you tore me apart (in the style of e.e. cummings)

• peebrain

  6 Dec 05, 20:22

  you tore me apart (i tear open my heart)
  but i gather the shards, i am never without it
  (if you go, i go where you go); and whatever
  is left is by me for your leaving, my darling
  i want
  no love (for you have gone, my church) i fear
  no sorrow (for wisely i know you only, my pale)
  and it's you are whatever my senses decree
  and whatever my thoughts will whisper is you
  
  here is the truest torment that everybody knows
  (here is the fount of the fount and the hearth of the hearth
  and the fire that burn like ire in the skies; which sinks
  lower than a bottomless pit or confederate lie)
  and this is the sorrow that's keeping the past apart
  
  you tore me apart (i tear open my heart)
  
  -------------------------------------------
  
  Again, comments are most welcomed.
• DeadPoet

  9 Dec 05, 02:01

  Sorry peebrain I am not really into e.e. cummings. But we do have a poet here that are quite fond of him.
  
  dsnake1, any comments?
• dsnake1

  10 Dec 05, 00:46

  Originally posted by DeadPoet:

  Sorry peebrain I am not really into e.e. cummings. But we do have a poet here that are quite fond of him.
  
  dsnake1, any comments?

  peebrain,
  don't listen to DP, i'm just trying to be a poet, and yes i read e.e. cummings a bit.
  
  Your poem does have hints of e.e..cummings. I guess I can't comment much but I think that it is pretty well written. Like these :
  "i want
  no love (for you have gone, my church) i fear
  no sorrow (for wisely i know you only, my pale) "
  
  
  
• DeadPoet

  11 Dec 05, 10:55

  Originally posted by dsnake1:

  peebrain,
  don't listen to DP, i'm just trying to be a poet, and yes i read e.e. cummings a bit.
  
  

  At least you are better than me. I just don't understand e.e. cummings.
• peebrain

  11 Dec 05, 23:54

  Originally posted by dsnake1:

  peebrain,
  don't listen to DP, i'm just trying to be a poet, and yes i read e.e. cummings a bit.
  
  Your poem does have hints of e.e..cummings. I guess I can't comment much but I think that it is pretty well written. Like these :
  "i want
  no love (for you have gone, my church) i fear
  no sorrow (for wisely i know you only, my pale) "
  
  
  

  Thank you
  
  the magic in e.e. cummings's poetry is that it needs to be read aloud. Mere reading won't be enough to capture the nuances (especially since grammar is virtually non-existant) -- only when you read one of his poems (the latter ones, particularly) out loud then will the syntax, or lackof, make sense.
  
  Then all the interesting things, like caesura and enjambement start to come alive -- along with the imagery that is voiced and unsaid.
• dsnake1

  12 Dec 05, 19:13

  Originally posted by peebrain:

  the magic in e.e. cummings's poetry is that it needs to be read aloud. Mere reading won't be enough to capture the nuances (especially since grammar is virtually non-existant) -- only when you read one of his poems (the latter ones, particularly) out loud then will the syntax, or lackof, make sense.
  
  Then all the interesting things, like caesura and enjambement start to come alive -- along with the imagery that is voiced and unsaid.

  peebrain, i see you are a fan of e.e. cummings!
  you are so spot on with his style of writing. At first look, his poetry seem so disjointed and haphazard, but on further readings, one will appreciate his bold approach to writing.
• ShrodingersCat

  19 Dec 05, 00:01

  I like it.. hehe mebbe cos I like ee cummings too
  what's tt term.. Hmm.. I can't remember but i like the way his
  poems flow like thoughts, rather than construction blocks
  and i think you got that style nicely in ur poem
  the only part which I felt was a bit jarring was the mention of
  church, cos the metaphor came out of nowhere
  
• peebrain

  19 Dec 05, 12:56

  Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:

  I like it.. hehe mebbe cos I like ee cummings too
  what's tt term.. Hmm.. I can't remember but i like the way his
  poems flow like thoughts, rather than construction blocks
  and i think you got that style nicely in ur poem
  the only part which I felt was a bit jarring was the mention of
  church, cos the metaphor came out of nowhere
  

  The church reference is derived from the previous lines -- the idea of picking up the shards, nursing it, carrying it inside --- not unlike that of an ossuary. It also refers to the sanctity of the love that's kept within, and the loss of such a sanctuary is double painful -- by losing that love you've lost the grace of God.
  
  
• The man who was death

  21 Dec 05, 20:19

  I only know e.e cummings has one sexual poem that really fits his name