Poem for Girls named...
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Just want to post a poem by yours truly. Can give some comments? Thanks all. Hope you enjoy it.
Love Actually is all around
Even a boy whose feelings wound
So tightly that he can¡¯t express
His sincere love and all the zest
Yearn to become less stone was he
Happened when you¡¯re the one he see
Fell in like then in love with you
With love as pure as morning dew
Now that he rid his fears away
Here is what he wanted to say
Never a night you left his mind
Hope you will think this gift is fine
Not is he expecting a relationship at this point in time
Only wanting you to feel at ease, with all these presents and rhymes
Truly wants to say, I love you and how much he want to be close
To the lady whose name is spelled by the first letters of each prose
Don't know what title to give.
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Lyn???
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LynnOriginally posted by DeadPoet:Lyn??? -
Okay, to be honest. Not bad really but see if you can replace some of the words like for example, less_stone, etc. And also what is ‘Fell in like then in love with you’?
Out of the three proses, I really like the third one.
‘Now that he rid his fears away
Here is what he wanted to say
Never a night you left his mind
Hope you will think this gift is fine.Â’
Beautifully written. By the way what is ‘this gift’ referring to? Is it your love? Or is it this poem?
Title can be ‘From my Heart’, ‘To a Girl I Love’, ‘Love Confession’, etc, up to you. Just a suggestion.
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Firstly, thanks for the comments.Originally posted by DeadPoet:Okay, to be honest. Not bad really but see if you can replace some of the words like for example, less_stone, etc. And also what is ?ell in like then in love with you?
Out of the three proses, I really like the third one.
?ow that he rid his fears away
Here is what he wanted to say
Never a night you left his mind
Hope you will think this gift is fine.?
Beautifully written. By the way what is ?his gift?referring to? Is it your love? Or is it this poem?
Title can be ?rom my Heart? ?o a Girl I Love? ?ove Confession? etc, up to you. Just a suggestion. See if i can improve it.
Secondly, "fell in like then in love" is actually my own small little concept. Basically, i give "like" and "love" a difference instead of it being relatively same meaning. Don't know how to explain but something along the line of maturity.
Erm... the gift is actually the "Love Actually OST" that i gave along with the poem. Which will explain the first line.
Haha. I think i'll leave it blank for now. *Waiting for a bright spark*
Thanks a lot for the comments. Will take note and do better next time, if there's a next time. -
keep writing man! Nice to see pieces like this, heartfelt & without pretense! Dun worry to much about rhyme & metre etc etc lah. got 'sim' can leow!
TX -
Originally posted by True_Xerion:keep writing man! Nice to see pieces like this, heartfelt & without pretense! Dun worry to much about rhyme & metre etc etc lah. got 'sim' can leow!
TX
Xie xie. Thanks.
Try me best to rhyme ma.
Got few more this kinda style one but not as good. -
I'm sure DP would be more than happy to have u submit more piecesOriginally posted by AdAptAliS: Xie xie. Thanks.
Try me best to rhyme ma.
Got few more this kinda style one but not as good. -
Haha. Maybe next time if i do try for more. The rest, think don't want to malu myself. LolOriginally posted by True_Xerion:I'm sure DP would be more than happy to have u submit more pieces -
A poem doesn't always have to rhyme... It just have to speak true to the heart... Practice makes perfect, so don't stop writing!!! Your gal is one lucky ladyOriginally posted by AdAptAliS:Haha. Maybe next time if i do try for more. The rest, think don't want to malu myself. Lol -
Originally posted by En':A poem doesn't always have to rhyme... It just have to speak true to the heart... Practice makes perfect, so don't stop writing!!! Your gal is one lucky lady Advice noted. But no inspirations yet so nothing to pen down.
Bah... End up the girl picked another guy... Never mind lo. What's meant to be, will be. So i moved on lo. Now just maintain friendship lo, better than nothing. 
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one day maybe she'll realise she made the wrong choiceOriginally posted by AdAptAliS: Advice noted. But no inspirations yet so nothing to pen down.
Bah... End up the girl picked another guy... Never mind lo. What's meant to be, will be. So i moved on lo. Now just maintain friendship lo, better than nothing. or maybe your right one is yet to come! dun give up!! -
Originally posted by True_Xerion:one day maybe she'll realise she made the wrong choice or maybe your right one is yet to come! dun give up!!
The latter sounds more appealing.
Yup. I won't. I still young, plenty of girls to encounter in my life. No need so kan chiong. -
Originally posted by AdAptAliS: The latter sounds more appealing.
Yup. I won't. I still young, plenty of girls to encounter in my life. No need so kan chiong.
That's a great attitude to adopt
Someday, somewhere and somehow you will find the gal of your dreams... Until then all you can do is to stay true to yourself...
Remember to slowly pick and choose the gal that can appreciate you for who you really are Jia you worr~ -
Haha. I read too much AA liao. Secretly learn from there.Originally posted by En':
That's a great attitude to adopt
Someday, somewhere and somehow you will find the gal of your dreams... Until then all you can do is to stay true to yourself...
Remember to slowly pick and choose the gal that can appreciate you for who you really are Jia you worr~
Thanks for the advices. Will remember. -
There is always a next time my friend.
I stop writing for 12 years before I pick up my pen again.
Practice and practice until you have your own style. Look at the poems by Kitty, MetalGear, ratinacage, etc. All of them have their own unique character, you can find yours too, keep it up!
You are most welcome to post here. -
What about you leh, Hunter of the Night? When do I have the honour to read your poem leh?Originally posted by True_Xerion:I'm sure DP would be more than happy to have u submit more pieces -
Wow! Cool.Originally posted by DeadPoet:There is always a next time my friend.
I stop writing for 12 years before I pick up my pen again.
Practice and practice until you have your own style. Look at the poems by Kitty, MetalGear, ratinacage, etc. All of them have their own unique character, you can find yours too, keep it up!
You are most welcome to post here.
/me waits for bright spark to start.
Ok. Thanks. -
all my old stuff is in a box at my old place, will pick em up one day hee hee ...Originally posted by DeadPoet:What about you leh, Hunter of the Night? When do I have the honour to read your poem leh?
new stuff? umm no inspiration these days but we'll see k?
TX -
i can never write poems for nuts... can't seem to find the right words...
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hmm not bad got some kindda hard to say words though similar to wat deadpoets say keke...
title ll come naturally one loh like me i take long long to see see what i wrote den suddenly popped up one -
Slowly lo... Give it a try and you'll be amazed by yourself. Used to be a complete failure in language also.Originally posted by s|nNeD:i can never write poems for nuts... can't seem to find the right words... All da best! Hope to see more poems around. -
Thanks for the comments.Originally posted by MoonIce:hmm not bad got some kindda hard to say words though similar to wat deadpoets say keke...
title ll come naturally one loh like me i take long long to see see what i wrote den suddenly popped up one
So far still not here yet. So its "titleless" for now.