First poem
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This isn't exactly my first poem, but this is one of those that really came from the heart. No patterns or whatever...just raw emotion...tell me what you think of it.
Why can't i just fly away?
Why do I feel so caged?
Why canÂ’t I just fly away?
Must I harden my heart?
Must I stay so numb?
To stay sane
I must cut
Feelings and emotions
Rather than keep than all wrapped up
IÂ’d rather feel numb
The pain is only temporary
But the numbness
Will it remain?
When it sets in, I can bear the pain
Without it what would I become?
What can I do to feel alive again?
What must I do to feel alive again?
I long for life, for freedom
Everyday, I long to be set free
From this seemingly endless misery
When will my day come?
How much more must I take?
Why canÂ’t this all end now?
Why canÂ’t I just fly away? -
Here's another one fresh from the oven...
Dying Inside
Tears welled up inside
Tears I always hide
Why do I feel this way?
There are things I just canÂ’t say
From time to time I have tried
To surface these emotions that I always hide
But they are simply too painful when they show
Or maybe I just donÂ’t want to know
How it feels like when I explore fully
What they mean, truly
IÂ’ve probably tried and failed
One too many times but to no avail
Am I afraid that they will swallow?
Me up or leave me hollow?
Or have I simply chosen this way
To let the pain just slip away
The result is being numb
Intellectually smart, but emotionally dumb
That is just so not me
IÂ’m turning into an emotional zombie
By choosing not to feel, IÂ’ve become so dead
And yet, I still dread
To feel the way I feel inside
But what else can I do to hide
All the frustration, anger and hurt
Keeps building up without an outlet
How much more can I take before I die?
All I know now is that I just want to fly
Away from all this hurt and emotion
Out and away, across the ocean
To a place where I can be truly free
Free from all this misery -
i prefer the 2nd poem... it err.. sounds better?
but hor... dun be tat negative ya?
emotions must be released,
pain must be faced,
dun give up on urself,
for truly freedom will one day come....
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I also prefer the second poem.
If you are serious in writing good poetry, you need to do more reading. Try reading contemporary poetry for a start.
If you are just writing as a sort of diary entry or straight from the heart, then these two poems are good enough.
Good luck. -
Hi Othello_RedOriginally posted by Othello_Red:Here's another one fresh from the oven...
Dying Inside
Tears welled up inside
Tears I always hide
Why do I feel this way?
There are things I just canÂ’t say
From time to time I have tried
To surface these emotions that I always hide
But they are simply too painful when they show
Or maybe I just donÂ’t want to know
How it feels like when I explore fully
What they mean, truly
IÂ’ve probably tried and failed
One too many times but to no avail
Am I afraid that they will swallow?
Me up or leave me hollow?
Or have I simply chosen this way
To let the pain just slip away
The result is being numb
Intellectually smart, but emotionally dumb
That is just so not me
IÂ’m turning into an emotional zombie
By choosing not to feel, IÂ’ve become so dead
And yet, I still dread
To feel the way I feel inside
But what else can I do to hide
All the frustration, anger and hurt
Keeps building up without an outlet
How much more can I take before I die?
All I know now is that I just want to fly
Away from all this hurt and emotion
Out and away, across the ocean
To a place where I can be truly free
Free from all this misery
I find ur poems a bit too angry and unhappy. U r expressing ur emotions well, but i think that it would be better if u use some images. Good effort though. If u r serious about writing good poetry, read more, learn abt techniques. I recommend this site
Academy of American Poets
Go look for Sylvia Plath, she's more angry than u!
Poetry do give us solace in terrible times, but follow tare's advice.
hope it helps.
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Thanks for all ur comments...i don't think i'll take up poetry seriously for now. What i write is straight from the heart, hence the huge negativity. Anyways...i myself also fancy the second one more...but it is strange that i can actually write poems...i've always been leaning more to the sciences, and arts has never been my forte...well...some things you just don't know about yourself...
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You will never know unless you try.Originally posted by Othello_Red:Thanks for all ur comments...i don't think i'll take up poetry seriously for now. What i write is straight from the heart, hence the huge negativity. Anyways...i myself also fancy the second one more...but it is strange that i can actually write poems...i've always been leaning more to the sciences, and arts has never been my forte...well...some things you just don't know about yourself...
I hated Lit. during my 'O' Levels. My "best" subject was Geography.