THE INTERVIEW (a draft)
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THE INTERVIEW
I had an interview
last week
at an Art Gallery
I think it went well
She asked me
if I know Cubism,
Impressionism,
Surrealism-
and whether I can
intelligently converse
about them
And how about Da VinciÂ…
TitianÂ…BotticelliÂ…
The Old MastersÂ…
what do I know of these?
Can I talk about the Renaissance
like I had been there?
Do I know the difference
Between Chiaroscuro
And Sfumato?
My body propped on hard chair
As a product on display
My answers were scrutinized,
measured,
held to light
for authenticity
She smiled, and continued
The friendly interrogation
My answers were composed,
gilt-framed
and served
to her in careful swashes
and brilliant blending
of knowledge, wit and recounts
of my experience.
I hope
she was impressed -
Hi folks,
this is a draft I've been mulling over.
Seriously need help on the rhythm and need pointers from anyone of you here on how to improve the focus and direction for this. If its cliched also, plse let me know and i'll appreciate your frankness in telling me.
Tks in advance. -
I think this works better as prose, or an essay, rather than a poem.
A number of questions before I dash off for dinner
1. The focus of the piece is off -- if I were you, I'll structure it (if you really want a poem) in two parts, the first being the interviewer's questions (from her perspective right from the start, rather than you putting it in the first person) and the second being your response to the interview.
2. What's with the capitals? ("Art Gallery" ), and the ellipses? Seriously, although poetry is much lauded as an experimental form -- always remember it is also the essence of functional, elegant language.
And this usually comes with good grammar. (unless you're cummings, and then I'll go into intertextual and linguistic analysis with you)
3. Line breaks -- too abrupt. Some of them will be better if they're combined, such as "gilt framed/ and served"
4. This is just a thought -- since this piece is about art and interview, why don't you paint a picture of the incident using your words? Paint it such that I can feel your anxiety, your confidence, the interviewer's demeanor, the encapsultating tension. Not so much the pedantic regurgitation of the various art terms -- right now, they don't illuminate anything at all.
Unless you link it to your feelings at that point in time (for instance, chiascuro -- the formless interplay of shadow, light and depth -- could be used to juxtapose your confidence and nervousness during the interview).
Something like that -- I'll elaborate more if I have time, or if you need further clarification.
(my mind's in overdrive). -
I think it is an interesting piece.
Let me take a closer at it look over the weekend.
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Peebrain made a lot of good points.
This draft is rather prosey. It tells, but it doesn't really show. We can read that this happened and that happened but we aren't being brought there. Like you say the interviewer asked the narrator questions but the poem doesn't described how it was asked even though we know it's trying tell us that that the questions were demanding.
I find myself being less interested in the questions being asked, but more interested in the behavior, mannerisms and underlying feelings and thougths being sensed or experienced by the main character in this poem.
Example:
Was the interviewer's tone fierce or gentle? Did she have a certain air about her? How did she make the narrator (N) feel? When she smiles, is it genuine, overdone or fake?
Friendly interrogation - like a friend, or just someone who acts friendly but make N feel like she's looking at N ready to strike if N should proof to be inadequate? Does N answer hastily, missing out words in the process of trying to impress, or slowly and carefully choosing her words?
What else can this temporary interviewer-interviewee relationship be compared to: a teacher giving a student an oral quiz? a reporter asking an expert questions? Or a computer just shooting questionsat N?
Things like that.
There's another little nit. Near the beginning, N states that she thinks the interview went well, but there's no clue within the poem that this is so. It ends with N hoping that interviewer is impressed, which doesn't seem to gel well with confidence stated at the beginning of the poem.
Just IMHO.
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hi PB - wonderful suggestions in 1 & 2. why didnt I think of this approach? ugh!Originally posted by peebrain:1. The focus of the piece is off -- if I were you, I'll structure it (if you really want a poem) in two parts, the first being the interviewer's questions (from her perspective right from the start, rather than you putting it in the first person) and the second being your response to the interview.
2. Unless you link it to your feelings at that point in time (for instance, chiascuro -- the formless interplay of shadow, light and depth -- could be used to juxtapose your confidence and nervousness during the interview).
*bang head on table*
I really like the idea of the juxtapositions. I think it could really add more depth to the poem too. thank you... -
Thanks Liz.Originally posted by Bluesky_Liz:There's another little nit. Near the beginning, N states that she thinks the interview went well, but there's no clue within the poem that this is so. It ends with N hoping that interviewer is impressed, which doesn't seem to gel well with confidence stated at the beginning of the poem.
The words, "I think it went well" and "I hope ... was impressed" was meant to convey the feelings of uncertainty actually, on the part of the narrator, not confidence, as you'd interpreted. I now know i need to reinforce this feeling stronger in the poem since its obvious its not conveying this sucessfully. Again, the description of the narrator words being scrutinised almost under a microscope "... held to light"- i wanted to convey feelings of discomfort. I'm still not good at putting feelings into the poem. But I agree with you that perhaps if i'd described more on the interviewer-interviewee dynamics, this might've been better conveyed.