Road Trip
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I should have read this one that day. I can't remember if I have ever posted this here, so here:
Road Trip
We did not get a red car as promised
but it is fine, blue is our favorite color.
Navy blue, the color that children like
for stormy seas or heavy rain.
It is a good sign, you said. This day
everything is good. I do not
have to pretend to smile. You do not
have to pretend to be kind.
You turn the key, igniting the fuel for our escape;
I am in the passenger seat, sawing off chains
that bind me to a life across some great sea.
We burn the roads like the sun had burnt
our backs, breaking tarmac like the desert heat
that had crinkled our faces and cracked our lips.
If only our road trip can last forever;
just you in the driverÂ’s seat, and me,
enjoying the breeze, watching
the storm clouds close over the skies
as the last sun beams reach down
before they drown. -
this one's amazing Liz. Truly perfect from the hopeful start to the slight note of regret at the close. Love it.
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Thanks.
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I like it a lot too
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memories are sweet if only things never turn sour
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One of her best!
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I really donÂ’t see why we wonÂ’t have enough good poems to publish our own chapbook. (Even our anthology if we have the $$$) It is the various costs involved that are troubling me, not the quality of the poems.
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I agree that there's alot of quality and simply great poems worth publishing, but what would be the motivation to do so? Would it be for profit or self-promotion or promoting local poetry?Originally posted by DeadPoet:I really donÂ’t see why we wonÂ’t have enough good poems to publish our own chapbook. (Even our anthology if we have the $$$) It is the various costs involved that are troubling me, not the quality of the poems.
Publishing would be a challenge but not impossible. However getting back the money invested will be hell. I mean, there's a reason why most writers who can write poems choose to publish stories instead. ESPECIALLY sex stories
It's a wider market and let's face it, not many people have the patience to endure reading poetry. -
It will definitely not be for profit.
It is for the priceless moment of reading your poems in print and able to pass the book to someone you love and said, “This is just of one a million ways I can show you my love and should one day I am no longer by your side, you know that every single letter in my poems will lead me back to you.” -
ESPECIALLY sex stories
Funny isn't it? There's a sudden boom of those on the local shelf. It used to be horror horror horror.
I read somewhere that to be a writer of either poetry or prose, the first thing you have to accept is that you'll probably not be able to make enough money off it to put food on the table and pay the bills. I don't think the sex stories earn the authors that much, as I don't think there's a single one among them that is a full time writer the likes of Rowling or Stephen King.
IMHHO you can do well distributing chapbooks online through pdf formats (most poetry people are running around online anyway), and in the end, wanting it in print is just for the sole reason of wanting it in print.
Thanks for your kind comments, Innohippo, ShrodingersCat and DP. -
good idea ...... pdf saves trees and shelf spaceOriginally posted by Bluesky_Liz:IMHHO you can do well distributing chapbooks online through pdf formats (most poetry people are running around online anyway), and in the end, wanting it in print is just for the sole reason of wanting it in print. -
Road Trip made me smile
i think it's fab! -
Nice!
oh if only i can drive
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Originally posted by InnoHippo:good idea ...... pdf saves trees and shelf space
but expensive power usage -
Thanks for your comments, Praying Buddha and MoonIce.
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you are right, Liz, this piece is good to read aloud.
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IMO, those are for children.Originally posted by Bluesky_Liz:Funny isn't it? There's a sudden boom of those on the local shelf. It used to be horror horror horror.
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Well it is something I am looking forward to accomplish regardless of the reasons.Originally posted by Bluesky_Liz:IMHHO you can do well distributing chapbooks online through pdf formats (most poetry people are running around online anyway), and in the end, wanting it in print is just for the sole reason of wanting it in print. -
Originally posted by InnoHippo:good idea ...... pdf saves trees and shelf space
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Stick with books!Originally posted by MoonIce:
but expensive power usage -
Originally posted by DeadPoet:Stick with books!
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Road Trip
We did not get a red car as promised
but it is fine, blue is our favorite color.
Navy blue, the color that children like
for stormy seas or heavy rain.
To be honest “stormy seas” and “heavy rain” are not very exciting. But I guess they work here because the readers are expecting something more pleasant such as navy blue flowers or navy blue toys, etc. IMO L4 set the tone of what is to be expected. It is a warning that this is not a “Happy Family” kind of road trip. It leads the readers on.
It is a good sign, you said. This day
everything is good. I do not
have to pretend to smile. You do not
have to pretend to be kind.
This is getting interesting. I like the repetition of “pretend” and again the author is hinting us that things are not going too well for the family. For now let’s pretend we are not aware and read on.
You turn the key, igniting the fuel for our escape;
I am in the passenger seat, sawing off chains
that bind me to a life across some great sea.
What I want to know is what is the significant of
“I am in the passenger seat, sawing off chains
that bind me to a life across some great sea.”
It is important to place the author in the passenger seat? And I don’t really get “a life across some great sea.”
We burn the roads like the sun had burnt
our backs, breaking tarmac like the desert heat
that had crinkled our faces and cracked our lips.
I think these are your strongest lines. Effective image, great sound, and excellent linebreaks – I am very impressed.
If only our road trip can last forever;
just you in the driverÂ’s seat, and me,
enjoying the breeze, watching
the storm clouds close over the skies
as the last sun beams reach down
before they drown.
Love the ending. Just wondering, where are the children? -
It is important to place the author in the passenger seat? And I don’t really get “a life across some great sea.”
It is not important, it's just that the author does not know how to drive.
I was in australia, my life from that point of view, is across a great sea. That's where that line came from. But yeah, I think I might try something else, it sounds a little grandiose if anything else.
Thanks for your critique, DP. Much appreciated. -
I alway thought i could've known my grandfather better if he had left something for me. Id certainly pass down my 'little black book' to my next generation though i haven lived a most exciting life...still i hope theres something which will live forever.....Originally posted by DeadPoet:It will definitely not be for profit.
It is for the priceless moment of reading your poems in print and able to pass the book to someone you love and said, “This is just of one a million ways I can show you my love and should one day I am no longer by your side, you know that every single letter in my poems will lead me back to you.” -
Originally posted by DeadPoet:
that's an excellent critique DP!
[b]Road Trip
We did not get a red car as promised
but it is fine, blue is our favorite color.
Navy blue, the color that children like
for stormy seas or heavy rain.
To be honest “stormy seas” and “heavy rain” are not very exciting. But I guess they work here because the readers are expecting something more pleasant such as navy blue flowers or navy blue toys, etc. IMO L4 set the tone of what is to be expected. It is a warning that this is not a “Happy Family” kind of road trip. It leads the readers on.
It is a good sign, you said. This day
everything is good. I do not
have to pretend to smile. You do not
have to pretend to be kind.
This is getting interesting. I like the repetition of “pretend” and again the author is hinting us that things are not going too well for the family. For now let’s pretend we are not aware and read on.
You turn the key, igniting the fuel for our escape;
I am in the passenger seat, sawing off chains
that bind me to a life across some great sea.
What I want to know is what is the significant of
“I am in the passenger seat, sawing off chains
that bind me to a life across some great sea.”
It is important to place the author in the passenger seat? And I don’t really get “a life across some great sea.”
We burn the roads like the sun had burnt
our backs, breaking tarmac like the desert heat
that had crinkled our faces and cracked our lips.
I think these are your strongest lines. Effective image, great sound, and excellent linebreaks – I am very impressed.
If only our road trip can last forever;
just you in the driverÂ’s seat, and me,
enjoying the breeze, watching
the storm clouds close over the skies
as the last sun beams reach down
before they drown.
Love the ending. Just wondering, where are the children?
[/b]