lament,0545
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i've seen what little hope i could
in scripture,from the wise,
in all that breathe,in all that thrive
and each time,when i crest
these knolls of shortlived euphory
mounted in hope of the best
my dead weary soul is discarded
at the bottom of bogged despair,a fitful rest
and at each spot of my dismal retirement,
raised in acknowledgement,poetry in testimony of a failed test
ring such words as bitter as weedsap
a nonwithstanding requirement for an everlasting predicament. -
Really, this piece got potential. But I am not sure why your write like that with the small “i”, irregularly punctuation, etc. Notice there isn’t any full stop?
Perhaps you are trying to set the tone of the poem and to reflect the grief of the subject. Great job.
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Hey DP, i write like that too, small letters, no punctuations.Originally posted by DeadPoet:Really, this piece got potential. But I am not sure why your write like that with the small “i”, irregularly punctuation, etc. Notice there isn’t any full stop?
Agreed with you that this piece have potential, maybe some slight revisions would improve things, the last 3 lines doesn't read too smooth. -
thanks for the comments
haha yea,was in a hurry to finish it,couldnt really write anymoreOriginally posted by dsnake1:the last 3 lines doesn't read too smooth. -
HmmÂ… too prosy.Originally posted by dsnake1:Hey DP, i write like that too, small letters, no punctuations.
Agreed with you that this piece have potential, maybe some slight revisions would improve things, the last 3 lines doesn't read too smooth. -
In a hurry to go to bed?Originally posted by ironoxideman:thanks for the comments
haha yea,was in a hurry to finish it,couldnt really write anymore -
nope,no more 'inspiration'Originally posted by DeadPoet:In a hurry to go to bed?