Poetry exercise :)
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Do not underestimate the destructive force of emptiness. As reflected in Poet Heng's writing, emptiness drives people to madness, emptiness kills.Originally posted by HENG@:Please somebody, just kill me.
Oh what is this?
Emptiness.... this hole in me,
This dreadful blank,
Its sucking my life from within.
Can't run from it, can't hide from it.
Vortex, malvolent force.
Energies destructive,
Ripping me apart.
Sundering me, from within,
Eternally dying, but never fully dead.
I like the last line ‘Eternally dying, but never fully dead.’ Unfortunately, most of us are presently in this condition, walking dead.
I especially like the first and second line,
‘Please somebody, just kill me.
Oh what is this?Â’
I know this is a serious poem, but the first two lines are so damn comical! (ahemÂ… pardon my language)
I look at Poet Heng’s avatar, and I read the poem again and I can’t help laughing. May I suggest ‘The confession of Darth Vader’ as the title of this poem? Hee hee. -
Originally posted by tare:
AhÂ… in praise of someone you love. So sweet. Poet tare has successfully brings out the characters of her hubby.
[b]Positive in thinking,
Observant in details,
Everything seems simple,
To him ever so wise,
In awe of his knowledge,
Continuously surprised.
Vehemently stubborn,
Externally normal,
Reach beyond the surface,
Sensitive to the core
Ever so faithfully mine.
and i anyhow write! [/b]
This kind of man hard to find liao, lucky tare.
Just a suggestion, instead of ‘Externally normal’, which in my humble opinion sound a bit … hmm…, well, why not change it to ‘Extremely handsome’ or ‘Exciting and hot’? (Joking only lah) -
Not at the moment. Too busy with work and studies.Originally posted by the Bear:hey, DP.. any more?
maybe if any of the nine muses come visit, i'll try this again -
Can can but not now. Maybe after Oct. I indeed to have 3 - 4 competitions per year.Originally posted by KittynMeow:DP... idea... let's do a competition using this method... kekeke
Suggested prize?? hmmm ... NYDC Voucher??? kekeke -
Originally posted by DeadPoet:
Do not underestimate the destructive force of emptiness. As reflected in Poet Heng's writing, emptiness drives people to madness, emptiness kills.
I like the last line ?Eternally dying, but never fully dead.? Unfortunately, most of us are presently in this condition, walking dead.
I especially like the first and second line,
[b]?Please somebody, just kill me.
Oh what is this??
I know this is a serious poem, but the first two lines are so damn comical! (ahem? pardon my language)
I look at Poet Heng?s avatar, and I read the poem again and I can?t help laughing. May I suggest ?The confession of Darth Vader? as the title of this poem? Hee hee.
[/b]
glad u liked it. hahaha. I like the suggested title. So it shall be.
quite a nice reading and analysis of the poem. -
Originally posted by KittynMeow:
Hee hee another poem by my favourite poet.
another attempt... kekeke
[b]Hate
Patiently as I wait
Overwhelming anxiety chokes, my confidence shakes
Evoking memories sad and depressed
Tormented by the emotional mess
I cried for release
Crying for peace
Vainly as I wait
Expecting the worst, resigned to fate
Rejecting comfort and refusing relief
Snatching at illusions and lies to believe
Enshrouded in denial, my hate begins to live.
[/b]
But just want to be sure, the 'I' in the poem, is it Hate or is it the poet? -
going out for a midnite drive. will be getting inspiration on my other, n biggest passion as a topic for a poem.
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Very dark poem. Can see that the poet has selected the words very carefully. For example, 'depthless inky skies', 'Charcoal gollywog face', 'bitter and ruthless', etc.Originally posted by choco B:Peel away the rough and hardened hide
Old and cynical, tired of the joy ride
Empty thoughts that fill a glossy head
Twinkling sequins, eventually they fade
Into the depthless inky skies
Charcoal gollywog face with bright eyes
Vice and venom to his simple goodness
Easy touch calms the nervous sprite
Raging days, bitter and ruthless
Sweet refuge found, as night
Embraces me.... we take flight.
These words help to create a very dark atmosphere.
Well written, rich in imageries, good use of metaphor, personification, etc.
Good ending,
Sweet refuge found, as night
Embraces me .... we take flight. -
Okay. Be careful, don't drive too fast brother.Originally posted by HENG@:going out for a midnite drive. will be getting inspiration on my other, n biggest passion as a topic for a poem. -
I have to confess. I read this poem several times and really enjoy it. Every time I read brings back different memories of my NS days.Originally posted by Master -_-:Patrolling always suck
Often finish late
Endlessly in the dark
To lock the gate
In times i get fucked
Constantly in my head
Very Happy
Everything went well
Rest and have a nappy
Saturday chiong in hell
Endure?
The words are simple, clear and ahem Â… also a bit crude. But hey, thatÂ’s Army for you.
Well done! -
Originally posted by I_am_PeTe_Parker:
Hey Paker, (Or should I call you Spiderman?)
Hi DeadPoet, I had quite a difficult early teenage actually. Had problem dealing with schoolwork. Was close to a nervous breakdown at one point. Woke up one morning and had chest pain and refused to go to school from that day onwards. Doctors could not find anything wrong. It was frightening. I just could not breathe properly but the doctors keep saying there was absolutely nothing wrong with me. It was agonizing – I missed so many days of schooling, I could not sleep well, could not eat well and I simply just did not want to go on and contemplated taking my own life (kind of like what I wrote in the poem). No one seems to be able to help and bring some relief. My family was always there but I felt they were suffering as well and it made things worst.
It was one long emotional struggle, but luckily, I eventually got out from that spiral of misery. Nevertheless till this day I still fear ‘not being able to breathe’ and that is why I chose ‘Strangle’ for the S in VERSE. I fear strangulation and suffocation more than death itself.
Anyway, that was in the past. I have another POETIC VERSE. I would like to dedicate this to all the forumite here especially to you the DeadPoet himself.
[b]‘The flower’ in you
Pretty flower blooms
Open your rainbow kissed blossom and banish the gloom
Ever so beautiful, ever so gentle
Touching heartsÂ…lovely coloured petals
Inviting joy to fill the emptiness
Cleansing sadness turning them into happiness
Violet or blue
Emerald, yellow and golden too
Rays of sunlight falls on little droplets of dew
Sparkling like diamonds rare and few
Everlasting your words… ‘the flower’ in you
To me, poets have little flower in them. Something like inspiration. And when that little flower/inspiration blossom it brings much joy to everyone reading the poems/words they write. Everlasting your words(poems)…(thank you for) ‘the flower’(inspiration) in you.
[/b] glad to know you are feeling better. It is really tough being a teenager in the past, but actually things are not getting better either.
And yes, thanks for the dedication. It is really refreshing to describe inspiration as ‘flower’. I wonder what kind of flower is inside me. Hee hee.
To me writing poems is a self-awareness process. It helps me to keep in touch with my inner self. It allows me to express my feelings in ways that I won’t be able to do in ‘normal’ conditions. And yes, sharing poems with friends is always a joy.
There is a poet in every one of us waiting to be awake.
Thanks for sharing. -
hehehe DP... read the last line again.... if I = Hate... then it shouldn't be "my hate begins to live" right??Originally posted by DeadPoet:Hee hee another poem by my favourite poet.
But just want to be sure, the 'I' in the poem, is it Hate or is it the poet? -
Hahahaha DP... you have to know tare's hubby to know why she wrote that... kekeke..... in fact, I was surprised she didn't write "exceptionally boring"Originally posted by DeadPoet:AhÂ… in praise of someone you love. So sweet. Poet tare has successfully brings out the characters of her hubby.
This kind of man hard to find liao, lucky tare.
Just a suggestion, instead of ‘Externally normal’, which in my humble opinion sound a bit … hmm…, well, why not change it to ‘Extremely handsome’ or ‘Exciting and hot’? (Joking only lah) -
You can call me anything. It is just my nick. I sense you are not very happy now? I quess everyone now and then do still feel ‘suffocated’Originally posted by DeadPoet:Hey Paker, (Or should I call you Spiderman?) glad to know you are feeling better. It is really tough being a teenager in the past, but actually things are not getting better either. . I use to have problems at school – now it is problem with love. It is just like an examination at the end of each stage of our life.
I have always enjoyed reading poetry. Tried writing a few myself but often end up disliking what I wrote. I do envy the talents here in this forum.Originally posted by DeadPoet:And yes, thanks for the dedication. It is really refreshing to describe inspiration as ‘flower’. I wonder what kind of flower is inside me. Hee hee.
To me writing poems is a self-awareness process. It helps me to keep in touch with my inner self. It allows me to express my feelings in ways that I won’t be able to do in ‘normal’ conditions. And yes, sharing poems with friends is always a joy.
There is a poet in every one of us waiting to be awake.
My pleasure. Cheers.Originally posted by DeadPoet:Thanks for sharing. -
Originally posted by I_am_PeTe_Parker:
hey pete. i see that we've both had some problems during our sch days.
Hi DeadPoet, I had quite a difficult early teenage actually. Had problem dealing with schoolwork. Was close to a nervous breakdown at one point. Woke up one morning and had chest pain and refused to go to school from that day onwards. Doctors could not find anything wrong. It was frightening. I just could not breathe properly but the doctors keep saying there was absolutely nothing wrong with me. It was agonizing ? I missed so many days of schooling, I could not sleep well, could not eat well and I simply just did not want to go on and contemplated taking my own life (kind of like what I wrote in the poem). No one seems to be able to help and bring some relief. My family was always there but I felt they were suffering as well and it made things worst.
It was one long emotional struggle, but luckily, I eventually got out from that spiral of misery. Nevertheless till this day I still fear ?not being able to breathe? and that is why I chose ?Strangle? for the S in VERSE. I fear strangulation and suffocation more than death itself.
Anyway, that was in the past. I have another POETIC VERSE. I would like to dedicate this to all the forumite here especially to you the DeadPoet himself.
[b]?The flower? in you
Pretty flower blooms
Open your rainbow kissed blossom and banish the gloom
Ever so beautiful, ever so gentle
Touching hearts?lovely coloured petals
Inviting joy to fill the emptiness
Cleansing sadness turning them into happiness
Violet or blue
Emerald, yellow and golden too
Rays of sunlight falls on little droplets of dew
Sparkling like diamonds rare and few
Everlasting your words? ?the flower? in you
To me, poets have little flower in them. Something like inspiration. And when that little flower/inspiration blossom it brings much joy to everyone reading the poems/words they write. Everlasting your words(poems)?(thank you for) ?the flower?(inspiration) in you.
[/b] -
Lust For Speed
Pedal to the metal,
Overboosting turbo whizz.
Elongating scenery,
Testimony to warp speeds.
Indeterminate destination,
City circuit is my own creation.
Velocity approaching infinite,
Effortlessly rushing towards near-disaster.
Right out of the blue, a red triangle!
Skills and training take over,
Ending my journey, later, a thankful survivor. -
hahhaa... good suggestion but nah i can't tell such a lie... i'm not living in denial....Originally posted by DeadPoet:AhÂ… in praise of someone you love. So sweet. Poet tare has successfully brings out the characters of her hubby.
This kind of man hard to find liao, lucky tare.
Just a suggestion, instead of ‘Externally normal’, which in my humble opinion sound a bit … hmm…, well, why not change it to ‘Extremely handsome’ or ‘Exciting and hot’? (Joking only lah)
yah hard to find.... dunnoe i lucky or unlucky, dunnoe he lucky or unlucky.... luck is in the eyes of the beholder?!
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hmm........... IDEA!!!Originally posted by KittynMeow:Hahahaha DP... you have to know tare's hubby to know why she wrote that... kekeke..... in fact, I was surprised she didn't write "exceptionally boring" -
Yeah lor, I actually thought you are personifying ‘Hate’ in the poem until I reach the last sentence i.e. ‘Enshrouded in denial, my hate begins to live.’Originally posted by KittynMeow:hehehe DP... read the last line again.... if I = Hate... then it shouldn't be "my hate begins to live" right??
That is where I got stuck. Because I expect to see ‘I begin to live’, instead of ‘my hate begins to live’. I realize it may not be a personification of ‘Hate’ after all. Hee hee. -
Really? Hmm ... he sounds like me. I am an exceptionally boringOriginally posted by KittynMeow:Hahahaha DP... you have to know tare's hubby to know why she wrote that... kekeke..... in fact, I was surprised she didn't write "exceptionally boring"
person too.
My idea of a romantic date is to sit beside a lake watching clouds passes by.
Coffee sessions with me consist of staring at the coffee for 80% of the time.
My concept of ‘I had a great time’ is reading books at home.
I put ‘Playing games at D&D/Outings’ at the top of my ‘Things I hate’ list.
And there are many many more Â… -
Hmm Â…am I happy now? I really donÂ’t know. I am 32 years old, employed and married (no kids), doing part-time degree, no major illness, etc. so am I happy?Originally posted by I_am_PeTe_Parker:My pleasure. Cheers.
All I can say is there is always room for improvement.
Actually I have no idea since when I got hooked in poetry. Most likely during secondary school. But it was only during my Pre-U days that I started to take/write poems seriously. (I got third prize in a poetry competition during primary school, but I canÂ’t remember what IÂ’ve wrote, something about being courtesy I think)
It is okay to dislike what youÂ’ve wrote. That is where you can improve on your poems. Take cooking for example; I usually ended up disliking what IÂ’ve cooked. (Although my friends and family members disagree) Just like writing poems, I enjoy exploring different ways to improve my cooking skills. Poetry to me is the food for the soul.
I am not that concerned with the technical details of poem writing. As long as you are able to express yourself clearly, get your message across to your readers, you are a good poet. On the other hand, feel free to explore the technical aspects of poetry, read on meter, metaphors, sonnets, etc. Explore new ways, get your creative juice flowing.
That is why I usually donÂ’t give negative comments on the poems posted here. If I think it is really bad, I usually pm the poet with some suggestions or I might suggest some slight amendments in the thread, etc
Never criticize a poem openly. Words are like fire, it brings light, but it burns too. A completed poem is like a baby to the poet, it is a product of efforts and love. It is a mirror of your inner soul.
There are indeed many talents in this forum, hey; you are one of them too. Just keep on writing, find your own style. Have fun. -
ah well. romantic is kinda like that. sitting at e merlion watching the sun come out... watching a good movie together...Originally posted by DeadPoet:Really? Hmm ... he sounds like me. I am an exceptionally boring
person too.
My idea of a romantic date is to sit beside a lake watching clouds passes by.
Coffee sessions with me consist of staring at the coffee for 80% of the time.
My concept of ?I had a great time? is reading books at home.
I put ?Playing games at D&D/Outings? at the top of my ?Things I hate? list.
And there are many many more ?
but i dun get that no more.
having a great time to me is. "i outbraked that bugger into the last chicane and snatched 1st place from him" -
Purple lavender so sweet of thee
Oh my cherished
Everlasting thou art
True to me thou art
Illusion of dreams filled me
Colors of thee follow me
Verily enchanting thou art
Everyday I thought of thee and smile
Rising like a princess thou art
Shining with your pride thou art
Everything of thee I love and remember eternally
not much thot
*think again*
*thanks deadpoet with some ideas* -
Hello MoonIce, long time no see.Originally posted by MoonIce:Purple lavender so sweet of you
Oh my cherished
Everlasting thou art
True to me thou art
Illusion of dreams filled me
Colors of you follow me
Verily enchanting thou art
Everyday I thought of you and smile
Rising like a princess thou art
Shining with your pride
Everything of you I love and remember eternally
not much thot
*think again*
Nice poem you've written. The first sentence already caught my attention.
'Purple lavender so sweet of you'
Purple ... one of my favourite colour.
Just a suggestion. If you used 'thou' in the poem, try to make it constant throughout the whole poem.
Also if you used 'thou' i.e. for 'your', you should also used 'thee' for 'you'. -
You had problems too huh? And I like things Star Wars too!Originally posted by HENG@:hey pete. i see that we've both had some problems during our sch days.
I notice you have on a McLaren Mercedes racing overall in your avatar. So I presumed you follow the F1 championship? I am a great fan of the F1 and a car enthusiast myself.
So we do have a lot in common. Cheers and may the next chequered flag be yours.
And you write poems too - again another thing in common. I am trying hard actually. But I see it is quite effortless to you.