JudgesÂ’ Choice Category March 07
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Dear Contestants,
In the JudgesÂ’ Choice Category, three members from the judging panel will each select a poem. If more than one judge selected your poem, you will be declared the winner in this category. However if your poem was not selected, it doesnÂ’t mean it is not good enough. The judges have the right to select, in their opinions, the best poem among the submissions.
They are here to help you improve your writing skills. To some contestants, their comments might sound a bit harsh. But do remember it is nothing personal; the judges do not know you personally. They are here to comment on your poems, not you. You can choose to agree or disagree with them.
DonÂ’t be discouraged, and good luck!
Dead Poet
Your friendly Moderator
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The judges for 1st MPC Poetry Writing Contest are –
Gilbert Koh
He is the winner of the National Arts Council's Golden Point Award for Poetry (2005). His poetry has been published in various publications in Singapore and elsewhere, including Atlanta Review, papertiger, Slope, No Other City - The Ethos Anthology of Urban Poetry, Love Gathers All - The Philippines-Singapore Anthology of Love Poetry, From Boys to Men - A Literary Anthology of National Service in Singapore and Poetry Billboard. Cheong Lee San
He has published in Quarterly Literary Review Singapore and The SidewalkÂ’s End. His poem The Comet won the first prize in a poetry-writing contest organized by The Straits Times many years ago. His blog urban poems is featured in Famous Poets and Poems.com. Vance Roberts
He was a English teacher for over 20 years in UK - teaching both Language and Literature to 11 - 18 years olds and adults. His work has been published occasionally in print, e-magazines, and in a couple of anthologies. He now lives on the Isle of Skye, spending his time exploring, writing, taking pictures and playing a variety of wind instruments to the echoes in deserted glens.
The result will be announced latest by 23/3/2007. -
Gilbert Koh's Choice Poem #3, Such A Vulgarian by ellzrae
His comments
I pick Poem #3, Such A Vulgarian.
In my opinion, it's the clear winner among this crop of entries. It's humorous, it has originality and it uses creative images. Apart from all that, it offers some interesting insights into social expectations and behaviour. The protagonist is crude, rude, fat and loud - yet there is a sense of joy, abundance and freedom about her. Ironically, the people around her think that she is a little crazy - it is as if it is a crazy thing to be joyful, abundant and free.
I have something to say about the other entries in general. There seems to be a strong preference for rhyming verse. That feels a little outdated to me, but still okay. The problem is that the rhyming is not skilful. Many of the poems sound forced and artificial, as if the writer is choosing a particular word just so that it rhymes with the last word of the preceding line. Sorry - that's not poetry. "The cat is fat. It chased a rat. Round and round a mat. And that was that." That rhymes too. But that's not a poem. Please give the reader somethinig more. -
Cheong Lee San's Choice Poem #6, For the Love of Pho by expiringpoet
His comments
The rhythm and rhyme of this piece strikes me. I like the way the words roll off the tongue. It starts well and rather forcefully leads us on in the praise of this dish. This piece is flavourful, and I think, cooked just rightÂ….
His second choice & comments Poem # 13, Someday by preya
This is the type of free verse I like, cynical, edgy, yet not entirely without hope. The first strophe is interesting, giving an indication of the slant of the poem. This poem works because of the layers of emotions seething out from the words. ItÂ’s a bit abstract for my liking, but poetry is about how the readers see and interpret the work.
His third choice & comments Poem #3, Such A Vulgarian by ellzrae
At first read, this is not an easy work, one tends to dismiss it as “difficult” or “irreverent”. But somehow, I keep coming back to it, finding new images with each re-read. This is a sweet tale of a person who binges, carefree and happy, and I like the way the emotions are described.
ItÂ’s really a tight race between Poems #3, #6 and #13. But there can be only one winner. This is a good crop we have here. Well done! -
Vance Roberts' Choice Poem #3, Such A Vulgarian by ellzrae
His comments
I felt that it demonstrated a genuine sense of a personal voice and had not constricted itself by an adherence to a specific form. It was both a celebration of self and a gently self-deprecating piece of autobiography - be it real or fictional. It had a pleasing sense of humour throughout and I enjoyed the irony of being "happy as a plankton." Most importantly, I came out of it feeling that the writer had entertained me, shared something of him/herself with me and made me ask questions about human nature in general.
His second choice & comments Poem #11, Piece of Meat by InnoHippo
I enjoyed the fact that it worked on more than one level. The underlying sexual metaphor gave the poem both humour and depth. On a critical note, I found that the new-born child image in the first stanza jarred somewhat and seemed out of keeping with the rest of the poem. However, I do accept that this is a personal view. "Intoxicate me up" also grated with me, but it could well be a vernacular phrase with which I am unfamiliar. Overall, I was left with the feeling that the poet had enjoyed writing it and had done so in a confident and unique way.
His third choice & comments Poem #13, Someday by preya
Once again, it was the sense of a personal voice which drew me to this poem.
I certainly identified with the sense of frustration and helplessness. I loved the image of "the shamed moon" though I must admit that I felt that the Santa Claus imagery in the second stanza was not a good choice and rather undercut what followed. That said, I enjoyed the overall effect, particularly the final line: "Someday, I'm just going to ... " which the reader is left to finish; perhaps pondering on those failed promises and ambitions which we all have.
I would point out that, in my opinion, the chosen three stood out from the rest and I had considerable difficulty in arriving at my final "medal" order. -
Vance Roberts has also kindly commented on the other poems. Poem #1, As I Fall Deeper Into The Mist by QNH1010
I liked the thought behind this one. It was, however, let down by the obtrusive but irregular rhyme. Again, I would have suggested either a much more definite structure, or free verse.
"Them" in line three jarred with me. Does it refer to life, in which case it should be singular, or does it refer to the shadows. I felt that it needed a re-think to clarify the point. The final couplet was a nice idea but, for me, the shorter lines seemed to undercut, or trivialise, the validity of the serious point which was being made. Poem #2, A B C D for Thy Self by MoonIce
I liked the idea of the simple things being sufficient but, yet again, it lacked structure. The constant repetition of "Keeping ... within" was overplayed. Had it just been used in the opening and closing stanzas then I think it would have had more power. Repetition is fine in the right context, such as a villanelle, but here I felt that it weakened the writer's premise. The final line deserved to make more of an impact than it actually did. Combining it with a revamped repetitive method as suggested above could have helped with that.
The misuse of the apostrophe should have been checked and remedied before submission. Poem #4, The Two of Us by Keii
Poor scansion gets in the way here and stops the poem flowing. There is not clear metrical pattern and line length appears almost random. Again, I would suggest that a writer either adopts a clear structure and maintains it, or chooses to let sense and/or layout rule and keeps to a free verse format.
I felt that this poem stated the "facts" of a relationship but gave the reader no emotional touchstones. If I had been allowed to share a secret - flowers, a ring, a meeting-place - then I would have felt an attachment to one or both of the characters. Poem #5, Twisted by Koo Wai Mun
This is another example of a poem that would probably work better if read aloud. Vagaries of scansion are more obvious on the page. I had the feeling that it was written as a challenge, a task, rather than because the writer had something specific to say. The use of only one rhyme became wearing.
What does line two actually mean? The "clay" image in line three was good but line two seemed simply to be there to keep the pattern going. Poem #6, For the Love of Pho by expiringpoet
This was an amusing idea but it was let down by poor structure and lack of detail. Someone eating a food they love gives lots of scope for comic detail: lips smacking, dribbling and general carefree table manners could all have been given more description to good effect. I think that the confessional aspect could have been built up rather more at the opening to give more of a sense of bathos when the reader realises the true nature of the "sin."
I also found that the rhyme was mis-handled. Poem #7, He Sits Alone Staring by airgrinder
This entry had so much potential. We could have been made to feel much more (or less if the writer preferred) sympathy for the old man. Instead we were left with a sense of disjointedness and missed opportunity and have to struggle to form the narrative.
The attempts at onomatopoeia in the opening stanzas were encouraging but unfortunate. Sadly, the resemblance of "pis" to the word "piss" took away the value of the first instance and in stanza two I simply felt that doors do not go "Clink Clank Boom!" If these sounds were actually a reference to the computer games, then a clearer structure was needed to clarify the point.
There was also some confusion of tenses. Poem #8, Food For Thought by preya
In many ways I liked this. The sense of personification of "food for thought" was a sound idea and I enjoyed the feeling of malevolence which came across well but, as with so many of the other entries, I felt that structure needed a lot more thought. The first stanza in particular was quite impenetrable. The use of "poetic" language is not sufficient. A poet's aim should be communication. Poem #9, Utmost Supremacy by binarynwitz
Once more, I felt that the chosen form obscured any meaning. The overpowering rhyme in the first stanza, together with the poor grammar in line two, put me off almost before I had begun. The formal, imperious tone also seemed, to me, to be a mistake and I was left with the feeling that the writer was thinking too much about "writing a poem" and not enough about what he/she really wanted to say. I confess that I did not really know what the intention was. There was clearly some sincerity in here but that alone is not enough. Poem #10, Anorexic Satiation by Koo Wai Mun
I found that the chosen form overwhelmed any real meaning. It would probably be more effective if read aloud but did not really work in this context. A phrase such as "this odious bane" seemed to me to demonstrate only an adherence to rhyme and added little to, in fact probably confused, the meaning. The rather high-sounding, declamatory tone also served to obscure rather than clarify. If the writer wished to make a point about the sense of paradox in eating disorders (or to use them as a metaphor for some other human condition) then a more straightforward approach would have paid dividends. Poem #12, A Bowl of Humble Maggi Mee by expiringpoet
This had a gentle sense of humour which I enjoyed but I felt that there was no real depth to it. The idea of pleasure now being preferable can have much validity but I felt that the poem failed to explore this. I also felt that the use of rhyme and half-rhyme was obtrusive and detracted from the content; ditto the metrical structure. -
Overall View by Vance Roberts
Entrants should be congratulated on their ideas and willingness to "have a go" but there were particular weaknesses which were common to many of the poems. The following is a brief, and probably slightly confused, attempt to summarise the most common failings.
1) Even when writing in a second language, lapses in grammar and punctuation are irritating for a reader. The writer must re-read a work very carefully before submitting it. Typographical errors and technical slips can be eradicated before submission. Minor mistakes may be overlooked in more personal situations such as a blog, or when showing a friend a rough draft, but they cannot be accepted in more formal situations such as a competition.
2) It is difficult to draw up hard and fast rules on style and structure but, in this instance, many entries were let down by poor choices of, or adherence to, a particular style or format. In many cases, rhyme was over-used at the expense of the underlying meaning. In some cases, a structure was set up but then incorrectly used. For example: if a writer sets out using a ten-syllable line but then continually "misses" this target by a syllable or two, it becomes irritating for the reader unless there is a clear reason for the changes - perhaps an attempt to show the erratic feelings of the character or narrator.
The same is also true of rhyme. Half-rhyme and/or absence of rhyme can be very effective but a reader needs to sense that there is purpose behind the writer's changes. Rhyme also tends to trivialise subject matter if used badly. As an extreme example, imagine writing a limerick about the death of a loved one. It wouldn't work because the format is too well known as a comedic one. The wisest option is often to choose a recognised form such as a sonnet or to adopt a more personal "voice" and keep to free verse. Obviously all of these "rules" can be broken deliberately to very good effect but, as is so often the case, a sound knowledge of the rules is a great help before setting out to ignore them.
3) Think carefully about scansion. Very rhythmic styles, such as those often labelled as "Rap," will work much better when being read aloud in a more improvised way but they can seem stilted when set down formally. There is also the related point that a Rapper or a singer can stretch syllables and place stresses where he/she wishes. A poet, in a formal, written piece, is expected to let the structure guide the reader.
4) Technical devices such as simile, metaphor, oxymoron and the rest will not automatically make a poem great but a writer should consider their inclusion, or exclusion, carefully and be able to say why they have or have not made use of them. The same idea applies to the use of adjectives and adverbs or to the decision to use a colloquial "voice" rather than a formal one.
5) In poetry there are no "right" answers but an individual writer needs to ask him/herself the right questions - the ones which best pertain to his/her own wishes and objectives - before starting the poem. -
Want to have a guess which is the judges' favourite poem?
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i'd say #10. the 3 part saga.Originally posted by DeadPoet:Want to have a guess which is the judges' favourite poem? -
Maybe ... what about the rest?Originally posted by Keii:i'd say #10. the 3 part saga. -
either #4 or #9
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Originally posted by MoonIce:
Usually hor the winners from the Open Category and the Judges' Choice Category are two different person. But who knows ...
either #4 or [b]#9 [/b]
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got prize de bor?Originally posted by DeadPoet:Want to have a guess which is the judges' favourite poem? -
Nope, but you can have an apple.Originally posted by tare:got prize de bor? -
okie onz I also wan le I also dun mind an appleOriginally posted by DeadPoet:Nope, but you can have an apple.
but i wan Japan Fuji Rosy Red Apple hor -
China one also not bad what. But I don't like green apples, too sour.Originally posted by MoonIce:okie onz I also wan le I also dun mind an apple
but i wan Japan Fuji Rosy Red Apple hor 
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after watching a gory movie of arms and legs and heads went flying..... did u meant ur adam apple?Originally posted by DeadPoet:Nope, but you can have an apple. -
lolx Japan de more expensive mahOriginally posted by DeadPoet:China one also not bad what. But I don't like green apples, too sour.
green apple is okie la but i prefer it in juice with a plum added in for more sour taste. -
Like that also can ah?Originally posted by tare:after watching a gory movie of arms and legs and heads went flying..... did u meant ur adam apple? -
Green apple juice is fine with me but not the apple by itself.Originally posted by MoonIce:lolx Japan de more expensive mah
green apple is okie la but i prefer it in juice with a plum added in for more sour taste. -
Wah, DeadPoet, how you manage to get so many powderful people as the judges? My guess is that you are quiteinfluential yourself. Am i right? or am I right?
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I confirm the winner is singaporean
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Originally posted by DeadPoet:
Dear Contestants,
In the JudgesÂ’ Choice Category, three members from the judging panel will each select a poem. If more than one judge selected your poem, you will be declared the winner in this category. However if your poem was not selected, it doesnÂ’t mean it is not good enough. The judges have the right to select, in their opinions, the best poem among the submissions.
They are here to help you improve your writing skills. To some contestants, their comments might sound a bit harsh. But do remember it is nothing personal; the judges do not know you personally. They are here to comment on your poems, not you. You can choose to agree or disagree with them.
DonÂ’t be discouraged, and good luck!
Dead Poet
Your friendly Moderator
-------------------------------------------------------------
The judges for 1st MPC Poetry Writing Contest are – [b]Gilbert Koh
He is the winner of the National Arts Council's Golden Point Award for Poetry (2005). His poetry has been published in various publications in Singapore and elsewhere, including Atlanta Review, papertiger, Slope, No Other City - The Ethos Anthology of Urban Poetry, Love Gathers All - The Philippines-Singapore Anthology of Love Poetry, From Boys to Men - A Literary Anthology of National Service in Singapore and Poetry Billboard. Cheong Lee San
He has published in Quarterly Literary Review Singapore and The SidewalkÂ’s End. His poem The Comet won the first prize in a poetry-writing contest organized by The Straits Times many years ago. His blog urban poems is featured in Famous Poets and Poems.com. Vance Roberts
He was a English teacher for over 20 years in UK - teaching both Language and Literature to 11 - 18 years olds and adults. His work has been published occasionally in print, e-magazines, and in a couple of anthologies. He now lives on the Isle of Skye, spending his time exploring, writing, taking pictures and playing a variety of wind instruments to the echoes in deserted glens.
The result will be announced latest by 23/3/2007.
[/b] -
*ahem* This is Sgforums by the wayOriginally posted by alexkusu:I confirm the winner is singaporean -
-double post-
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Me influential? No lah. I am not even a poet. Just ask them nicely, most of them are quite willing to help.Originally posted by polarsnake:Wah, DeadPoet, how you manage to get so many powderful people as the judges? My guess is that you are quiteinfluential yourself. Am i right? or am I right?
You can find the rest of the judges here.