comments?
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and into the depths i sail, with hand over heart.
i plunge deep, pouring forth my agony.
to this day i hurt,
to this day i heal.
to the day i reveal,
the one for real.
i yearn,
i cry,
i bitch,
i die,
i call,
i wish,
i dream,
for a world so perfect
in an imperfect world.
what overcame me?
one can only ask.
to choose the route
that leads to the end.
into the depths i sail.
ah, ahead of me
a neverending quest.
a quest of love,
a quest for hate.
a quest of one,
a quest for one. -
the word is bi tch
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I like the repetitions of “quest” in the last strophe.
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i like the last stanza but the rest... well... sounds very mumbling. perhaps u would consider to organize ur words?
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organise in what way? would u like to elaborate?Originally posted by tare:i like the last stanza but the rest... well... sounds very mumbling. perhaps u would consider to organize ur words? -
erm... poems is like painting a pic... wat kinda message/image u want the reader to see? cos if u read it out loud, it sounds like u're just talking to urself... the flow is abit "messy"...Originally posted by beavan:organise in what way? would u like to elaborate?
okie i sucks at tis.... *scream for help* DP!!!! -
This poem more suitable for poetry slam mah.
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It really depends on what the poet wants the poem to do. For an outlet, this is probably fine. If you want to paint a portrait, then you have to present it differently. If you want to take the reader to where you are, you have to be more descriptive, more specific and less vague.
I have to agree with DP, it might be suitable for poetry slam where the poet performs the poem and the audience can further interpret the poem from the poet's voice and movement.
"A quest of love, a quest for hate" seems rather contradicting. How does one have a quest of love, for hate? Is this how it is read? -
Originally posted by Bluesky_Liz:It really depends on what the poet wants the poem to do. For an outlet, this is probably fine. If you want to paint a portrait, then you have to present it differently. If you want to take the reader to where you are, you have to be more descriptive, more specific and less vague.
I have to agree with DP, it might be suitable for poetry slam where the poet performs the poem and the audience can further interpret the poem from the poet's voice and movement.
"A quest of love, a quest for hate" seems rather contradicting. How does one have a quest of love, for hate? Is this how it is read?
isn't love always mixed with hate? -
A fine line indeed.Originally posted by beavan:
isn't love always mixed with hate?
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I think love easily becomes hate when it is not returned or if it's abused.
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i heard this frm a drama series, yes desperate housewife....
the opposite of love is not hate.
it is indifference.
true and sad.... -
Originally posted by tare:i heard this frm a drama series, yes desperate housewife....
the opposite of love is not hate.
it is indifference.
true and sad....