"Since you've put it YOUR WAY, I'll let you IN MINE. I had ALWAYS wanted to leave you because you HAVE NOTHING to offer to me to learn, A HECK of AN ATTITUDE (trust me the last thing I can stand is someone with a F**KING ATTITUDE. Now BELIEVE how much I HAD LOVED YOU to STAY.). And TOO SELFISH for MOST of the TIME.
And STOP finding EXCUSES for yourself with your GOD. You and your DISTORTED truths are too horrible to fill in, and you're A DISGRACE to YOUR GOD. I didn't wanted to say or mention much of anything because I've ALWAYS HOPE you can CHANGE and I KNOW you've GONE THROUGH ALOT YOURSELF. I'd WANTED to HELP, but HONESTLY, NOT ANYMORE.
You can USE your 3 years old kid mentality to write things of ANGER, but it won't matters to me nonetheless. I HAVE to ADMIT that I'm partially AT FAULT, always forgetting that you're still very YOUNG at your mentality BUT you are JUST TOO ARROGANT (another thing I simply can't stand. Yes, I WAS STUPID to have LOVED you TO THAT EXTENT) though you do have your capabilities in certain ways.
You DIDN'T leave me. I LEFT you. You were trying to KEEP ME UNDERWRAP but it DIDN'T WORK. REMEMBER?? NICE. Now that I've FOUND OUT and it HAD HAPPENED, KEEP PUSHING ALL THE BLAMES to ME WOULD YA....?? PLS... Just to KEEP YOUR PATHETIC GUILT IN CHECK (if you even have one).
I 'PESTERED' you BECAUSE you said you were HOPING that we could be A FRIEND after the BREAK UP. As much as I DOUBT IT (read all above, there's really NOTHING I LIKE about you), I was WILLING to GIVE YOU CHANCE and AGAIN to TELL ME THE TRUTH! WHAT YOU DID....?? LIED OVER AND OVER AGAIN!! You're SUCH A PRETENDOUS (another type of people I REALLY HATE. Pretendous and hypocrites!! BINGO!!) LIAR!! AT LEAST SHOW SOME SINCERITY.... I'd always WONDERED HOW CAN A PERSON BE SO F**KED UP AND I STILL LOVE HER...?? YES... I ADMIT I'M A F**KING STUPID IDIOT.. ALTHOUGH I KNEW YOU WOULD INSIST ON LYING BUT I GAVE YOU CHANCES AND AGAIN... WHAT YOU DID....?? BE FRIENDS? Don't insult me pls......
The reason why I didn't really know you was because of 3 SIMPLE FACTS.
1. You were still in a MESS with your EX and I was giving you benefit of doubts. I was giving you ALOT of OWN TIME to CLEAR YOUR THOUGHTS! REMEMBER THAT!
2. You let a 4th party STEP IN when I was TRYING to UNDERSTAND the PROBLEMS and TORMENTS you were going through with your EX. So you CAN CONVENIENTLY SPENT TIME WITH HIM. LYING TO ME ABOUT THINGS. I WASN'T AN IDIOT. I WAS JUST LOVING YOU. HOPING YOU CAN CHANGE and TRYING to UNDERSTAND THAT you had SUFFERED ALOT because of YOUR EX! And you're LOOKING for MORE!! 5th? 6th party...??! YES... BLAME ME PLEASE...
3. I DIDN'T WANT to know you because you're REALLY UGLY INSIDE!!! There was NO WAY I COULD HAVE LOVED YOU IF I KNEW MORE!!!
NO. SORRY. YOU WERE JUST TRYING TO HAVE THE BEST OF ALL WORLDS REMEMEBER....?? AT LEAST BE HONEST AND LET ME MAKE MY FAIR SHARE OF THE DECISION, NO YOU DIDN'T. YOU HAD TO LIE TO HAVE IT YOUR WAY. YOUR SELFISHNESS and UNFAIRNESS to ME were what you're CAPABLE of GIVING ME after ALL THE LOVE I GAVE YOU??
I LEFT you WHILE you were still TRYING to KEEP your 'BEST OF WORLD' IN PLACE for as long as you CAN. SORRY. TO HAVE BROKEN YOUR SELFISH DREAMS.
Like I've told you and you were RIGHT. I WAS VERY UNHAPPY BEING WITH YOU.
YES. I KNEW YOUR OTHER BFS CAN FIT YOUR SCHEDULE. I DIDN'T WANTED YOU. 1st, YOU WERE LYING TO ME. 2nd, IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU and YOUR SCHEDULE NOW, ISN'T IT...?? I CANNOT TOLERATE to LET YOU HAVE YOUR WAYS and YOUR SELFNESS IN LOVE TO GROW. (Also, why the reason I LEFT you.)
YES. I WAS TOO FREE AND STUPID TO BE THINKING OF YOU. THE LIES YOU HAD BEEN TELLING ME, AND HOPING THAT YOU COULD CHANGE.
DESPITE ALL THAT. HAVE YOU THOUGHT OF HOW MUCH MORE I'LL HAVE TO HANDLE AMONG MY BUSY WORK JUST TO SORT OUT ALL THESE THOUGHTS...?? HAVE YOU NOT THOUGHT I WISH I COULDN'T CARE LESS FOR YOU TOO...?? That IF ALL I WANTED IS FOR YOU TO BE AROUND WHEN AND WHERE, AND ALL THAT WON'T BOTHER ME AT ALL. I WISH I COULD SERIOUSLY. BUT TOO BAD. I WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU. IT DOESN'T MATTER TO ME HOW YOUR OTHERS BFS WANNA TREAT YOU, I CAN ONLY SAY I TREATED YOU WITH ALL MY SINCERITY. IF IT DOESN'T WORK OUT, THERE'S NOTHING MORE I COULD HAVE OFFERED.
YES, I KNEW IT WAS ALL ABOUT YOU. YOUR PEAK, YOUR LIFE, WHAT YOU WANT. I WAS A FOOL. I ADMIT DEFEAT.
YES. What can we talk about? Nothing. Unlike what your other bfs can teach you and talk to you about, I've got NOTHING to offer you. You know why? It's not about bf or not. It's YOUR ARROGANCE. SELFISHNESS. I CANNOT IMAGINE MYSELF TEACHING someone like you. Someone who ABUSES ALMOST ALL AROUND HER. And YES, I ADMIT that our MENTALITY is DIFFERENT. And I'm GLAD for THAT.
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January 24, 2009
When you assume you know everything, you learn nothing.
I think I know a lot but I’m still trying to learn every single day because God knows I have so much more to learn.
Some people are really hopeless, they just think they know a lot and they are stagnant for the rest of their life. That’s why they learn nothing and people move on without them…
I broke up with one of them in case anyone still doesn’t know.
And any good feelings I have for him have been eradicated because he has been acting like a sore loser the whole time. Relationships come and go and everybody has their fair share of blame. I explained to him why I had to leave him but he only believed his own version of truth.
Kept saying that I’m making excuses for myself.
You don’t know me very well do you?
We’ve been together since.. april 2008? and yet you hardly know me…
that’s partly why I had to leave but not the main reason…
Yes I like other guys… So? That isn’t the main reason either…
I’ve never once said what I did was right. In fact, I’ve admitted a few times that all these was my fault. Because I chose to let go, because I let it happen. I’ve apologised and accepted the blame but yet it wasn’t enough for you.
I left you not because of some other guy. If that’s the case I would have left a long time ago. I left because I am so busy with my life
gym 3 times a week
tuition
studying for cfa
my normal day to day work plus OT
learning photography
etc etc etc…
Other boyfriends are willing to overlook these. They are happy or rather contented in meeting me once a week or less. They don’t demand of my time and hence they could fit into my schedule nicely.
And the plus pt is they are all as busy as I am and hence I fit into their schedule nicely.
You are too free, perhaps. That’s why you have the time to think of all these emotional stuffs which frankly I don’t want to dwell in right now…
I’m at a point in my life where I want to achieve the maximum I can for myself because as I told zh, guys can leave anytime but my achievements stay with me…
If you can’t accept my priorities in my life right now, then it’s time to say goodbye don’t you think?
What’s the point of dragging on when we are at different emotional levels of my life? What’s the point when we cannot communicate on the same level…
One can talk to me about astrophysics. Others can talk to me about running a business.
What do you and I talk about? Nothing…
Maybe it’s for the lack of trying. Or maybe it’s simply the difference in background…
We both knew from the start that we were together for convenience, at least that was my impression…
Now that I am so busy with my life, the importance of your companionship has decreased. I’m not trying to be cruel. I’m just trying to be rational and practical. Facts breathe life to emotions.
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To tell you the truth, for long I've been trying and hoping to bury the TRUTH with me like I had always OFTEN DO. Thinking for OTHERS and TRYING NOT to HURT the ones around me. FINDING EXCUSES for them. EXCUSES which I think ULTIMATELY would ONLY serve to DESTROY THEM.
But TODAY. I CAN NO LONGER DO THAT.
Although I'm GLAD that I'd LEFT YOU. I'm GLAD that I HAVE LOVED YOU TOO. Because I've never really IMAGINE LOVE could be the WILLINGNESS to DO SO MUCH FOR A PERSON. DESPITE HOW MUCH YOU DISLIKE and HATED HER.
I'm THANKFUL for the TIMES you had TRIED to tell me THE TRUTH though you were just beating around it. THANKFUL for the SINCERITY you HAD SHOWN AT TIMES.
THANKFUL for the TIMES you REALLY CARED ABOUT HOW I FEEL. THANKFUL to YOU in BELIEVING in the RELATIONSHIP though we BOTH KNEW it WON'T WORK OUT.
I WASN'T TRYING TO PESTER YOU. I WAS HOPING YOU COULD CHANGE FOR THE BETTER AND GET OUT OF YOUR OWN SHADOWS. I KNEW WE WON'T LAST ANYWAY, but since we're to cross our paths, I HOPE it'll be a CHANCE and LESSON for you to FREE YOURSELF.
I MISS THE THINGS we'd done together. The TALKS and CHATS. The TIMES we SPENT. I REALLY WISH there were MORE. But SORRY, FORGIVE ME that I COULDN'T BRING MYSELF TO FACE YOU AND YOUR LIES. I'd TRIED to MAKE UP A LITTLE before I LEAVE you but you were just TOO BUSY. FORGIVE ME FOR MY UNWILLINGNESS TO SHARE WITH YOU.
I REALLY LOVED YOU ALOT before this. Sorry I can't stay. Given the CHANCE to CHOOSE AGAIN, I would still GLADLY GO THROUGH ALL THESE WITH YOU....
MAY THE BEST BE WITH YOU. WITH LOVES.
