcomed by the view of the sea out of our balcony.
  
  "Wow!!!" I ran to the balcony and exclaimed in excitement. "It's beautiful! Jason did you see this??" Before I could turn around, Jason came up from behind and wrapped his arms around my waist.
  
  I was caught in shocked and simply frozed up. He pulled me in and pressed his face against me. "Yes, it's beautiful isn't it?", he whispered.
  
  I could just nodded. He continued to hug me while all I could think of was when will he let go of me. It was too awkward for me, and a sense of guilt ran over me as I began to wonder what would Vince think or say if he finds out.
  
  Eventually he let go and we went back into the room to unpack. Then I realised another horrifying thing. There's only one queen bed in the room!!! In my excitement of seeing the view outside our balcony I have not noticed that till now.
  
  While I was still deep in thoughts (of trouble), the door bell rang. And it was his parents asking us to go for dinner. As we made our way to the seafood restaurant, I can't help but to wonder, how am I to go through the night......
  
• DeadPoet

  29 Jul 04, 02:11

  Chapter 17
  
  The seafood dinner was sumptuous. Especially when we had it by the sea, the view simply enhanced the entire eating experience. Although I was awkward having dinner with Jason's parents at first, but soon the sea, the breeze and the food soon got all of us relaxed and chatting like a family. Plus his parents were really nice and friendly, not imposing or anything.
  
  After dinner, his parents went back to their room. Well not after coaxing us to have a stroll to help digestion. Oh well, what else can I say? The thought of a leisurely stroll does seems like a great idea, especially after all the food we had eaten. I can feel my waist expanded already....
  
  I must have the weirdest way of walking. To avoid him holding my hand, I keep walking left and right in 'S' shape. Of course I tried to cover up by looking here and there, but I guess he ain't that stupid, right?
  
  Being as clumsy as I was, I accidentally stepped on a rock and lost my balance. Jason grabbed me in time and there in his arms I can't help but looked into his eyes. His eyes seemed to be smiling and sparkling like the stars above. Were they really so, or my eyes were playing a trick on me?
  
  Jason helped me to stand up and held me close. Standing there, with his arms around my waist and our foreheads adjoining, I could feel my heart pounding away. A part of me was moved, it was after all a really romantic moment. Yet another part of me wanted to move away, accusing myself of "betraying" Vince.
  
  I have no idea how long have we been standing there by the sea in that position. Between us, there were total silence, except for the sound of the wind and the waves hitting the shores. Suddenly....
  
  "Ah~~~~ choo~~~~~" I let out a sneeze.
  Jason broke out in laughter. "Let's go before your mucus flow out. There won't be at all romantic!"
  I gave him a light punch for teasing.
  
  We made our way back to the resort before we both freeze to death. And this time Jason held my hand and I just let him. Having mucus ain't a pretty sight, so is falling down along the way.
  
  Was it my imagination? Or his hand really so warm and nice? This ain't the first time he hold me, but why his hand felt so different? Was it the bali air?! I shook my head, trying not to think so much.
  
• DeadPoet

  29 Jul 04, 02:12

  Chapter 18
  
  I was laying on bed watching tv when Jason came out of the shower. He flopped beside me and ruffled my hair.
  
  "Hey! Stop that!" I protested.
  "Your turn, you stinky pig..."
  "Call me what?!" I took the pillow and threw at his head. And before he could retaliate, I jumped off the bed and ran into the bathroom. But not after I made a face at him...
  
  As I stepped out of the bathroom, I felt so refreshed after a warm shower. I stretched my back and suddenly I just stopped in motion. Jason was laying on bed, top naked! Bottom I don't know cos he was under the quilt.
  
  Jason turned his eyes from the tv and smiled at me.
  "Time to sleep?"
  "Er... I... You... erhm...."
  "What?"
  "Are... are... you.... erhm.... naked?"
  Jason threw back his head in laughter. "Of course not, I still have my shorts on. Why? You want me to?" He joked, giving me a naughty wink.
  
  "NO lah!!!!" I blushed.
  "Ok ok... Let's sleep then, it's quite late."
  I stood there in total silence.
  "What's wrong?" Jason sat up and asked.
  "There's.... there's only.... erhm... one bed..."
  "Hahahaa.... you're worried about that har? You want me to put a bowl of water between us then?"
  "No lah, so lao tu....."
  
  Jason pulled over the cover and signalled me over. I hesitated and slowly moved over. I sat on the bed, not knowing really what i should do. Jason leaned over and I froze up. As his face moved closer to mine, I could help but to close my eyes and bit my lower lips. Gosh, he is going to kiss me issit?!
  
  Suddenly I felt a peck on my cheek and that he moved away. I opened my eyes and turned to him. He has already got out of the bed, holding to a pillow. I was quite taken aback.
  
  He simply smiled and said good night. And he went laid down on the sofa. I slowly lay down on the bed, covering myself up. I let out a sign of relief. But a part of me also wondered have I hurt him. Afterall I did rejected him right??
  
• DeadPoet

  29 Jul 04, 02:13

  Chapter 19
  
  I slowly open my eyes, blinking in the morning sun that shone into the room. Turning away from the window, I blinked and went "Ah!!!" It was Jason with his face right next to mine.
  
  "You gave me a shock...."
  "Am I that frightening?"; he asked smilingly.
  "No lah...."
  "Why you so scared then?"
  "I wake up with your face so near mah... of cos will get a shock..."
  "No, I mean this." And he pointed at the covers.
  
  Then I realised I have subconsciously pulled the covers up to my neck. Ok this is gonna be a bit hard to explain. While I'm still trying to look for the right words to say, he sat up straight by my bed. He was looking down at the floor, and I knew I must say or do something soon.
  
  I sat up straight too, and of cos not with the covers still at my neck. I felt so bad that I had an urge to hold his hand or something. Yet I knew if I do it out of sympathy it would hurt him even more.
  
  "Jo....." he finally looked up from the floor at me.
  "Y.....yah?" I replied with a smile that I tried to squeeze out.
  "Are we together?"
  "Huh? What do you mean?" Yes I am lying of cos I knew what he meant, I just dunnoe how else to react.
  "I mean... do you like me at all?"
  "Of cos I do."
  "Really??" Jason leaned over and stared straight at my eyes. Looking into his eyes, I could just nodded.
  "But do you love me?" he pressed on.
  I was startled. All I could do was stared blankly at him, my throat suddenly felt all dried up.
  "I... I.... I have.... never thought abt that...." I had to pull away from his intense eyes.
  
  Suddenly he ruffled my hair. "Go wash up you sleepy head! Time for breakfast!" I turned and puzzled to see him all smiling again. But I was glad I don't have to answer anymore of questions.
  
  "You have 5 mins!!!"
  "Har? Not enuff lah!" I complained as I jumped out of bed and dashed into the bathroom.
  
  Once behind the closed door of the bathroom, I let out a sign. Is it a relief? Or am I sad? I have no idea, it just all too confusing for me right now....
  
• DeadPoet

  29 Jul 04, 02:13

  Chapter 20
  
  The rest of the trips flew past with time spent in the sun, sand and the sea. And of course glorious seafood. Holidays are always fun and relaxing. Jason has been a great companion, and great fun to hang out with. And strangely, he have not hold my hands or anything like that since. But my brief moments of wonder were often disrupted by the ever ongoing beach activities at the resort.
  
  Even the nights were spent watching and giggling over sitcoms we caught on the resort cable tv.
  
  On the last night of our trip, as he settled down in the sofa to sleep, I finally brought the topic up again. Curiousity really kills the cat.
  
  "Jason?" I asked while we were both laying down in our respective "beds".
  "Yah?"
  "Is everything alright?"
  "Sure, something's wrong?"
  "Nah, just that... you know... hmm.... about us?" I cautiously muttered.
  "What about us?" He sounded so normal, that it made me felt as if I'm over-reacting or something.
  "Well, are we... hmm.. still... you know?"
  
  By now, he sat up on the sofa and looked at me. Staring at each other across the not-so-big room suddenly seems so silly.
  
  "Yes, we are still friends."
  "Friends?"
  "Yup, that's what you wanted, right?"
  Ok I do felt utterly stupid by now.
  "Don't worry about it, I know how you felt."
  Somehow his assurance starts to hurt. What is it that I wanted anyway?
  "We'll remain friends until you want more." His eyes looking at me ever so tenderly. I nodded and hid myself under the covers. Ok I'm being ridiculously stupid while he's shockingly wonderful. Gosh, do I hate myself....
  
  ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  
  Back in singapore, back to school again. I saw many familiar faces, now all tanned and happy. Seems like everyone had a great time during the school break and the school is now buzzing with excitement as everyone catching with everyone again.
  
  I sat alone at my usual corner in the canteen, reading a novel while munching my sandwich. Suddenly, the once-familiar high pitched voice pierced my little piece transquility.
  
  "Hi Jo~~~~~"
  I looked up and surprised to see Cyndi, all smiling while she swayed her butt towards me. Something seems very wrong. As I stared at her waving at me, I noticed her other hand was occupied. She was holding someone's hand.
  
  I dropped my book and felt tears welling up in my eyes. She was holding onto Vince's hand! I couldn't figure out she was holding his hand or pulling him along. But their hands were locked together tat's for sure. As I stared in unbelief and shock, she has made her way to me.
  
  "How's your holiday?" Was that a smile or a smirk? I was too shocked, confused, and hurt to tell. I stared at Vince, whose face is totally void of any emotion. Except maybe one of irritation. He looked rather impatient to be pulled along to be "show" around.
  
  "I heard you went for a holiday with Jason. Fun? Well, I had a great holiday..... with Vince of cos..." and her sentence was finished with a string of giggles, whether of pure joy or victory, whatever, I couldn't tell.
  
  "Come on, let's go." Vince cut her off impatiently and walked off with Cyndi running after him and held his arm closed to her body.
  
  What is happening? This can't happen. Vince... with Cyndi? Why? How? When? too many questions flooded my mind as tears starts to flow uncontrollably. Seeing them walking away, I just lost my appetite.
  
• DeadPoet

  29 Jul 04, 02:14

  Chapter 21
  
  The next few days flew past in a daze. I have tried to avoid the public parade of vince and cyndi as much as i can. But to not much success. Cyndi seems to keep appearing wherever I go. I have this feeling that she was enjoying it thoroughly.
  
  By the end of the week, i felt totally defeated. I have no idea what had happened and how it has happened. Maybe it's my fault. Afterall I did went on a holiday with Jason. But, yet a part of me was reluctant to accept it. I was planning to make a decision and talk with Vince when I come back. Apparently that was no longer an option.
  
  As I came out of my daze, I was shocked to find myself under the block of Vince's place. How did I end up here? I quickly turned to get out asap.
  
  "What are you doing here?"
  Vince was standing right in front of me. I was at a lost of what to say. How am i to tell him that my feet brought me here w/o my permission? Nah it sounds so lame.
  
  Vince came over and grabbed my hand. My mind was in a blank and could only follow his lead. We ended up in his place, in his room.
  
  I sat nervously on his bed, trying to say something. Even though there were many questions running through my mind, I just can't seem to find the right words to say.
  
  "How's your holiday?" Vince broke the silence.
  I looked up at him, and couldn't really make out how he was feeling.
  "Well it was ok..."
  "Must be fun rite? So things are going on well for both of you rite?" Was that a hint of sarcasm?
  I took a deep breathe and decided it's either now or never.
  
  "Yes, we are still good friends."
  "Friends??" Vince stared at me with unbelief.
  "Nothing happened between me and him. He knew my heart is not with him." I let out a sign of relief, finally i have said it.
  "But... but I thought u have decided to be with him when u go on the trip with him?"
  "I couldn't reject him and everything is booked.. i know it's lame but i really dunnoe how to tell him. he was afterall very nice to me... too nice. I felt bad."
  
  I can't believe it, i actually said all that out. Maybe because i realised all these had happened because I have not made myself clear. I looked at Vince, seeing his face turned from unbelief to realisation to... guilt?!
  
  "Vince? Are you ok?"
  "I know it's too late for me to say all these. Anyway, since you're with Cyndi... I... I wish you two the best." I was almost choking with tears, but that was what i am supposed to say right?
  
  Vince bent over with his hands on his head. It was a picture of pain. For that moment, i'm not sure if I have said the right thing.
  
  I reached over to stroke his head. Suddenly he embraced me, holding me close to him. Gosh what's happening?
  
  "Vince? Did I said something wrong?"
  He released his embrace and I looked into his eyes all sole and red. I could feel my jaw dropped. What followed even more shocking. Vince went on to tell of how he ended up with Cyndi....
  
• DeadPoet

  29 Jul 04, 02:15

  Chapter 22 (The End)
  
  Looking intently into his eyes, i could clearly see regret and pain. These puzzled me even more and yet I did not want to push him to talk. No one knows better than me how difficult it is to talk about how our heart really felt.
  
  Vince pulled away his eyes from mine and looked out of the window. Slowly he began his story...
  
  "Remember that day I called you? And you told me you're going on a trip with Jason? When Cyndi told me that, I don't believe her. Yet..... *deep sigh* I thought we can begin again, but to realised it was all too late. My heart was crushed.
  
  Another part of me was very upset and angry. I felt that you misled me and playing me along. How could u say u love me and go on a trip with another guy?!"
  
  I sat there quietly, holding back my urge to defend and clarify myself. I told myself, "Let him finish..." and he continued.
  
  "That nite i was consumed by jealousy and anger. I was beside myself. I need to vent out one way or another. And .... and... cyndi called me."
  
  "And?" Hearing that I can't help it but to probe.
  
  "And... we went out. We went clubbing, I just want to drink and dance my frustrations away. I wanted to numb my heart. And .... and .... i guess, i numbed myself wee too much with alcholol."
  
  By now, pictures of a half drunk him and cyndi dancing intimately were forming in my mind. Maybe they even kissed! I shaked those images out of my head and bit my lips to hold my peace.
  
  "Things got ... abit out of control. And.... and... well... we ended up back here in my room. One thing led to another.... and.... .... ....."
  
  "You .... *swallow* you two.... have ...... s... ex?" I asked as if the words are fragile, fearing what the answer would be. And it did as Vince slowly nodded his head, "That was how we ended up together. I thought u and Jason have already.... you know?"
  
  Tears flowed quietly down my cheeks. We both sat in complete silence as the sun slowly sets outside the window. As the room dimmed, he turned and asked the most stupid question i have ever heard. "Do you want to scold me?"
  
  I just looked at him blankly. Suddenly i let out a laugh. More like a sneer, I'm not sure. "What would tat change, vince?" "Jo, I'm sorry i know i've betrayed you.... I don't love Cyndi, you know that.... I... I.... really thought you and Jason.... " He reached over to hold my hands. I moved my hands away.
  
  With tears in my voice, i started to speak. "That time when we were .... ... ... passionate.... you stopped, you didn't want to have sex with me. You said because u love me. And now you have sex with someone you don't love? I really.... don't understand your logic."
  
  I could see tears sparkling in his eyes. He turned and hugged me tight. His embrace felt so warm but I knew this is not what i want.
  
  "Vince, it's ok.... It's over. You have Cyndi now and you have to take responsibilty. Too many things between us. It's no one's fault...." Slowly he released his embrace and I got up and left in silence.
  
  As i walked out of his place, i realised there were no more tears. Yet my heart was so painful. It was as if someone tear it out while I'm still alive. Maybe... maybe this is how it feel when it hurt the most. This is perhaps what the chinese quote means by wanting to cry yet there ain't any tears...
  
  (THE END)
  
• DeadPoet

  29 Jul 04, 02:27

  By tiaret
  
  21st of October
  
  October 21st 1965
  
  Sigh... in another 30 days my agony will start. The A levels examination!!! I have barely started with my revision. How am I supposed to study with 3 younger brothers fighting and another 2 younger sisters wailing away? Home has never been a conducive place to study in. Being the eldest child doesnÂ’t help either. IÂ’ve got to take care of the 5 monkeys, do the household chores and study! What a life!
  
  WellÂ… the only refuge IÂ’ve got, is the National Library. No.1 itÂ’s free. No.2 itÂ’s got the reference books I need and most importantlyÂ… There arenÂ’t any young kids screaming their lungs out. ItÂ’s just simply heaven.
  
  Oh no! The library is full with students mugging for their examinations too. I guess the library is heaven for many other students as well. Every single seat in the library is taken up and everyone is burying the heads in their books. *Cross my fingers* Hope IÂ’ll be able to find a seat soon. Somewhere near the reference section, I spied an empty seat. Hah! Lady luck is smiling on me. I made a mad dash for that seat before itÂ’s taken up by someone.
  
  *Bang* I slammed my books down onto the table, smiling triumphly. Yeah Yeah~ IÂ’ve got the seat! Almost simultaneously, a head from across the table lifted up. With a deep frown on his brows, the boy stared at me. OppsÂ… I must have disrupted him from his studies. I gave a little smile, quickly mumbled a *Sorry* and sat down.
  
  I pulled out the Mathematics textbook from my bag. Damn! My “favorite” subject. I had no other way out but to keep practicing, practicing and just practicing. I began my battle with differentiation, integration and functions. One question after another… … … after another…… …
  
  Shucks!!! WhatÂ’s with this differentiation question anyway?! I simply couldnÂ’t get the correct answer, even after re-doing for like a million times. I give up. Time to take a breather~ I lifted my head up and looked right into a pair of bespectacled, intense eyes. It was the boy who frowned at me just now. I stared back at him. Taken aback by my sudden action, he quickly shifted his gaze onto his books once again.
  
  HmmÂ…Â… Was he looking at me? Or was he looking at something behind me? *Turned over my shoulders* Nope. ItÂ’s just a whole shelf of books. *Fingers feeling my face* Nope. There isnÂ’t anything on my face either, hehe Â… perhaps just a few pimples, other than that there seriously isnÂ’t anything interesting around.
  
  Perhaps it was really me that he was starring at? It’s impossible! I’m just a plain Jane, the next-door-girl… not ugly but not exactly beautiful either. But I really did see him gazing at me. Or was it my imagination? Nah, I didn’t imagine that. Otherwise I wouldn’t be able to see how bright his eyes were. Hehee… He had nice eyes, even wearing spectacles couldn’t hide those bright eyes. His complexion was good for a guy and not to mention his high bridged nose…… I must admit – He’s pretty good looking.
  
  *Dong. Dong. Dong. Dong. Dong.* Oh! ItÂ’s five oÂ’clock already! I have to rush home to help Mother cook dinner. I quickly stuffed my books into the bag and rushed off. I wouldnÂ’t want to give Mother a chance to nag at me for reaching home late. Once she starts, she never (and I really mean NEVER) stops.
  
• DeadPoet

  29 Jul 04, 02:28

  October 24th 1965
  
  It’s been two days since I last went to the National Library to study. For the past two days, no matter what I was doing, miraculously an image of the boy in the library would creep into my mind and often disrupting my thoughts. When I close my eyes to sleep at night, I would see his face, his intense gaze at me. Perhaps I should go to the library to study today to see if I could “accidentally” meet him there.
  
  I walked towards the reference section. With every step I take, my heart would seem to increase by ten beats. There he was!!! Sitting at the exact spot two days ago. It seemed as if he had never left the seat before, waiting for me to be back. *Hahaha* Guess IÂ’m thinking too much.
  
  But anyway, I quietly slipped into the seat opposite, not wanting to disturb him. This time round, he didnÂ’t look up at all but carried on studying. Oh wellÂ… IÂ’ll just do the same too; perhaps heÂ’ll notice me later.
  
  I was diligently studying when I heard a finger tapping on the table. I looked up and saw him. Pointing to a pen in his hand, he mouthed the word *Pen*.
  Without much thinking, I asked him, “You want a pen?”
  Shaking his head, he mouthed the word *No*.
  “Huh? Then what do yo………”
  My question was drowned by a loud *QUIET* from the librarian. OppsÂ… IÂ’ve forgotten that weÂ’re not supposed to talk in the library. I could feel my face flushed from the embarrassment. I quickly looked down and pretended to be very interested in my notes.
  
  A moment later, a piece of paper was placed in front of my eyes.
  And our conversation on paper started:
  “Sorry about it. Didn’t mean to let you get scolded by the librarian. You left your pen on the table the other day. Was about to return it to you just now. ”
  “Oh, it’s ok. I’ve forgotten I was in the library. Anyway, thanks for keeping my pen and returning it to me. ”
  “You’re welcome. It’s just a small matter. So, are u studying for your A levels too?”
  “Yep. And right now I’m struggling with Mathematics. What about you?”
  “I’m taking Mathematics too. If you need any help I could give you a hand. By the way, my name is Wee Teck. What’s yours?”
  “I’m Poh Choo. Thanks for offering. I think I really need LOTS of help with Mathematics.”
  
• DeadPoet

  29 Jul 04, 02:29

  December 21st 1965
  
  AT LAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The A levels examination is OVER!!! Over~ Over~ Over~ I¡¦m so happy that it is finally over. I raced all the way from school to the National Library to meet Wee Teck. We had agreed to meet and celebrate together the end of our A levels examination.
  
  I spotted Wee Teck from afar. Haha¡K Actually it wasn't difficult to spot Wee Teck at all. Being almost one head taller than most people, it was impossible to miss him. His face lit up at the sight of me. I practically flew to him and grabbed his hands. We like two crazy person jumping, screaming and laughing outside the National Library. *Exam is over. Exam is over.* Only when other people started to cast weird stares at us, that it dawned on both of us that we have just acted insanely.
  
  When we finally calmed down, we were breathing heavily and still holding onto each other hands. Feeling awkward, I immediately pulled my hands out of his and looked shyly down on the ground. I could feel heat slowly creeping up my cheeks. I must have looked at the ground for quite sometime, cause Wee Teck said: ‘I didn’t know that the ground actually has the capability to hypnotize a person.’
  
  Upon hearing that, I burst out laughing and lifted my hand to slap Wee Teck on the arm. It was at this moment, he caught my hand and held it tightly in his and looked deeply into my eyes.
  
  Poh Choo, IÂ’m not very good with words but there is something IÂ’ve been wanting to tell you. During the exams period, I didnÂ’t get to meet you at all. But images of you would float into my mind, your mesmerizing smile, the mischievous twinkle in your eyes; I even hear your voice in my sleep. The whole time I was so afraid youÂ’ll forget about me because I know in this lifetime of mine, IÂ’ll never be able to forget you. Will you be my girlfriend? Will you, Poh Choo?Â’
  ‘Ouch!’
  ‘Huh? What kind of answer is ouch??’
  ‘Ouch, cause you are hurting my hand!’
  ‘Oh!’ *Letting go off my hand* I’m so sorry, Poh Choo. Are you ok?’
  ‘Yes, OK to both questions.’
  ‘What both questions? Are you sure you are alright?’
  ‘Yes, I’m fine. And Yes Ok to the first question you asked me just now.’
  ‘The first question REALLY?! You will? You will be my girlfriend?! I love you so much Poh Choo!’
  ‘Hahaaha, yes I will, Wee Teck. Cause I like you too’
  
  We went to the hawker centre and celebrated the end of the A levels examinations and the beginning of our new found relationship on a bowl of our usual tau huay'.
  
  ‘Uncle, why did you add so much sugar syrup in my tau huay today?’
  ‘Where got? It’s the same lah. I always put the same amount of sugar syrup one. Hahaha, must be today got girlfriend already, that is why exceptionally sweet issit?’