Ahh... Fantasy Story.. gimme your opinions..
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Arcum Leonard: The Circle of Magic
The Ivory Tower was a beautiful building. The constitution of the building consisted of stone slabs made of carved and polished marbles of white and silver stacked neatly together. Around the tower was a fortification fence made from the toughest bricks. The entrance, was guarded by two towers. Around the bricked wall was a moat and the only way to cross it was to enter through the drawbridge.
"The Ivory Tower of the Academy of Spellcasting! Behold, the beautiful dream and magnificent libraries of knowledge. Here is the home of the druids, the shelter of the wizards, the oasis for all who thirst for transcending to a more knowledgable being! The Castle of Academy of Spellcasting, the Fortress of Gillania, the place where all who seeks power of unimaginable heights. This is Dep-Isharma, the legendary Ivory Tower whom all spellcasters yearned for!" the slender old guide proudly proclaimed.
"If the people who lived here are powerful, they won't need the fortifications, " laughed one young lady. Her hair was copper red, swaying beautiful with the breeze. She was robed in grey and black and her fair complexion reflected the beam of the sun. Her eyes were black, but under the beautiful gaze of the light, it shone red and seemed to burn excessively. She was slender, her chin proudly tilted up such that the rest of the world seemed to fall below her feet. An aura of strength and confidence emitted strongly around her and her elegance was followed by every forceful stride.
"Stand aside Telfis before you're swept by the flames of Master of Wizard's Pawns, Lady Viltarsis Incineray! Milady, your strong feelings may be a little undermining of the strength of those who reside there. For there may not be any in there who could best you in the game of Wizard's Pawns, but there may be many who might be able to stand against your might," said a druid, with greying beard and white hair.
The druid with the greying beard was a man in his early seventies, his eyebrows were also grey and the man stood calm beyond the fixed gaze of the rest. His eyes were gentle, and dressed in the white robes, he would had been considered a priest if it was not for his rings and white oak staff. He moved so slowly forward that it seemed it would have took forever, yet he did it so as if nothing could push him back.
"It's nice to see you again, pretty Viltarsis. Ah, Master Permissen Tidalfield, you are here too," said a young man. The young man's hair was slightly longer than Viltarsis's and his smile was striking. Although, Viltarsis's features were sharp, his chiselled features were more remarkable. He wore a blue vest over his green robe and had an shiny, reddish brown gauntlet which awfully stood him out. He cut through the crowd as if he was invisible and moved in exceedingly fast pace.
"Stop shoving people around, punk! Your manners were somewhat lacking, Itaida Galeforce. My servants are human, mind you, human, even if they were my slaves! They are not dogs, not animals, and even animals don't deserved to be ill-treated under your hand! I'll chain you to my carriage if you bump into my men again," shouted the stout man.
The stout man was a stocky figure. Slightly tanned complexion, the stout man looked as if he wore lard around his bones but in truth tucked beneath the thin fats were chunks of muscles. His black cape and leather shirt further protrude sideways. His eyes were small and his gaze was continuous and the pupils were always staring. Beautiful sharp fangs of monsters hung around his neck and he moved purposefully and each step were rooted strongly into the ground.
"Simmer down, Demon Hunter Balist Powerstone. You could use plenty of your rage on more demon trophies," Permissen Tidalfield said, "Telfis, it's about time to show us to your master,"
"Will do," Telfis answered.
"The first time for Viltarsis and Balist here, ain't I right?" Permissen asked.
"A most unfortunate situation," Balist answered, "I would had built another academy like this instead of the mess back at Yilde."
"Don't listen to Balist, Vil, Yilde is an even more impressive stronghold. Maybe, it's just that too many collection of daemon skulls instead of books. By the way, Vil, this the first you're meeting with Balist? Life is filled with so many first times," Itaida rattered. Viltarsis only smiled at the last sentence without acknowledging. -
Behind the first wall into Dep-Isharma was a marketplace. Taverns, inns, literally packed the place. Exquisite dishes, unknown food, unique fruits and rare wine were all available there. When they finally reached the second junction, weapons, accessories, potions, books, animals and many curios were on sale in the different stores. It had almost every variety of wares, but foodstalls seemed to be on a shortage there.
The third junction was the most fascinating, shipwrights, blacksmiths, painters, sculptors, mercenaries, architects, bounty hunters were all available for hire in the different guildhouse. Every possible guild where men mastered their skills had a guildhouse there. The most amazing fact was that each guildhouse housed a master of every single race on the face of Eor including the dragons in human form.
Each road and junction had roadsigns with extensive indexing of all the available functions along the road. The buildings were all built on strong bricks, painted green and red, neatly lined against the road, numbered and had nice flashy signboards. The ground was covered with solid marble of black and blue.
"Impressive, isn't it?" Telfis said grinning.
"Aye, a massive collection of talents within a small compound and impressive groundworks possibly detailing every single source and figure," Balist said.
"When one could do all they could," Viltarsis commented coldly.
"Ah, that's not pleasant for the ears of the host," Permissen warned.
"I came only because I answered your call. This session I believed pales in comparison to the importance of what I had in mind," Viltarsis said, "And I don't see any task requiring a force such as we."
"Indeed, I'm falling also short of this wisdom you see in gathering the four strongest spellcasters on Axila. Anyone amongst us could split a country asunder easily and Balist already owned his own country," Itaida said.
"Nay, it's a barn," Balist laughed.
"I'm afraid I'm just as badly informed by the host too. You see, Lord Ventus was an old accomplice of mine and all he stated in the paper was for to request assistance from the strongest forces I could muster. Why not wait for the host to answer all your enquiries? I think he'll be able to answer most of your questions." -
Master Ventus Elifro, Count of Dep-Isharma, Master Mage of Gillania, Archbishop of the Church of Arisbane, was an simple old man. The thin robe he wore was almost mistakened as rags under the dim light in the room. Dust thickened the air, and many columns of books were lined in the bookshelves found against the wall. The chair was comfortable and the rectangular table was occupying a large third of the room. Telfis and Ventus exchanged words in whispers. Then Telfis bowed to the guests before leaving the room.
"Sit my friends," Ventus said and chairs moved behind the guests as they rested their bodies on it, "A little impatient aren't we all? Lady Viltarsis Incineray, my steward had told me your concerns and I'm utterly sorry to ask of you to leave your premises and duties behind in such haste. My sincere apologies also to the rest who deliberately left behind their stations and callings, to listen to a wailing oil man."
"As you all know, the castle, or tower as some insisted, Dep-Isharma, was also the property of his Grace and majesty, King Etimus the XXVII. Under his offering that we built a legacy of the great god who governs Wizardry, Druidism, Magic, Enchantment, Spellcasting, Necromancy or any other names you might fancy. We worship the strength of Magic and thus, honour the Greater God Arisbane."
"Yes, we've heard," Viltarsis added dryly, "too often to forget."
"Ah, patience young lady," Ventus said slowly, "there is a lot of ground to cover. My father and his father and many more before him, were sitting on this chair comfortably guarding this shabby little city of peaceful worshippers. My failure, unlike them, to ensure a man of suitable stature to govern this place of worship further clouded a coming demise."
"Demise?" Balist asked.
"As you might have heard, there was a child who defy the existence of god. A child rumoured to stand between the gods and their faithful worshippers. The child who single-handedly brought down the Prince of Darkness, the Monarch of Daemons. Ah, the child named Arcum Leonard, he came during the first King Etimus and told him in many years to come, the kingdom that was will be gone after three nines of kings," Ventus said.
"The words he spoke were written by the court scribe of that year. The contents as follows, 'Here I stand before you to promise that before the twenty eighth king could succeed the throne, my hand will reach your throne and it'll be razed to ashes.' The king then decided to prevent another mighty spellcaster from fooling the crown like a toy. His majesty built the academy on the land Dep-Isharma. And it was soon forgotten by the King and his many descendants and no others including my ancestor knew about it."
"Then how did you all remember and know?" Permissen enquired.
"A letter was found on the table of His Majesty's bedroom two months ago. The words were clear and simple, 'The throne will be gone before the twenty eighth baby was borned. I will return to fulfill the prophecy I made to the first King of Gillania. Signed, Arcum Leonard, Poet and Historian," Ventus said, "And at first, the King thought it was a sick joke and reprimanded us. We did a thorough check within the Academy and the Castle and found nothing."
"Two weeks ago, the current court scribe managed to find the records and details that a such event did occur before. That was when we thought to be of grave concern, since hardly no one ever lived beyond two centuries for a human, moreover a shadow of five centuries ago."
"Arcum Leonard is a legend to scare kids, he couldn't even walk a single inch if he was three hundred and fifty my senior. I'm already hundred and seventy nine," Permissen claimed. -
hehehe could have split up the character intro more.... too many characters introduced in the first chapter and all were indirectly intro by other characters... confusing sia...... and not sure who's your protaganist...
otherwise, a good one so far... looking forward to what's coming up next.... -
The main protaganist: Arcum Leonard (Hahahaha... however this chapter feature hardly feature him.....)Originally posted by KittynMeow:hehehe could have split up the character intro more.... too many characters introduced in the first chapter and all were indirectly intro by other characters... confusing sia...... and not sure who's your protaganist...
otherwise, a good one so far... looking forward to what's coming up next....
Three characters were actually introduced earlier in the story.... Viltarsis Incineray, Itaida Galeforce and Balist Powerstone....
Actually this part derived from nearly the end liao..
just a basic brief introduction of the characters:
Viltarsis Incineray
A sorceress
Most notable achievement: Record of defeating sixteen magicians simultaneously at the Wizard's Pawn Tournament - The Anarchy.
(The Wizard's Pawn is a magical chess game played by Magicians)
Permissen Tidalfield
An old druid known for wide knowledge and vast experience.
Itaida Galeforce
A enchanter
Most notable achievement: Propelling an entire kingdom into the air to prevent a volcano from consuming the country.
Balist Powerstone
A warlock and daemon hunter
Most notable achievement: Halted an invasion lead by daemon into the human territory of Pelicant -
hehehe... as you can see, all the character attributes here were not familiar nor clear when you introduced them.... the idea to start in the middle where all the characters know one another is good... but the reader is confused and hence the story loses its purpose - to draw the audience in and entertain.Originally posted by Nelstar:The main protaganist: Arcum Leonard (Hahahaha... however this chapter feature hardly feature him.....)
Three characters were actually introduced earlier in the story.... Viltarsis Incineray, Itaida Galeforce and Balist Powerstone....
Actually this part derived from nearly the end liao..
just a basic brief introduction of the characters:
Viltarsis Incineray
A sorceress
Most notable achievement: Record of defeating sixteen magicians simultaneously at the Wizard's Pawn Tournament - The Anarchy.
(The Wizard's Pawn is a magical chess game played by Magicians)
Permissen Tidalfield
An old druid known for wide knowledge and vast experience.
Itaida Galeforce
A enchanter
Most notable achievement: Propelling an entire kingdom into the air to prevent a volcano from consuming the country.
Balist Powerstone
A warlock and daemon hunter
Most notable achievement: Halted an invasion lead by daemon into the human territory of Pelicant
mebbe can tailor your writing such that you treat the reader as really dunno anything abt any one of the characters?? Find some way to introduce their attributes or intro the characters without confusing the reader...
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i lazy to go back to start...Originally posted by KittynMeow:hehehe... as you can see, all the character attributes here were not familiar nor clear when you introduced them.... the idea to start in the middle where all the characters know one another is good... but the reader is confused and hence the story loses its purpose - to draw the audience in and entertain.
mebbe can tailor your writing such that you treat the reader as really dunno anything abt any one of the characters?? Find some way to introduce their attributes or intro the characters without confusing the reader... -
continuing the story... (entire story from start u all can read until vomit blood)
"You're wrong," a young man walked out of the shadows and joined the conversation, "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Melwin Gravis, student of Rillow Elifro, who was the great-great-grandfather of our host here."
The young man called Melwin Gravis cleared his throat and continued, "I was under Master Rillow's tutorage in Eor and I only returned on Axila recently. I am already two hundred and sixty four summers old."
"My father studied under Master Gravis before he imparted me what he learnt from Master Gravis. I had seen him when I was younger and he had never aged during all these years of memory," Ventus said.
"Impressive, then why are we here? If he's your father's tutor, that settles it, he should be able to deal with Arcum Leonard," Itaida said and stood up, clearly outraged by the Viltarsis's full attention on Melwin Gravis.
"Sit, we have a lot to discuss," Melwin said in a pleasant voice but with a commanding gesture as he stretched his hand towards Itaida. Instantly, Itaida was being forced down on the chair. The motion shocked everyone except Viltarsis. She smiled while Itaida was humbled before this alien in their world.
"Arcum Leonard is not one opponent I believe I can handle alone," Melwin exercised a strong commanding voice over the sitting audience, "And definitely not one opponent anyone in these tables can handle alone either."
"I would have done the same to that whelp if he dared to stand to leave before I agree to it, but it really infuriates me when you claimed all these by yourselves," Balist said and a cold blade was ran underneath his chin.
"Let me introduce my friend over there," Melwin Gravis smiled, "that daemon is Raidrider Arcflame, Slayer of Gods and Starstrider, the Baac who served the Prince of Darkness."
"Apologies, Balist," Raidrider Arcflame sniggered, "I've heard you took a lot of my kindred with your magic and might. Apparently, they weren't good enough to touch your neck." Saying that, Raidrider moved besides Melwin Gravis.
"You had some explanations about your dealing with daemons!" Permissen shouted and blasted a magical wave towards Melwin. The wave lands on Melwin's body like water on a wall of brick. Melwin turned and faced Permissen, binding him to the chair like Itaida. A ball of flame appeared in Viltarsis's palm and flew towards Melwin. The fire as if ran of oxygen, extinguished by itself in midair. Similarly, Viltarsis was forced to sit like the rest. Balist and Ventus were the only ones sitting comfortably.
"Arcum Leonard had a long feud with the Baacs and the Prince of Darkness. I guessed you had heard the rumours, the legends, the myths, and had a rough glimpse of that fact. That I will not elaborate to details since the truth is nearby all the lies. Anyway, we had a common objective, and that's why he was required to assist our operation."
"What operation are we working on?" Permissen asked.
"Arcum Leonard is always on time to destroy, create or do anything. All we need to do, is to either make it occur faster, or as in this case, later. In order to achieve that, we'll attack him so that he'll lose focus. And my friend here understands our adversary so well that he even had in mind how the procedure is going to be. I'll let him explain from here." -
Arcum Leonard sound like a very powerful person. This is going to be interesting ....
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I am once but twice,
The gods have seen me otherwise.
Soon from where it will begin, it will end.
At that time I am your enemy and your friend.
The shadow lies behind the light,
The darkness shall bring the plight,
Doom shall befall on all,
Doom shall come to Eor.
I am the shadows and the rays,
Before the gods have seen better days.
Soon when it will start to light up, it will cease.
I shall do whatever I please.
The light shines brightly at the shadow,
The darkness will eventually follow,
Doom will be gone,
Where doom is born.
I am all of everything but also none,
What the gods have never done.
Soon it will disappear and be gone forever.
I shall rule with my powers over those who never.
The light and the shadow shall stay together side by side,
While the darkness shall stop the tide,
Doom will continue again,
From where it all begin.
Senseless with the feelings in my soul,
I am the healer and the ghoul.
The Weaver of time and space,
Who has given all grace.
Out of the void was mere black ocean,
Out of the day was there some motion.
The star that represented this is First,
The one that will remain as the history's curse.
Bringer of the future and the past,
I am the first and the last.
The Painter of light and fire,
When all bleem and burn with desire.
Out of the flame was mere ashes,
Out of the brightness was there flashes.
The star that symbolized this is Second,
The one that will remain as the history began.
Judge of the future and the present,
I am a peasant while being the regent.
The Drafter of volume and air,
Which gives all a different flair.
Out of the atmosphere was mere breeze,
Out of the emptiness was there increase.
The star that depicted this is Red,
The one that will remain even if history can wade.
This is what that had been before and after,
For I am the creator and the destroyer.
The Sculptor of life and earth,
Where all will live and serve.
Out of the soil was mere ore,
Out of the living will they bore.
The star that portrayed this is Green,
The one that will remain on the history screen.
Passing it all through the fullest and the least,
I am the beauty and the beast.
The Sketcher of wave and water,
How all hear and descended from the father.
Out of the rain was mere fluid pouring,
Out of the ripple was there liquid shaking.
The star that illustrated this is Blue,
The one that will remain as history's clue.
The visions can be found on the star Sage,
While Last shows the great history till the last page.
The doors to and fro the greatest times found here,
The messages can be seen written there as the wordings are big and clear.
From the First to the Last, the seven stars,
Where the history is written on etched scars.
In the skies of heaven, the five universes,
From which I derive my verses.
My name is not forgiven,
Nor that of the forgotten.
My name is found written on the beds of the seas,
Where the dead are found crying with their pleas.
My soul is stretching to reach its destination,
To where there is no absolution.
To where perfect is never perfect, no longer perfect,
To where the wrong has not even a single defect.
Besiege those who did fail,
Begone those who did wail.
For I never allowed them to stand anymore,
As they resembled nothing I bore.
Bewildered those who had the clues,
Belittled those who were the fools.
For I never want them again,
As they should no longer remain.
Good can be evil, while bad is not always the devil.
Once more, twice before.
Birth brings death, the only they have.
The future is too few while the past is too new.
What has begun in the future, is a continuation of nature.
Where it all be, no longer it is free.
Trap within the circle, dead or alive,
Trap within the universe and you will not strive.
Hear, see and feel the wonders in the world,
Listen, watch and touch the miracles of the stir.
Universe and heaven will no longer be around,
As they will no longer be found.
When that time shall tick on the clock,
When the era has finally arrived on the last block.
The doors to deformation shall open,
The reformation shall have its turn.
The elements of death and birth,
A world of hate and love.
A time to link everyone's heart,
A time for all to depart.
The hourglass keeps running lowly,
The clock ticking away slowly.
Everything will start from the beginning,
Where there is no ending.
This is the story of the world where it happens before aeon,
And this story will continue on and on.
The returning of the cycle,
The imperfect circle.
The gods fear my presence,
For they will lose their essence.
May it be that all will die,
May it be that none will ask why.
By Arcum Leonard,
The Beginning, The End
There... one big scary poem... -
continuing the story again
The debate was long. Hours had passed since the mages were discussing their plans. Four tutors, four guests, one alien human, one daemon and the principal of the academy were engaging in a lengthy, serious talk. Each time a suggestion was put up, it was immediately put down by another man in the discussion. The only person who did not suggest anything during the entire conversation was Viltarsis and the only person who did not argue against any suggestion was Ventus.
"We're at a crossroad, humans. Each mind thinks differently and it's difficult to operate as a force. Why don't we vote and see how many will agree to each proposal? If we had enough support for one proposal, we'll proceed as planned. Viltarsis, please propose your idea." Raidrider Arcflame suggested.
"Raidrider Arcflame had identified the possible locations to find Arcum Leonard. Instead of waiting for him to come and we stop him, we'll take him immediately down on the spot. The group will split into two, one group to hunt, and the other to defend the academy. The grouping will be easy, the guests will find defending this rubble much more difficult than those who already knew it well," Viltarsis said.
"If Arcum Leonard had traps and defences waiting for us, aren't we too hasty?" Lazire, a senior tutor of the academy said.
"As far as I know, human," Raidrider interrupted, "Arcum Leonard has no preference for traps and has always been working alone."
"I like to attack than wait, I'm in for her suggestion, we might not make it in time to stop Arcum when he decides to do it," Balist said and they voted. Balist, Viltarsis, Itaida, Ventus, Hyadit and Mercen all voted for the suggestion, the rest voted against. Hyadit and Mercen are tutors in the academy.
Raidrider Arcflame suggested, "We'll anticipate Arcum's attack and concentrate all our forces of defeating or delaying. Arcum Leonard is not a person who will persist in something if he failed. His Lordship, the Prince of Darkness, will personnally come and see to the failure of Arcum Leonard."
"Ah, I'll pass on that," Balist said and they voted. Ventus, Melwin, Lazire, and Hyadit voted for the suggestion, the rest opposed it.
"Any more suggestions?" Raidrider asked, and silence greeted him, "Then we'll proceed with Viltarsis's suggestion." -
It was a bad idea, Melwin thought. Although the four mages travelling with him were masters of the art, each other man was not able to defeat Melwin nor Raidrider Arcflame singlehandedly. He wanted to express his doubt of their strength added together. After much discussion with Raidrider, he knew they probably could not handle Arcum Leonard.
The road was meandering around hills, and the uneven grounds made travelling a hassle. Balist could not understand why they were walking instead of having rides. The road was horrible to begin with and the instructions seemed to require them to walk into some tunnel which probably goes deep inside the mountains and to Balist, to the pits of hell so that the daemon could rob them.
"Horses could not travel this way," Viltarsis told Balist, as if reading his mind through his frustrated face, "the road is mysteriously hidden from normal human when not travelling on foot. Moreover, it takes an experienced person to follow this path. It runs into veins of Filar-Horpes."
"What?" Itaida asked.
"Spirit trees," Permissen answered for Viltarsis, "Filar-Horpes is the ancient tongue for it. These trees apparently don't exist in our dimensions."
"What?" this time, the question was made by Balist.
"The five basic elements existed physically in our dimensions, Fire, Water, Air, Earth and Space. Other elements, Empathy, Mana, Spirit, Soul, Virtue, Alter, and Astic do not appear in our dimensions, though we may sometime tap into them," Melwin said.
"Astic?" Viltarsis looked at Melwin.
"Wisdom," Permissen answered, "The Greater God who governs it is Elsawend."
"So I can conclude Arisbane is Mana, Quarantine is Spirit, Inalesa is Empathy, Mystic is Alter, Verlwind is Virtue and Gabl is Soul. So Filar meant Spirit?" Itaida said.
"Yes, He, who was destroyed, shall return in Filar," Melwin said.
"He, who was learnt, shall redeem in Astic. He, who was changed, shall born in Terne, He, who was strong, shall deliver in Caste. He, who was right, shall persist in Dorba. She, who was felt, shall charm in Yanil. He, who was special, shall manifest in Hardi," someone continued in front of them.
"Who are you? Appear now or begone!" Melwin challenged.
"I am the enemy. I had many names but few remembered them well and I don't remember any at all."
"Beware," Raidrider warned them, "he isn't a being!"
"I don't have any forms like you do, Baac. A form is a skeleton, a body is a shell. Who dwells within it, lives within Time. I am beyond that, I am the True Master and I may have the answers you need."
"Are you Arcum Leonard?" Permissen asked.
"I am not who he is. My life is but only a glimpse of your shadows."
"Be careful! He's the Shadow Master, Premarnthy Greay! Rumoured to be as powerful as Arcum Leonard himself!" Raidrider shouted a warning. -
