Just Write! Story
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Hello guys, this thread is for you to post your short story. No more than 500 words please. Actually up to you lah.
Have fun!
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The Umbrella Is Missing
The umbrella is missing. I knew it.
Should I activate the spell that IÂ’ve put on it a few days ago? It must be the painter, the umbrella was here yesterday night and after he left this afternoon, it was gone.
It must be the painter, damn foreign worker! I really need to be more carefully with my belongings, shouldnÂ’t have left it hanging at the door.
Now should I activate the spell? It will be dreadful to the thief, bad lucks for seven years and all the nasty stuffs. Maybe I should give him a chance; after all it has been raining non-stop for the past few days. Maybe he just wants to borrow it for a while, you know to buy lunch and things like that.
He will surely put it back after using it.
I will wait.
------
Hmm. It is almost evening and my umbrella is still nowhere in sight. I must teach him a lesson. I will activate the spell. But really it is just an umbrella, why the need to get so work up?
------
Ah my wife is back from work. But wait a minute, it wasn't the painter who took my umbrella, it was my wife. She took it this morning to work. Gosh, I almost hurt the person I love.
I am really ashamed of myself. -
Originally posted by DeadPoet:
-_-!
[b]The Umbrella Is Missing
The umbrella is missing. I knew it.
Should I activate the spell that IÂ’ve put on it a few days ago? It must be the painter, the umbrella was here yesterday night and after he left this afternoon, it was gone.
It must be the painter, damn foreign worker! I really need to be more carefully with my belongings, shouldnÂ’t have left it hanging at the door.
Now should I activate the spell? It will be dreadful to the thief, bad lucks for seven years and all the nasty stuffs. Maybe I should give him a chance; after all it has been raining non-stop for the past few days. Maybe he just wants to borrow it for a while, you know to buy lunch and things like that.
He will surely put it back after using it.
I will wait.
------
Hmm. It is almost evening and my umbrella is still nowhere in sight. I must teach him a lesson. I will activate the spell. But really it is just an umbrella, why the need to get so work up?
------
Ah my wife is back from work. But wait a minute, it wasn't the painter who took my umbrella, it was my wife. She took it this morning to work. Gosh, I almost hurt the person I love.
I am really ashamed of myself.
[/b] -
Originally posted by tut4nkh4m3n:-_-!
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don't always blame the foreign talent!
Anymore?
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The rain hit the window like a velvet-gloved burglar trying to rattle the panes. I turned to see the grey, sleety sky greet me with the face of a thousand lazy December evenings, when the wind would howl softly and the maze of cars below would blinker in and out of existence.
Sam said that they reminded her of candles in the wind, and chuckled as she gently yanked my shoulder back. She placed her chin on her fists as she watched me kill a thousand souls across the world. I muttered a few choice words at my teammate as he died from incompetency. I didn't think that Mexicans could understand the lazy Hokkien spoken by a Singaporean across the Pacific Ocean.
No matter. I pulled off the headphones, and ruffled Sam's hair. I asked her if she wanted some coffee, and she nodded. While making the coffee, I gazed at her back, and saw the curves of her shoulder in the sudden sunset's shadow cast on the timber floor.
I could say that I was deeply in love. Not just with her, but with life itself.
The cars had stopped blinking below.
I looked for the keys and we went down to the carpark, and to my horror, our car was blazing like a supernova. I must have forgotten to turn them off when I came back from getting the coffee beans.
Damn! -
Too busy to write. Need to update my two blogs. I've been neglecting them for quite a while liao.Originally posted by dsnake1:
don't always blame the foreign talent!
Anymore? -
The rain has stopped and i has stopped feeling sleepy
Wonder when will the rain start again and when i will start feeling sleepy again -
Great reads, DP and LazerLord.
I can't write a short story to save my life. Keep em coming. -
It is raining and I am driving when the song came on the radio. It is my fault for tuning into the wrong FM, the one that played hits of days long past.
The rain is getting heavier and I flick the windscreen wiper a notch up. I can barely see through the slate of water that came pouring down. It looks misty outside, or is it inside?
I hear the lyrics tell of a story of a love that had changed - inexplicably - another cliched love song, dedicated to yet another broken heart. I can hear him through my thoughts, telling me that the crack in the window frame would take longer to seal because the glue takes longer to dry up - weather like this and luck like ours doesn't go together.
Static interrupted my reverie. He tells me sad songs are not meant for rainy days.
It doesn't matter - I tell him - sooner or later, those sunny days will come. -
A small one.
Rings! Rings! The sounds jarred me since nobody really calls me at this time of the night. Oh Sad news that had reached my ears and shocked me. Oh Gosh! An ex-school mate had gone. And she herself got involved in an accident and recovering so far.
We talked for a while then hanged up when another calls her. I sit silently for a while.
Life is so precious indeed, one of us had left us in a way that left us all surprised.
Then messages come my way from the one who interrupts our talk implying that I have somehow defamed her.
But really it is true. I nearly want to curse her. Yeah me evil so sue me I donÂ’t care. Then hell the charade went on and on as we continue to sms about Christmas and so and so. Yeah so nice of me so what! There is always two sides to everything. Deceits lie about but who cares. Tell me! Is there even pure white and black everywhere? Then when I need to talk to someone, I found to my lonely soul that recently there is no one. No one I can easily call and talk nowadays, how surreal life is.
Where have they all gone to? Last I know there was at least one, now there is none. Oh hell! Even an unknown one will do, but still unease will reigns. Oh dear! Now whatÂ…
Heck care! Nobody then I just depend on myself as always.
Then I go read in my own solitary way, things just seem so unreal when IÂ’m in my own world.
When I woke, I realize itÂ’s just another day.
Another lonely day~~~ -
Very nice! I really like the matter-of-fact way it's written, 'It is this' and 'I do that'. I think it has impact when you right it short and to the point like this, because all you're doing is showing, and it's up to the reader to fill in the emotion and the description. You wrapped it up well, I think, the ending is perfect.Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:It is raining and I am driving when the song came on the radio. It is my fault for tuning into the wrong FM, the one that played hits of days long past.
The rain is getting heavier and I flick the windscreen wiper a notch up. I can barely see through the slate of water that came pouring down. It looks misty outside, or is it inside?
I hear the lyrics tell of a story of a love that had changed - inexplicably - another cliched love song, dedicated to yet another broken heart. I can hear him through my thoughts, telling me that the crack in the window frame would take longer to seal because the glue takes longer to dry up - weather like this and luck like ours doesn't go together.
Static interrupted my reverie. He tells me sad songs are not meant for rainy days.
It doesn't matter - I tell him - sooner or later, those sunny days will come.
'Static interrupted my reverie'; I think you meant that in present tense, right? -
I'll try to be as constructive as I can, I hope you don't mind, DeadPoet.
Originally posted by DeadPoet:
Nice! The way you wrote it makes it sound very real, like a dialogue someone really would have with himself, and I think that's really well done.
[b]The Umbrella Is Missing
The umbrella is missing. I knew it.
Should I activate the spell that IÂ’ve put on it a few days ago? It must be the painter, the umbrella was here yesterday night and after he left this afternoon, it was gone.
It must be the painter, damn foreign worker! I really need to be more carefully with my belongings, shouldnÂ’t have left it hanging at the door.
Now should I activate the spell? It will be dreadful to the thief, bad lucks for seven years and all the nasty stuffs. Maybe I should give him a chance; after all it has been raining non-stop for the past few days. Maybe he just wants to borrow it for a while, you know to buy lunch and things like that.
He will surely put it back after using it.
I will wait.
'The umbrella is missing. I knew it.' '...after he left this afternoon, it was gone'. Maybe it should be in present tense. Or, since the speaker wasn't there when he left, it should be something like, 'he left only this afternoon, and now it's gone.'
I think it would have more impact if you'd added more prejudice here, not in a nasty way, but in a more I-knew-it way. Like, 'It's my own fault, I knew a foreign worker would be coming, but still I didn't look after my own things.', or something like that?
'He will surely put it back after using it.' Would it have worked better if you'd written something less sure? Because the speaker is prejudiced, after all, right? Or perhaps it might work if the speaker gave the person the benefit of the doubt, not because he had faith in the foreign worker, but because that would make him feel better about himself?
It's quite a good ending, with a nice twist! I think it's a little too matter-of-fact here, though. The speaker is thinking to himself, isn't he? Would it work better if the speaker had said something more observational, like 'she must have took it this morning', or 'there's my wife---and the umbrella!'?
Hmm. It is almost evening and my umbrella is still nowhere in sight. I must teach him a lesson. I will activate the spell. But really it is just an umbrella, why the need to get so work up?
------
Ah my wife is back from work. But wait a minute, it wasn't the painter who took my umbrella, it was my wife. She took it this morning to work. Gosh, I almost hurt the person I love.
I am really ashamed of myself.
[/b]
All in all, though, I think you've managed to convey the idea very well. It's realistic and has impact, and because of the way you wrote it, it is something all readers can understand and relate too. Nice! -
not my story but wad the hell. my england not good so make do la.
There was once a very stupid traveler, because he was so stupid he was easily conned by people in the town. Everything was taken away - his money, his clothes, his shoes. But stupid as he is, every of those cheats would tell him, he had helped them a great deal. And he would reply with tears, "You're welcomed, may your life be blessed."
He winded up naked, so he decided to travel in the countryside out of embarrassment.
He met some demons in the forest who desire to devour his flesh, and started coaxing him with lies. Naturally he gave in, and lost his limbs one by one. In the end, he is only left with his head. And soon even his eyes were taken as well. As the demon chomp down the eyeballs, he gave his thanks and left a present for the traveler. It was a lie. The demon left a note, with the word "Stupid."
Yet the poor traveler was so happy, even in darkness. "Thank you! Thank you! I have never received a present before. I am so happy!" Without eyes, his tears flowed like water and the traveler breathe his last. -
Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:
Nice story. That's quite insightful.
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That's a bit sad.Originally posted by MoonIce:
Oh well, there's always the internet to rant if there's no one out there to talk to.
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Why do 99.9% of all short stories created must involve love?
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Originally posted by Ito_^:
Morbid. I guess you have to be careful not to get taken advantaged of wherever you go. -
Because love is the chief motivator of life (life stories). You almost have to love something or someone to go on living. Don't quite matter what. Love yourself, or money, or significant other...etcOriginally posted by DriftingGuy:Why do 99.9% of all short stories created must involve love? -
trueOriginally posted by Bluesky_Liz:Because love is the chief motivator of life (life stories). You almost have to love something or someone to go on living. Don't quite matter what. Love yourself, or money, or significant other...etc
To Live is Life
To Love is True -
ya lor. im sick of em.Originally posted by DriftingGuy:Why do 99.9% of all short stories created must involve love? -
den u try one without love lorOriginally posted by Ito_^:ya lor. im sick of em. -
i just posted one le ma.Originally posted by MoonIce:den u try one without love lor love as in romance. -
Thanks for your suggestion. I am going to rewrite and post it in my blog.Originally posted by preya:I'll try to be as constructive as I can, I hope you don't mind, DeadPoet.
It's quite a good ending, with a nice twist! I think it's a little too matter-of-fact here, though. The speaker is thinking to himself, isn't he? Would it work better if the speaker had said something more observational, like 'she must have took it this morning', or 'there's my wife---and the umbrella!'?
All in all, though, I think you've managed to convey the idea very well. It's realistic and has impact, and because of the way you wrote it, it is something all readers can understand and relate too. Nice! -
"What did I miss today?" I wondered aloud much to the curious stares of the listless few who sat around me, as bus No. 666 rolled out slowly from a deep slumber with a diesel-fueled groan.
Not much different from 666, the early morning breeze saw me unceremoniously awaken from past-rainy-day hibernation to the harsh routine of work by my boss' friendly 5 am sms.
"Can cover todae? Alex say he sck today. Msg me once u rch. k?"
Low in spirits made impossibly lower by the blank stares of those of similar plight, I wind down the windows to let in air eager to squeeze into the stuffy confines of 666 as it warmed up to cruise mode.
The rushing wind slows into a lingering breeze over me. With that comes the realization of what I missed; as I looked down past my tie, my shirt trim and neat, my flannel black pants and finally resting my wide, shocked eyes upon my exposed toes peeking back at me through my slippers.