July Poetry Exercise
-
Write a short poem without the letter ‘e’, excluding the title.
This was the theme for our first competition last year. Below are the two winning poems by True_Xerion (81) & tare (Last Kiss), not bad right?
81
As forlorn moon in a wayward sky falls,
a solitary shadow across unlit park cuts.
in shabby garb, bag in hand.
anguish in his drifting orbs.
sanctuary a cold husk,
family shuns infirmity.
dismal thoughts,
castaway.
Last Kiss
in your bossom I lay,
with nothing in our way,
looking into your soul,
and finds a gal untold,
that gal whom i'm not,
holds you in a knot,
I hold back my sorrow,
and kiss you with no tomorrow.
Want to give it a try?
Hint: It will be easier if you write in free verse. -
Tough leh, e is the most used alphabet
-
hanor...even 'E-diot' oso canot use...Originally posted by The man who was death:Tough leh, e is the most used alphabet
-
Originally posted by pipi & poot-poot:hanor...even 'E-diot' oso canot use...
u say i e-diot? 
-
keke...dun b over-sensitiveOriginally posted by The man who was death: u say i e-diot? -
Wash my sin
Fluid pours out quickly,
as a cloud unlocks itÂ’s tap.
A child runs out and plays,
unafraid of catching a chill.
Can I go back to that day,
and undo my sin?
This harsh rain cannot purify,
nor wash blood off my hands.
Fluid pours our quickly,
right out of a liquor glass.
My salvation for tonight,
And for tomorrow too. -
Not easy, maybe that is why only a few participated back then.Originally posted by The man who was death:Tough leh, e is the most used alphabet
But frankly, it is not too difficult either especially if you write in free verse. This is just an exercise, donÂ’t have to take it too seriously.
For example this one I wrote for this exercise,
Young Knight
I hunt, high dragons
with mighty wings
and knock
nasty mountain trolls
with iron fists.
I kill clumsy giants
that snatch humans for lunch
And vicious villains
that rob country folks for fun.
But just a light kiss
from you my fair
I turn soft
and blush.
-
Not bad, not bad at all.Originally posted by SingaporeMacross:Wash my sin
Fluid pours out quickly,
as a cloud unlocks itÂ’s tap.
A child runs out and plays,
unafraid of catching a chill.
Can I go back to that day,
and undo my sin?
This harsh rain cannot purify,
nor wash blood off my hands.
Fluid pours our quickly,
right out of a liquor glass.
My salvation for tonight,
And for tomorrow too. -
DP .. i totally forgot wat i wrote and how i win the 1st DPS until i see tis!
this one har... not easy.... need inspiration, out of stock.... must wait for next shipment.... -
got more in depth comments? it was a rushed job.Originally posted by DeadPoet:Not bad, not bad at all. -
You must post a comment in my blog first.Originally posted by SingaporeMacross:got more in depth comments? it was a rushed job.
-
You have a whole month to post one. Take your time.Originally posted by tare:DP .. i totally forgot wat i wrote and how i win the 1st DPS until i see tis!
this one har... not easy.... need inspiration, out of stock.... must wait for next shipment.... -
No E not Easy.
-
This is quite a difficult exercise so I really do not expect much from you guys which is also why I am not going too in-depth.Originally posted by SingaporeMacross:Wash my sin
Fluid pours out quickly,
as a cloud unlocks itÂ’s tap.
A child runs out and plays,
unafraid of catching a chill.
Can I go back to that day,
and undo my sin?
This harsh rain cannot purify,
nor wash blood off my hands.
Fluid pours our quickly,
right out of a liquor glass.
My salvation for tonight,
And for tomorrow too.
To start off, I don’t really like the word “Fluid.” In my opinion, it is too general, maybe the word “rain” instead? (Did you do that on purpose because you want to show that the same word has a different meaning?)
Why “a cloud?” and not “clouds?” Why the stress on that particular cloud?
It should be “its” (L2) and not “it’s.”
Do you mean “out?” (L9)
Drop “for” & “too.” (L12)
Overall in term of image you have done a fine job. However, you can still be more specific. For example you can expand the word “play” i.e. play what? Hide and seek? Catching? And since you are attempting to write free verse (are you?) why not take this opportunity to play with linebreaks?
I like this poem because I think it got potential. Maybe you can rewrite it, this time without the constraint. Good luck. -
Poem: Untitled [actually cos i can't think of a title help??!!]
Moon shining in twililght,
Not a star in sight,
Isolation.
Gazing out into nothing,
Too much on my mind,
Insomnia.
Plush toy in my bossom,
Oblivious to my pain,
Ignorant.
Visions of him in sin city,
Along with illicit company,
Immorality.
Fibs and bulls told too many,
Soon lost its coaxing,
Insouciant. -
Hmmm..more specific... Yeah, people often say that my poems are too general.Originally posted by DeadPoet:This is quite a difficult exercise so I really do not expect much from you guys which is also why I am not going too in-depth.
To start off, I don’t really like the word “Fluid.” In my opinion, it is too general, maybe the word “rain” instead? (Did you do that on purpose because you want to show that the same word has a different meaning?)
Why “a cloud?” and not “clouds?” Why the stress on that particular cloud?
It should be “its” (L2) and not “it’s.”
Do you mean “out?” (L9)
Drop “for” & “too.” (L12)
Overall in term of image you have done a fine job. However, you can still be more specific. For example you can expand the word “play” i.e. play what? Hide and seek? Catching? And since you are attempting to write free verse (are you?) why not take this opportunity to play with linebreaks?
I like this poem because I think it got potential. Maybe you can rewrite it, this time without the constraint. Good luck. -
Do keep writing!Originally posted by SingaporeMacross:Hmmm..more specific... Yeah, people often say that my poems are too general. -
I am trying hard,
oh!so hard to craft
this little ditty about
joy
ambition
sobs
and Kodak flops.
And also to sound-off ,
about a girl
who sat with yours truly
all through the
dastardly film
that burnt an unhappy gap
in my urban assault kit. -
enjoyed ur little dittyOriginally posted by LazerLordz:I am trying hard,
oh!so hard to craft
this little ditty about
joy
ambition
sobs
and Kodak flops.
And also to sound-off ,
about a girl
who sat with yours truly
all through the
dastardly film
that burnt an unhappy gap
in my urban assault kit. -
Here's my little poem for July exercise. Came back from work one night and was inspired to write this. No eeeees
------------------------------------
==========
= Dark =
==========
at my corridor
door 2 a.m.
thought i saw things
unholy
a shadow
gliding
at a lift landing
as a dog howls,
distant
its cry primordial, pining
is it
a malignant spirit
that Kallang lady
watching?
rabid hounds bark again
now a cat joins in
night sounds cutting
through
humid
air,
painful
tinny.
as i walk into a warm room
to a hot bath
to wash away
night's dark...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
08.07.05 -
Ooh thanks mate.Originally posted by dsnake1:enjoyed ur little ditty -
Originally posted by dsnake1:
frankly the poem
Here's my little poem for July exercise. Came back from work one night and was inspired to write this. No eeeees
------------------------------------
==========
= [b]Dark =
==========
at my corridor
door 2 a.m.
thought i saw things
unholy
a shadow
gliding
at a lift landing
as a dog howls,
distant
its cry primordial, pining
is it
a malignant spirit
that Kallang lady
watching?
rabid hounds bark again
now a cat joins in
night sounds cutting
through
humid
air,
painful
tinny.
as i walk into a warm room
to a hot bath
to wash away
night's dark...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
08.07.05[/b]
is quite nice, but
i am
a little
disturbed by
the
line
breaks...
is this
really
necessary?
enlighten
me pls
the last stenza hmmm... i dun get it.... wat r u trying to say? -
Cute little piece.Originally posted by LazerLordz:I am trying hard,
oh!so hard to craft
this little ditty about
joy
ambition
sobs
and Kodak flops.
And also to sound-off ,
about a girl
who sat with yours truly
all through the
dastardly film
that burnt an unhappy gap
in my urban assault kit. -
Hi tare
i am experimenting with line breaks in an open poetry form. I think it is quite necessary.
"night sounds cutting
through
humid
air,
painful
tinny. "
what u see here is all the lines left-justified. If i displayed it as a web page, or a word document uwill see a lot of white space. this gives an illusion of space and time., something like..
night sounds cutting
------------------through
------------------------humid
--------------------------air,
--------------------painful,
----------------tinny.
imagine the --- are white space. we are supposed to pause slightly when encountering white space while reading a poem. this gives an illusion of time, it takes u longer to read the lines.
No understand the last stanza? It must be bad, huh? What i was trying to convey was, it was creepy in the corridor outside. Thus i was glad to be in a "warm room", took a bath to cleanse whatever evil that i may have encountered.
I guess it would be better if not constricted by non-usage of "e". -
Originally posted by dsnake1:
Supposed to be like this,
Here's my little poem for July exercise. Came back from work one night and was inspired to write this. No eeeees
------------------------------------
==========
= [b]Dark =
==========
at my corridor
door 2 a.m.
thought i saw things
unholy
a shadow
gliding
at a lift landing
as a dog howls,
distant
its cry primordial, pining
is it
a malignant spirit
that Kallang lady
watching?
rabid hounds bark again
now a cat joins in
night sounds cutting
through
humid
air,
painful
tinny.
as i walk into a warm room
to a hot bath
to wash away
night's dark...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
08.07.05[/b]
at my corridor
......... door 2 a.m.
............. thought i saw things
..................... unholy
a shadow
....... gliding
........... at a lift landing
as a dog howls,
..... distant
......... its cry primordial, pining
is it
a malignant spirit
....... that Kallang lady
.............. watching?
rabid hounds bark again
... now a cat joins in
night sounds cutting
through
....... humid
........... air,
........... painful
........... tinny.
as i walk into a warm room
to a hot bath
to wash away
night's dark...