To The Living
-
To The Living
Sitting
Thinking
Things might have been
Different
From what
They currently are
Thinking
Feeling
The organ of fire
An everlasting emptiness
Burning passions
Lingering desires
Feeling
Crying
Tears
The stream of the soul
Wherever
It may wish to lead
Crying
Kneeling
Forgiveness
For weakness is
A human attribute
A flaw
Kneeling
Hoping
Granted
It shall be
To the deserving
To the living -
To be frank when I first read this poem, I don't really like it.Originally posted by fudgester:To The Living
Sitting
Thinking
Things might have been
Different
From what
They currently are
Thinking
Feeling
The organ of fire
An everlasting emptiness
Burning passions
Lingering desires
Feeling
Crying
Tears
The stream of the soul
Wherever
It may wish to lead
Crying
Kneeling
Forgiveness
For weakness is
A human attribute
A flaw
Kneeling
Hoping
Granted
It shall be
To the deserving
To the living
But after reading it the second time, hey, not too bad, actually very good.
This is a very creative write.
At first you are (Sitting) than you begin to think (Thinking), when you think you tend to feel (Feeling), something trigger you off, you get emotional and you start to cry (Crying) and you kneel (Kneeling) down and pray to seek forgiveness and hope (Hoping). Cool.
And the other thing I like is that each action is followed by a short description of the action. It is like a series of Haikus linking together.
Well done! -
One last thing I want to add. By linking the two actions together, they reinforced each other and thus intensify our reading experience.
Sitting
Thinking
Thinking
Feeling
Feeling
Crying
Crying
Kneeling
Kneeling
Hoping
Take a closer look. You can see the built-up of the emotions.
-
To be frank with you.... I myself am not oo sure of what I was writing about.
I was doing medical centre duty one day (I was a medic back in NS).
I was really bored..... and I was sitting outside the medical centre admiring the moonlight.
Somehow, the poem just came to me.
Do you guys experience that sort of things too? -
i like