Declaration of Mental Condition at SAF MMI

• seekingguidance

  20 Apr 08, 05:05

  Hi everyone.

  Thank you for all your input, kind or unkind. I appreciate the fact that you guys actually take time to read through everything and make comments.

  I have gone to SAF MMI and I have seen the head of the PCC. He established that he was not there to diagnose me, that he believes I'm ill, and that he will function as a troubleshooter of my problems --to see how he can help make NS more bearable for me. He sent my superiors emails to explain my condition and also to manpower to list me as a bonus staff. I have been on MC for 4 weeks as of now.

  If you believe in medical science, then please continue reading. If you do not, or if you think I am chao-kenging, or have nothing constructive to say, please stop commenting.

  I have been told that some middle part of my brain, that is related to regulating feelings, is down. As a result, I cannot process feelings well. The 'green uniform' (to quote one of you) is indeed one of the things that have become a phobia and the sight and thought of it makes me want to throw up. It's due to some connection between the middle brain or limbic system or whatever and the brain stem which controls the body. And that is why I have been put on MC. I'm sorry I can't explain the whole concept well because I'm not a medical student. It does sound like a lot of smoke, I know.

  Anyway, the pdoc at MMI has been very nice and helpful and I appreciate the way he is going about trying to solve the problem. I have been further downgraded to PES E9 and have been excused from all night duties. I think I saw the doctor put a check in the box for psychotic illnesses or something for my case. I know that I am ill, but it has been recognised --by me, my own doctor, and the MMI doctor --that certain environments can trigger or worsen it, and one of such environments would be army. I have also decided that it is of no concern if I cannot work in the civil service, because I would not be able to tolerate such an environment anyway, and vice versa.

  1. In response to cookiecookie's very unkind remark about my coping abilities, I would like to say that it is true that I can function in some places and not others. I maintain that. And in light of that, the doctor at MMI also gave me pointers as to what areas I may excel in. Yes, I know that there may be other triggers lying out there waiting, but I know which places may possibly have more, and so I may be able to avoid them. Also, I never said that I do not need treatment. I just initially wanted to escape detection if possible, and just seek help from my own doctor.
     
     cookiecookie, from your response I can see that you are a Christian. While I apologise for my previous words against you, I would also like you to take a moment to ponder over what you have said. Perhaps as a christian, or even as a person, you would like to be more open-minded to possibilities and not assume that everything has to fit one way or another, arbitrarily, into categories of 'what must crack a person'. Some people crack when faced with failed relationships but remain resilient under pressure, for example. As such, please do not jump to the conclusion that I necessarily crack under 'stress and pressure', especially when you are neither a doctor nor a psychologist. In fact, you would not be able to pass such a judgment even if you were, without seeing me first. For me, it is not the mental stress per se, but the whole environment. Please get that clear.
     
     You take it that clerks go through mental stress in army and therefore, if they 'cannot take it', it has to be resistance against mental stress. But I'm telling you it might not be so. If you still choose to believe in what you want to believe, go ahead, but don't insist on your idea here in the thread.
     
     Take the example of a gay man serving his NS as a clerk. He might face problems if he is placed in a camp such as, say, Tekong, where everyone around him is male. Let's not delve into the details as to what kind of problems he might face, but in the event that he snaps, would it necessarily be due to the kind of 'mental stress' that you say clerks purportedly go through? Does this mean that he cannot function in civil service? No... even SM Goh had previously said that homosexuality can be tolerated in the civil service. In fact, there are gay teachers who are experts in their respective fields. Why is it that some gays cannot take the army but do so well out there in society? Many excel in the arts and have made names for themselves. I'm sure there are 'pressures' and 'mental stress' in such fields too. Why is it then that they can cope?
     
     I'm not here to win an argument, cookiecookie. I am here to, firstly, fight for what I believe is true in my situation since I am the patient and you are some kind of participating audience, and secondly, to suggest to you something. My point is that I think you should not see the world in a fixed model, as there is no one-size-fits-all explanation for, or solution to a problem. I understand that you might feel the need to reply now and rebutt all that I have said, but once again, they are but suggestions. I have not forced my views upon you, except the part where I strongly feel I have to clarify issues on my own medical condition. So, please, try not to dictate what my problem must be. I know this is a free-for-all forum where we can all air our opinions, and I'd like you to be a bit more careful with your words in your next post. Thank you.
     
     
  2. To shade343's comment ' They are just mentally unfit for NS. lol....' Yes. While you might have said it out of mockery, you are unintentionally right. It is true.
     
     
  3. To Chelzea: It is not impossible for someone who is mentally unfit in army to complete his studies. I complained to MMI and my own pdoc about how people always tell me 'bullshit la you mentally ill please lor you did so well for your PSLE, O Levels and A Levels' and their response is that different parts of the brain are affected. As long as you are not schizophrenic or suffering from something similiar which damages the cortex (don't know if it's prefrontal or cerebral I'm not a medical student).
     

  I do not care if you guys believe me when I say that my problem is an illness, but is particularly bad in regimental institutions. MMI took my long absence from school as evidence of my inability to fit into regimental, uniformed bodies. In fact they were so nice as to offer me the option to be discharged if I feel that I really cannot take the environment. This may sound like bullshit, but MMI has a category of patients who have an 'artistic / creative approach to life' (I paraphrase from medical records and also from a powerpoint presentation by head psych MMI which you can find online; I can give you the link) and on a case by case basis, patients may be suitable for discharge. You might say 'eh grow up lah you think this is your father's army is it' but if MMI has recognised such people as a legitimate group and have stated to me that I just may not fit in the army, perhaps it's time for you to 'wake up your idea'.

  Basically, MMI asked me what they could do for me, and when I said I didn't know what they were capable of, they offered me many options, including change of office / change of job but in same camp / change of camp and I am very grateful. Yes, I admit that I was afraid of detection and while some of you have slammed me and said that escaping detection was what I trying to achieve, I would like to say that I have never hidden my intention to not leave a black mark. Perhaps if it happened to you, you would understand my dilemma. Now that I have such assurances from MMI, I feel a lot better --it's like having a safety net.

  During the session at MMI I brought up my concerns regarding medical records, prevailing attitudes towards SAF psychiatrists, online forums such as sgForums and other stuff, no holds barred. I also asked if it was possible to wear civilian clothing as that is the practice at some places i.e. parts of CMPB and MINDEF. The doctor's response was that there's supposed to be no such allowance, so he's going to check it out. (I think I might have gotten some people into trouble) It was a brutally honest conversation, and I also asked if it is true that MMI is very strict with the PES F grading and require P cases to be warded for observation prior to the grading decision. The reply was that MMI receives quite a number of cases of people who try to fake their way through, and I guess cases that sprout out during NS are supposedly more doubtful. I enjoyed my conversation at MMI, it really cleared up a lot of misconceptions that we usually have about MMI. It was a relatively pleasant session.

  I shall end here. And I quote doctor, '...like a square plug trying to fit into a round hole' (on my being in army)

  p.s. I know that I should seek help and not dodge detection if my condition is real, but for genuine p-cases like me, sometimes we can't help but feel that we want to remain as inconspicuous as possible, though we fail. I do not expect you to fully understand as you probably are not a p-case.