my house....
-
theres a hole in the roof
where the rain comes in,
the moment i close my eyes,
my head begins to spin.
there are windows out high
that stops the blazing sun,
where tears flow out,
to water the flowers out front..
theres a crack in the wall,
where the cold wind blows,
the scars it has left,
on my body does show...
theres a path to the garden
where i have close the door,
after you have walked out,
i am not expecting anybody anymore...... -
On the surface this poem is about a tour around the poetÂ’s house. Every part of it, the wall, the roof, all bring back sad memories Â…
But I can’t help feeling that this is more than just a tour of the house. In my opinion ‘the house’ symbolizes the poet’s heart/body and the direction he is going to take in future relationships ...
Well organized, simple but yet profound, an excellent read.
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Clear and astounding.Your usage of daily items bring us closer to the shocking familiarity of the things you are trying to put across.
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part II
2003-05-01 - 7:56 p.m.
written somewhere in 97' cant remember the story behind it(hello its been 7 years!!)but i like this a whole lot.
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no one lives here anymore,
why dun u try knocking on some other door,
cos no one lives here anymore,
not here tho i was, before.
left this house of pain,
never coming back again,
left this house of pain,
one cold night when it rained.
no one lives here anymore,
nothing here but the cold marble floor,
no one lives here anymore,
you could see thru the empty hall.
left this house of pain,
never coming back again,
left this house of pain,
one cold night,i walked into the rain.
no one lives here anymore,
the weed in the garden is growing tall,
no one lives here anymore,
soon enough the building will fall.
left this house of pain,
walked into the rain,
left this house of pain,
before i go insane. -
I love the way you repeated the two sentences ‘no one lives here anymore’ and ‘left this house of pain’. Sound like a chant or jingle. Cool.
Repetition is a very risky technique to use in poetry. If not done properly you can actually ruin the whole poem.
I have also used it in my poem ‘Ouch!’ i.e. ‘Two rocks lay side by side’, just to see how it works.
Really refreshing.