Smile

• Tragic Clown

  20 Dec 04, 01:03

  
  Bending double
  folded over myself
  aches my back
  but it is nothing
  to the ache
  you left in front of me
  
  physical pain
  simple and clean
  keep all those sharp objects
  away from me
  
  Knife
  Scalpel
  Stiletto
  Scimitar
  Blade, blade, blade
  
  why, some of them are even smiling
  Once there were pictures on Russian TV
  of a massacre
  a young woman's throat, cut
  and her smaller, gentle smile above.
  
• DeadPoet

  20 Dec 04, 02:30

  Hello Tragic Clown, welcome to DPS (S)
  
  I have some questions regarding your poem. Firstly, how are stanzas 1-3 related to stanza 4?
  
  There is a smooth flow between stanzas 1-3 but I kind of got stuck in stanza 4. It is like you are watching some interesting progrmme and someone (my wife in my case) suddenly change channel to another show. Ever the length of the lines change, giving me a impression, using TV programme as example again, as if I am watching something from normal speed to slow motion. Any reason for that?
  
  Secondly, in my opinion stanza 4 by itself can be a very powerful short poem. But can you explain the last line i.e. ‘and her smaller, gentle smile above’?
  
  If you use the cut (on a throat) to represent a smile it will provoke a very powerful image and this can suggest many things. Apply to your poem the cut on her throat may be a deep wide one in contrast with the smaller, gentle smile above (on her face).
  
  Is this what you are trying to present here?