The Mall-RatÂ’s Love Tail.

• LazerLordz

  7 Jul 05, 13:06

  The Mall-RatÂ’s Love Tail.
  
  I laid my eyes on you
  And never did I think
  That days could pass
  Like years
  And find ourselves with candour
  Constant thoughts
  And felicity unbound.
  
  Even a simple laugh
  Or a ice mint tea
  With chewed leaves
  Makes me glad
  That the altar of pragmatism
  Has not gotten to you
  And I.
  To the extent that
  We can still drink tea
  And swap jibes
  On lonely Wednesday afternoons.
  
  We gazed at glossy books
  And swapped sandwiches;
  Drank off the joy
  And honesty
  That you and I hold
  So dear.
  Like you.
  
• DeadPoet

  8 Jul 05, 16:51

  Shall we tear this poem into pieces?
• LazerLordz

  8 Jul 05, 17:19

  
• DeadPoet

  9 Jul 05, 02:04

  Will comment on it in the next few days.
• DeadPoet

  23 Jul 05, 18:13

  Originally posted by LazerLordz:

  The Mall-RatÂ’s Love Tail.
  
  I laid my eyes on you
  And never did I think
  That days could pass
  Like years
  And find ourselves with candour
  Constant thoughts
  And felicity unbound.
  
  Even a simple laugh
  Or a ice mint tea
  With chewed leaves
  Makes me glad
  That the altar of pragmatism
  Has not gotten to you
  And I.
  To the extent that
  We can still drink tea
  And swap jibes
  On lonely Wednesday afternoons.
  
  We gazed at glossy books
  And swapped sandwiches;
  Drank off the joy
  And honesty
  That you and I hold
  So dear.
  Like you.
  

  I rather like the sound of this poem and its simplicity; just like the relationship between the narrator and his/her friend.
  
  My only problem with this poem is its closing. I am not sure if it is a happy or sad ending. And “Like you” seems a bit out of place to me.
  
  As for the rest, I think it is quite well-written.
  
  Thanks for the read.
  
• LazerLordz

  2 Aug 05, 13:01

  Originally posted by DeadPoet:

  I rather like the sound of this poem and its simplicity; just like the relationship between the narrator and his/her friend.
  
  My only problem with this poem is its closing. I am not sure if it is a happy or sad ending. And “Like you” seems a bit out of place to me.
  
  As for the rest, I think it is quite well-written.
  
  Thanks for the read.
  

  Thanks man!
  
  She's my girl now
• tare

  2 Aug 05, 13:16

  Originally posted by LazerLordz:

  Thanks man!
  
  She's my girl now

  aaaaahhh.... this could be good publicity for the Poetry Writing workshop....
  
  Learn how to write a poem and Win the gal's heart!!!