untitled
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He sits and waits
By the pearly gates
For peter and his flaming sword
To let him in
His grand domain
Another wayward ward
But thereÂ’s no light
This bitter night
To guide this weathered soul
Only scattered coughs
And stagnant troughs
Amidst the stinging cold
“Perhaps some day”
I hear him say
“I’ll leave this world for good”
He huddles inside
His oxen hide
And pulls down on his hood. -
Hello duke_argonath,Originally posted by duke_argonath:He sits and waits
By the pearly gates
For peter and his flaming sword
To let him in
His grand domain
Another wayward ward
But thereÂ’s no light
This bitter night
To guide this weathered soul
Only scattered coughs
And stagnant troughs
Amidst the stinging cold
“Perhaps some day”
I hear him say
“I’ll leave this world for good”
He huddles inside
His oxen hide
And pulls down on his hood.
What I like about this poem is its tone and its sense of mystery. I have no major problems with this one except for the usual clichés such as “bitter night”, “stinging cold”, etc. Overall I am quite okay with it but I do have a question i.e. what is this poem about?
Thanks.
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well when i wrote it i imagined a homeless man.. that's all.. nothing spectacular, and i shall take what you said about cliches into consideration
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yes, it does make sense now.
like the rhyming scheme.
is there a name for that? -
Good for you my friend!Originally posted by duke_argonath:well when i wrote it i imagined a homeless man.. that's all.. nothing spectacular, and i shall take what you said about cliches into consideration
The problem with having too many clichés is that they dull the poem.
A couple of them is actually okay with me. -
Yeah theres a name for that rhyming pattern he used... I can't remember thoughOriginally posted by dsnake1:yes, it does make sense now.
like the rhyming scheme.
is there a name for that? -
did some searching and came up with this.Originally posted by DriftingGuy:Yeah theres a name for that rhyming pattern he used... I can't remember though
maybe it's a version of a Cywydd Llosgyrnog
how do you pronounce this thing? -
Originally posted by dsnake1:
Very deep leh brother.
did some searching and came up with this.
maybe it's a version of a [b]Cywydd Llosgyrnog
how do you pronounce this thing? [/b]
I am having a headache now.
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as am i...