This Last Poem Is For You
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I had written this months ago, when i saw something that I should have not. Anyway, feel free to comment on it, even the flaws, cos' i'm not really aware of what my bad points are. Thanks. Honestly speaking, after reading the other poems on this forum, i'm simply an amateur. thank you for sparing some of your time to read it.
This Last Poem Is For You
Pain.
Fills my heart with a wretched stain.
Agony.
it overwhems me entirely.
obviously, we were never meant to be.
Just today,
I looked into your eyes and you looked back into mine.
it was then that i thought of how our fates had entwined.
was it because of some divine intervention by a higher entity?
was he planning to end this in a simple tragedy?
I turned away, leaving these questions unanswered.
For some answers are better left not founded.
Whenever I thought of how things were between you and me,
hope blinds me from the harsh reality.
I admit. I had deluded myself to believe things could work out,
but there never was going to be any shower of love. Only eternal drought.
My heart feels so empty without you filling the crowd.
Honestly,
I had seen it coming.
But upon knowing the truth, I just kept running.
Away and away and away...
You were brimming with joy when I saw you hours ago,
but I wasn't the cause for your euphoria, that I know.
Apparently, I had lacked that extra something that he possessed.
Maybe he had taken a step further? Maybe he had earlier confessed?
All thanks to you, my life has become such a mess.
It was then, I asked myself.
How was it that I could hold back my tears?
How was it that I could conceal it all from my peers?
After all these years,
losing someone precious is still one of my many fears.
Come what may,
"I had loved you" is all IÂ’m left to say.
but after what I saw, I know that there's definitely no way.
absolutely no way I could make known how I've always felt.
how it was so true that your words made my heart melt.
But you're never going to know this.
I've always thought love is what makes people blind.
blind to the extent that they lose control, or even their mind.
but now I know,
cupid's arrows never did undermine my logical thinking.
I am solely to be blamed for my folly to continue assuming.
Assuming that things will work out for the better in the end.
Assuming that to you, I was more than just a friend.
You want to know something?
You had sparked my interest to write poems again.
I only did it for you, never for the sake of fame.
Just as you are the one who started it all,
you're also the one who'll end it all.
This last poem is for you.
You, and only you.
Yuhan -
frm wat i read, tis ain't a poem issit?
perhaps try to make it more concise, choose the words carefully to express wat u wanna say.... if the sentences are any longer it could be an essay liao
try to take note of the line breaks and rthymn.... guide the reader thru ur thots ya?
perhaps u would like to revise and post a update version? happy writing!!!
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Hello darkprince88! Welcome to DPS (S)!
Please make yourself comfortable. If you wish to improve your writing please feel free to pm me. If not, feel free to post your poems here to share with the rest of us.
Happy writing! -
DP no dissertation??!!Originally posted by DeadPoet:Hello darkprince88! Welcome to DPS (S)!
Please make yourself comfortable. If you wish to improve your writing please feel free to pm me. If not, feel free to post your poems here to share with the rest of us.
Happy writing! 
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I'm sorry to say this but please don't use the phrase "Come what may" again... it's clearly not original and loads of people know where that phrase come from. It clearly communicates to the reader that you're grabbing what phrase comes to mind because you couldn't / didn't think of your own expression....
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its a bit less poet-ty and more like a song. i suppose its beautiful in a certain agnoized way, but some of the verses need to be shorter.
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apparently, my perception of poetry is very much...different. i guess i've not taken it seriously enough and appreciate it. here are a few more which i had done months back, let me know if it's any better, or worse in that matter. still, i appreciate the comments i've received. thank you for sparing your time.
-Whenever-
whenever i'm near you,
my heart misses a beat or two.
whenever you enter my view,
the emotions i feel are nothing new.
whenever i hear your melodious voice,
ignoring you is not a choice.
whenever you expel that particular scent,
my mind goes completely blank.
whenver i savour the delicacies you concoct,
i am like 'oh my god!'.
whenver you come over and say hi,
i never want to say goodbye.
whenever you put on that smile,
my day becomes colourful, not dull.
whenever you give me that wink,
i simply cease to think.
whenever you come to me for comfort,
i'll give you everything but grief and hurt.
whenever you need a shoulder to cry on,
i'll be there, even if it takes till dawn.
whenever you need a hand to hold,
whenever you are feeling cold,
whenever you have a story to be told,
i'll be by your side, till you grow old.
Now,
whenever i'm all alone,
whenever i'm all by myself at home,
I wonder,
when will you ever be more than a friend?
when will you ever say 'yes, i can'?
And,
if you ever love me,
when?
-What If-
What if the world we live in is an illusion?
What if the feelings we conceive are all a delusion?
What if all our moral values were merely for confusion?
Everything is a matter of perception.
-DayDream-
I often have this daydream.
I'm all alone at the bus stop.
the rain, it just won't stop.
there's no one else.
just myself
and the rain creeping in, with utmost stealth.
there's no one else, no one in sight.
I think to myself, this isn't right.
it's getting dark. soon it'll be night.
I look around,
there's no one to be found.
no one making any sound.
I look down.
My shoes are wet.
Without a hint of her arrival,
I still know it's her. It's undeniable.
She's making her way into the bus stop. so says my gut.
it's just like how she had walked right into my heart.
unknowingly.
gracefully.
is this what they call destiny? -
Originally posted by darkprince88:
I guess you have been writing with the idea in mind that poetry as a form of expression for you. But poetry is more than that... it is also a form of communication, which your reader needs to be able to grasp your meaning, emotions and understand the message.
[b]apparently, my perception of poetry is very much...different. i guess i've not taken it seriously enough and appreciate it. here are a few more which i had done months back, let me know if it's any better, or worse in that matter. still, i appreciate the comments i've received. thank you for sparing your time.
Don't worry too much about it... if you're writing for fun, just keep writing and practicing. *borrow quote from DP* but if you're really keen to improve and serious about writing poetry, one good place to start is to read the Blurbs in Poetry Free For All forum... they offer some really good advice.
Blurbs of wisdom
Frankly, I wasn't any better when I started too... now that I read the Blurbs and i looked at what I've written before... makes me feel like just crossing out the whole page... keke [/url] -
Hey darkprince88,
I really like Day Dream! It looks promising! If you continue to improve on it, you may have a gem at hand.
Well not to worry, it is okay to have different perceptions of poetry. ThatÂ’s why it so interesting. Some write for fun, some want to be published, some just want to share with others or express their emotions in poetic way. Different people write for different reasons.
The important thing is you need to have the correct attitude. Without the correct mindset, you wonÂ’t go much further.
By the way, take KittyÂ’s advice and read the Blurb of Wisdom. It is not the bible of poetry writing but close enough. DonÂ’t rush, take your time, digest them, and reflect upon your own poems. If you agree with them, great, if you donÂ’t it is also okay. I donÂ’t agree with EVERYTHING they said, although 99.9% of them. HeeHee.
Read more poems especially contemporary poetry. If you can, start with local poets. Frankly I think you are doing fine. -
Now you know why I deleted all my old poems.Originally posted by KittynMeow:Frankly, I wasn't any better when I started too... now that I read the Blurbs and i looked at what I've written before... makes me feel like just crossing out the whole page... keke -
yup i sure do... and after reading the blurbs... i seemed to come to a conclusion that i can read poetry better than write... i write too much like a journalist... which is in no way poetic... hahahhaOriginally posted by DeadPoet:Now you know why I deleted all my old poems. -
well, i liked the idea and emotions behind 'last poem'. it's unique, a new take to the whole love-poem thing.
it's a bit too long, and i think that some of the lines sound rather awkward ("Maybe he had earlier confessed? ", "I am solely to be blamed for my folly to continue assuming. " )
some of the phrases were excellent though ("My heart feels so empty without you filling the crowd. /Honestly, / I had seen it coming. / But upon knowing the truth, I just kept running. / Away and away and away... " ). i especially liked the ending; it fit wonderfully.
as for your other poems, 'whenever' seems rather long as well (or maybe i just dont have long attention span ^^). again, some of the prases can be improved on ("whenever you expel that particular scent," , "i am like 'oh my god!'. " ).
i like your ending for 'whenever' as well ("And, / if you ever love me, / when? " ). again, it fits.
'what if' was too short, but i think it has potential.
'daydream' doesn't flow too well, i think. you were describing a daydream, and then you were talking about 'her', and then about destiny. i'm not sure where the daydream fits in, or if it's really important in putting across any ideas.
in most of your poems, it sometimes feels like you're straining for rhyme. the words you use for the sake of rhyming don't fit too well, sometimes.
but overall, i like the idea and inspiration behind your poems. keep on writing!