1740hrs Jurong Point POSB
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I am flowing
ever so sluggishly
with a ribbon-like river
of mud and clay.
It is amazing how many people,
squeezed into a room, can be made
to coil and squirm within a restraining maze,
their free will at once forfeit
the moment they decided to put their
trust in a bank.
We all spontaneously
anaesthetize ourselves with a book, with conversation
with a poor martyr of a friend dragged along,
with our electronic playthings, and here,
with a pen and paper hoping for transcendence
from this claustrophobic situation, by
surveying all like a pretentious king:
I am the surveyor and the observer, detached
from the mortal coil as I examine
the idiosyncrasies, smugly.
But am I not also
the deserter, escaping into
the veritable cinema of human drama?
The bored face, the vacant glassy stare,
the ceaseless chatter and animation;
If they are signs of ennui or elan
I know not, because we are all
flowing ever so sluggishly
in a ribbon-like river
of mud and clay.
Oh, but can the river flow slower still?
Apparently so, the closer I get
to the counter, to relief, to paradise.
My legs ache, those are nice brests*
wrapped snugly in a shrunken tee
What's the time?
Oh, I'm next.
n/b: dunno if you'll see this as a poem or if I was just trying too hard :!
*apparently the PC spell check on this forum is very meticulous, and I'd rather misspell than be accused of worse profanities
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yah i know that feeling
goodness, that place is so small and so packed, it gives one claustrophobia -
Which part of JP is not packed one???
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WHAT A TITLE
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Love this piece
A slow sluggish river describes the interminable queue so well. I can totally relate ! -
Do my banking there too! Would be playing with my phone while i shuffle along the coil. Has anyone felt the strain of having to keep your eye for the next available counter when it's your turn?
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I am flowing
ever so sluggishly
with a ribbon-like river
of mud and clay.
It is amazing how many people,
squeezed into a room, can be made
to coil and squirm within a restraining maze,
River or maze? Make up your mind.
their free will at once forfeit
the moment they decided to put their
trust in a bank.
Stick with the river metaphor since there is a ‘bank’. You know what I mean lah hor?
We all spontaneously
anaesthetize ourselves with a book, with conversation
with a poor martyr of a friend dragged along,
with our electronic playthings, and here,
with a pen and paper hoping for transcendence
from this claustrophobic situation, by
surveying all like a pretentious king:
I am the surveyor and the observer, detached
from the mortal coil as I examine
the idiosyncrasies, smugly.
But am I not also
the deserter, escaping into
the veritable cinema of human drama?
Now you are a king, a surveyor, a observer and a deserter. Where is the river?
The bored face, the vacant glassy stare,
the ceaseless chatter and animation;
If they are signs of ennui or elan
I know not, because we are all
flowing ever so sluggishly
in a ribbon-like river
of mud and clay.
Great! You are a river again!
Oh, but can the river flow slower still?
Apparently so, the closer I get
to the counter, to relief, to paradise.
My legs ache, those are nice brests*
wrapped snugly in a shrunken tee
What's the time?
Oh, I'm next.
Okay, I got it. You are a slow horny river. -
Hi
thanks for the comments. appreciated! JP is seriously overcrowded, for a suburban mall.
Yes, Alex, a slow moving horny river; I cannot tell for sure if that observation was not shared by any of the other males in the queue. Was I feeling horny? I just thought they were nicely formed, that's all. :-J
of course this little collection of words cannot claim much artistic merit, since it was composed within those minutes in that slow sluggish river (note also, that I was IN the river, not THE river), so I can't say my mind was working at full steam while I scrawled this in my notebook.
So I really agree that metaphorical consistency isn't a strength here.
Thanks for pointing out the unintended pun on 'bank' ( I will not pretend to have thought it out there and then or even to have thought it subconsciously) but there you have it, if it makes the reading more meaningful then all the better.
Can a poem be about rivers and mazes and kings and carnal observations all at the same time? I say why not? But I won't go the length to defend this piece since even I suspect that it will not stand the scrutiny -
it must be a real sloooow moving queue to be able to write a poem in it!
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Good point.Originally posted by Aeolius77:(note also, that I was IN the river, not THE river), so I can't say my mind was working at full -
I've been there before once, only once.Originally posted by dsnake1:it must be a real sloooow moving queue to be able to write a poem in it! -
Ya, my ex stays there so every evening go with him to the ATM deposit $. Sickenly long and crowded