Continuation of "Poetry - Proper writing styles"
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what no purpose!Originally posted by DeadPoet:It is the sudden change in perceptions and images that I am uncomfortable with i.e. from rats to human and from metal locusts to bombers. The only line linking the two is “in the warm blue sky” which in my opinion failed to serve its purpose.
Just a thought.
warm blue sky = tropical sky (of Vietnam) -
This is exactly what I mean.Originally posted by dsnake1:what no purpose!
warm blue sky = tropical sky (of Vietnam)
If Vietnam during the vietnam war, is bombarded by "metal locusts" -- do you think the sky would still be "warm" and "blue"?
Not only is the phrase cliche, it doesn't faciliate the movement of the tanka. I'm sure there are other, better words out there -- remember, poetry's about choosing the most approriate words to refine the matter. -
before the bombardment is always a calm, thus the blue sky.Originally posted by peebrain:This is exactly what I mean.
If Vietnam during the vietnam war, is bombarded by "metal locusts" -- do you think the sky would still be "warm" and "blue"?
Not only is the phrase cliche, it doesn't faciliate the movement of the tanka. I'm sure there are other, better words out there -- remember, poetry's about choosing the most approriate words to refine the matter.
cliche, maybe. i will keep that in mind.
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I prefer your NS poems my friend.Originally posted by dsnake1:before the bombardment is always a calm, thus the blue sky.
cliche, maybe. i will keep that in mind. 