June Poetry Exercise
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"in memory of what love could be.." that's a good one.Originally posted by SilverRevo:my inspiration?
oh ... kinda like saying whether should my feelings die ...
because love is kind of hopeless ...
so it's .. in memory of what love could be ...
yeah, it sort of describe your poem. -
I need to work also leh friend.Originally posted by The man who was death:He's now more interested in his blog than being on here
Being doing OT for the past few weeks. Of course now need to maintain my blog too lah.
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Will read them during work tomorrow.Originally posted by tare:harlo dun just read, u supposed to comment one!
Don't tell my boss okay.
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Personally I try avoiding using abstractions and clichés because I hope some of my poems will get published one day.Originally posted by KittynMeow:hehehe.... that's called knowing oneself.... kekekeke
If I just write for fun or to share with friends I also include them in my poems. Poets just want to have fun right? -
The Poetry Writing Workshop will be our next outing.Originally posted by tare:i tried... but hor the most important part kinda lost its edge when translated ....
maybe when DP FINALLY ORGANISE THE OUTING, we can have a poem reading session......
ooh i'm not yelling at u, i'm shouting DP CAN SEE TIS MSG!!! 
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Good suggestion!!!Originally posted by The man who was death:If DP don't organise, u organise lah -
YupOriginally posted by dsnake1:thanks tare. flavour lost in translation, hor?
as for outing, maybe DP already planning something?
Poetry Writing Workshop. 
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Originally posted by The man who was death:I think DP busy zuo ai zuo de shi with his wife
~check for hidden camera~ -
Must there be consideration to pace and prose?
No haiku rhythm thingo either yes?
Late night effort.
it is called, The Last Minute Thesis
As she sat by the edge of my mind,
Fat and Bloated, she grew larger
her expression candid her smile cruel
alas, the (w)horror! Insurmountable!
her tendrils of guilt trailed
latching on my view of the world
tainting my experiences
like a rot, my spirit suffered
A sphinx, her questions ambiguous
many riddles to come, i passed not one!
with despondence i whimpered
she could not care less.
oh no not her
my resolve sparked a-fire
I entered her between lines
her body paper soft transcribed
Desperation, thou art in words -
win liao lor.... then pls mail me the prizeOriginally posted by DeadPoet:The Poetry Writing Workshop will be our next outing. 
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I think this poem has potential.Originally posted by fudgester:The Jetty
The jetty
Stretching out into the wide blue ocean beyond
A vision for the aspiring man
Wishing for something more
Out of life
Out of the world
Men tossing their nets into the sea
A search for untold treasures
For untold wonders
Swimming freely in the crystal blue seas
For the chance to be someone
Who can do what has to be done.
The sun soon sinks and darkness falls
Stars shine brightly in the night
The full moon rises, shining rays of hope
Illuminating the majestic jetty
Standing proudly in the distance
Reaching out into the sea.
P.S. Will this do?
I like the last three lines, i.e.
"Illuminating the majestic jetty
Standing proudly in the distance
Reaching out into the sea."
You might want to polish it up a bit.
Good luck. -
Welcome to DPS (S) SilverRevo!Originally posted by SilverRevo:is the song hazard ? i roughly remember the plot in a nebraska town ... haha
Let me see .. can i try ? haha .. i'm just only in sec school ...
Title : Requiescat In Pace , my heart
Since dawn of my conscience , my soul desires.
This entity , immaculate and sweet to bring joy to me.
Her golden threads , glistening bright flowing hair sways.
Her sparkling eyes , ever limpid as though proclaming her innocence.
Her raiment of pure white , ever so tempted to taint.
Her soft caress , exerts but a gentility only she is able of.
She is infallible , scintillatingly equal to true cleverness.
She speaks , with the voice of my love , music to the ears.
I covet her yet she does not belong to me.
Forever and ever , beyond and after , I shall always love you.
oops , done a intangible thing instead ...
I did my rendition of love , it's clean okay!
Are you taking Lit in school? Nice piece you have here but it is a bit too abstract for me.
But don't worry, keep writing. -
Welcome to DPS (S) ShrodingersCat!Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:Contact Lens
Barely there
you tremble, glistening with the promises of clarity
sitting on the tip of my finger
Almost there
I tremble, my trepidation and terror betrayed as
my finger travels its purposeful journey
Getting No where
as, with a flicker of lashes,
you decide to fall
and I, decisively, fail
There is something in this poem that catches my attention.
My suggestions,
Play with the linebreaks.
Read it aloud to feel the pace.
Add in concrete images.
Be precise. -
Welcome SilverRevo and SchrodingersCat
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The night feels more than black
O how empty looks my sack
Fill it with pillows?
Or maybe my aching elbows?
Now one and all I bid adieu
Morning's call coming soon I feel. -
Dear SingaporeMacross,Originally posted by SingaporeMacross:M-16 Rifle
She lay there standing in the rack,
side by side with the other ladies.
A metal chain put through their trigger-guards,
today would be a day of action.
Fall in! Attention! Shoulder Arms!
Present Arms! Semula! Knock it down!
The weight of a woman rests on my hands,
as the smell of gun oil mingles with sweat.
Parade dayÂ’s here, our time has come,
We don our white gloves immaculate.
Yesterday we wear blue, today we wear white,
To much the crowdÂ’s delight.
And when the time comes we lift our guns,
See them rise into the air.
The weapons come down nicely in place;
An approving look on SirÂ’s face!
Parade is over and we keep our rifles,
We finally take our rest.
But back at the stockade the armourers exclaim,
My God, what a mess!
I think you are on the right track.
You have quite an interesting piece here. (Although it can be more interesting)
Check out the poems written by Alvin Pang and Gilbert Koh. Learn from them.
Keep writing!
P.S. Try writing a few poems without rhyme. Focus instead on linebreaks, and the sound of the poem, not forgetting the images too. -
To me, the most important part of a poem is its ending.Originally posted by dsnake1:
My little piece for the June exercise.
A Father's Day Card
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It was just a yellowed card,
the letter cutouts that were pasted,
a bit askew,
the bunny and teddies,
a tad funny,
and on the paper a finger smudge.
No, I won't changed it for any present,
it was a gift from the heart.
"Dear Daddy, I wish you a Happy Father's Day"
it merely said,
lovingly made and written
by an eight year old innocent.
And when she handed it to me,
her eyes bright and smiling,
both little hands outstretched,
her words a torrent of love,
it was a lighthouse shinning
over uncertain seas
This card will keep reminding
the world is never perfect
but is always worth living.
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Although it must also have a great start to catch my attention. This poem has both.
If you don't mind me saying this my friend, drop the second strophe. Touch up the rest of the poem and you will have a fine piece here.
Thanks for the read! -
Originally posted by KittynMeow:
Nice read Kitty.
[b]Paper Cranes
One for the day when we first met,
Two for days we spend as friends.
Three for days of fun and laughter,
Four for days of chatting till the dayÂ’s end.
Five for weeks of meeting for movies,
Ten for weeks of outings and dining.
Fifteen for weeks of deeper understanding,
Twenty for weeks of knowing each otherÂ’s mind.
Ten for months of wondering if thereÂ’s more,
Twenty for months of being unsure.
Thirty for months of honeymoon coupledom,
Forty for months of just being together.
Twenty for the hours we spent apart,
Forty for the hours doubt left its mark.
Sixty for the hours tears fell on their own,
Eighty for the hours of knowing it's not meant to be.
And five for the loving memory of the one we love most,
365 paper cranes in a bottle.
I know i know... its full of cliches etc... but that's what exercise is for... practice!! kekeke... anyway, was just trying to be clever with words and numbers... heh....[/b]
Just a suggestion, why not rearrange it to hours, days, weeks, months instead of the current days, weeks, months, hours arrangement?
Or maybe you have a reason for the current arrangement? -
You can say that again.Originally posted by Camellias4me:Hao "shi qing hua yi"... u'r good! -
Don't like that lah. I really busy this month leh.Originally posted by tare:win liao lor.... then pls mail me the prize -
Welcome to DPS (S) panicTheory!Originally posted by panicTheory:Must there be consideration to pace and prose?
No haiku rhythm thingo either yes?
Late night effort.
it is called, The Last Minute Thesis
As she sat by the edge of my mind,
Fat and Bloated, she grew larger
her expression candid her smile cruel
alas, the (w)horror! Insurmountable!
her tendrils of guilt trailed
latching on my view of the world
tainting my experiences
like a rot, my spirit suffered
A sphinx, her questions ambiguous
many riddles to come, i passed not one!
with despondence i whimpered
she could not care less.
oh no not her
my resolve sparked a-fire
I entered her between lines
her body paper soft transcribed
Desperation, thou art in words
Please don't panic after reading my comment.
Frankly I lost it after L2.
Then these two lines caught my attention
"entered her between lines
her body paper soft transcribed"
which I think are great.
The problem with this poem is, I am not too sure what you are trying to convey here. Maybe you can help me out here?
Thanks. -
Good night and sweet dream LazerLordz.Originally posted by LazerLordz:The night feels more than black
O how empty looks my sack
Fill it with pillows?
Or maybe my aching elbows?
Now one and all I bid adieu
Morning's call coming soon I feel. -
Im conveying exactly what the title implies.Originally posted by DeadPoet:Welcome to DPS (S) panicTheory!
Please don't panic after reading my comment.
Frankly I lost it after L2.
Then these two lines caught my attention
"entered her between lines
her body paper soft transcribed"
which I think are great.
The problem with this poem is, I am not too sure what you are trying to convey here. Maybe you can help me out here?
Thanks. Simplicity on primal flow. I have feminized the assault on my spirit, and "she" is none other than my thesis paper that I have to do.
The first verse entails the apprehension and subsequent daunting task of starting the essay as its way overdue.
To combat such stress I have resolved to heading to the bar with some friends. And I saw "her" in the hands of people walking by, on the posters of the streets, in the toilet signs. She was everywhere.
The third verse is about her wholeness and composition. Im drawing on ancient imagery to further describe the difficulty of the challenge as well as her cruel disregard for my feelings. That paper tyrant!
4th verse. In a fit of resilience and diligence, I started to delve into her inner workings to solve the question put before me. "I entered her between lines. her body paper soft transcribed" Which I may sadly report, not to much success. Its been 8000 words since last night and about 2000 words to go. Woop de doo!
Desperation, thou art in words -
the current arrangement is deliberate.... because I was trying to bring across the impression that a relationship built up over long periods of time can easily break down in an instant....days, weeks, months of happiness can be forgotten in a matter of hours when doubt sets in....Originally posted by DeadPoet:Nice read Kitty.
Just a suggestion, why not rearrange it to hours, days, weeks, months instead of the current days, weeks, months, hours arrangement?
Or maybe you have a reason for the current arrangement? -
Wah liow... after reading this... I'm starting to PANIC!!! I haven't really started writing my dissertation yet and I'm supposed to finish the whole project (including research, surveys, interviews) by September!!! SH|T!!Originally posted by panicTheory:Must there be consideration to pace and prose?
No haiku rhythm thingo either yes?
Late night effort.
it is called, The Last Minute Thesis
As she sat by the edge of my mind,
Fat and Bloated, she grew larger
her expression candid her smile cruel
alas, the (w)horror! Insurmountable!
her tendrils of guilt trailed
latching on my view of the world
tainting my experiences
like a rot, my spirit suffered
A sphinx, her questions ambiguous
many riddles to come, i passed not one!
with despondence i whimpered
she could not care less.
oh no not her
my resolve sparked a-fire
I entered her between lines
her body paper soft transcribed
Desperation, thou art in words