My first poem!
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Please rate... and don't laugh please
As I fall deeper into the mist,
I find shadows everywhere,
Life as I had known them there,
Were like the afternoon air
Though I may be reminiscing again,
I know what was there, was there,
Turning the wheels of time,
Was never worth the dime -
Poems cannot be rated like movies. They are more precious than that.
Welcome to the forum.
I am curious: why is "life there" like "afternoon air"? -
sorry... error...
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Life had gone by and all that's left are the memories. The 'afternoon air' is contrasted with the 'mist' from the first line.. One is past, one is present. Also, the 'mist' represents the things that I have done in the past and as ya'all know, the afternoon clears up the mist. So when i say that life as i had known was like the afternoon air, I am emphasizing that it's all gone..Originally posted by Bluesky_Liz:Poems cannot be rated like movies. They are more precious than that. Welcome to the forum.
I am curious: why is "life there" like "afternoon air"?
I hope it makes sense -
Originally posted by QNH1010:
Does it mean that you don't want to see history repeating?
[b
Though I may be reminiscing again,
I know what was there, was there,
Turning the wheels of time,
Was never worth the dime
[/b] -
my 1st poem :
IR here
IR there
IR everywhere!
Sand here
Sand there
Sand nowhere! -
It's rather like... i can't change some things. Like I have already seen the ugly side of many people I know. So what for go back to the past? You can't change them..Originally posted by SingaporeMacross:Does it mean that you don't want to see history repeating? -
Welcome to MPC QNH1010!
DonÂ’t worry we usually donÂ’t laugh at others' poems unless they are supposed to be funny in the first place.
This is an interesting “no regret/ no turning back” poem. But the fact that you need to explain to your readers you are contrasting “afternoon air” with “mist” and what they meant shows that there are rooms for improvement.
Maybe you can try showing us how you feel via an event or an image instead. Just my opinion.
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poem is too vague... w/o your explaination i seriously dunnoe wat u r talking abt...
then again maybe cos my brain is on leave today
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Come back! Come back!Originally posted by tare:poem is too vague... w/o your explaination i seriously dunnoe wat u r talking abt...
then again maybe cos my brain is on leave today
*running after tare's brain*