>>The Art of Not Being Offended<<
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The Art of Not Being Offended
By Dr. Jodi Prinzivalli
There is an ancient and well-kept secret to happiness which the Great Ones have known for centuries. They rarely talk about it, but they use it all the time, and it is fundamental to good mental health. This secret is called The Fine Art of Not Being Offended. In order to truly be a master of this art, one must be able to see that every statement, action and reaction of another human being is the sum result of their total life experience to date.
In other words, the majority of people in our world say and do what they do from their own set of fears, conclusions, defenses and attempts to survive. Most of it, even when aimed directly at us, has nothing to do with us. Usually, it has more to do with all the other times, and in particular the first few times, that this person experienced a similar situation, usually when they were young.
Yes, this is psychodynamic. But letÂ’s face it, we live in a world where psychodynamics are what make the world go around. An individual who wishes to live successfully in the world as a spiritual person really needs to understand that psychology is as spiritual as prayer. In fact, the word psychology literally means the study of the soul.
All of that said, almost nothing is personal. Even with our closest loved ones, our beloved partners, our children and our friends. We are all swimming in the projections and filters of each otherÂ’s life experiences and often we are just the stand-ins, the chess pieces of life to which our loved ones have their own built-in reactions. This is not to dehumanize life or take away the intimacy from our relationships, but mainly for us to know that almost every time we get offended, we are actually just in a misunderstanding.
A true embodiment of this idea actually allows for more intimacy and less suffering throughout all of our relationships. When we know that we are just the one who happens to be standing in the right place at the right psychodynamic time for someone to say or do what they are doing—we don’t have to take life personally. If it weren’t us, it would likely be someone else.
This frees us to be a little more detached from the reactions of people around us. How often do we react to a statement of another by being offended rather than seeing that the other might actually be hurting? In fact, every time we get offended, it is actually an opportunity to extend kindness to one who may be suffering—even if they themselves do not appear that way on the surface. All anger, all acting out, all harshness, all criticism, is in truth a form of suffering. When we provide no Velcro for it to stick, something changes in the world. We do not even have to say a thing. In fact, it is usually better not to say a thing.
People who are suffering on the inside, but not showing it on the outside, are usually not keen on someone pointing out to them that they are suffering. We do not have to be our loved oneÂ’s therapist. We need only understand the situation and move on. In the least, we ourselves experience less suffering and at best, we have a chance to make the world a better place.
This is also not to be confused with allowing ourselves to be hurt, neglected or taken advantage of. True compassion does not allow harm to ourselves either. But when we know that nothing is personal, a magical thing happens. Many of the seeming abusers of the world start to leave our lives. Once we are conscious, so-called abuse can only happen if we believe what the other is saying. When we know nothing is personal, we also do not end up feeling abused. We can say, “Thank you for sharing,” and move on. We are not hooked by what another does or says, since we know it is not about us.
When we know that our inherent worth is not determined by what another says, does or believes, we can take the world a little less seriously. And if necessary, we can just walk away without creating more misery for ourselves or having to convince the other person that we are good and worthy people.
The great challenge of our world is to live a life of contentment, regardless of what other people do, say, think or believe. The fine art of not being offended is one of the many skills for being a practical mystic. Though it may take a lifetime of practice, it is truly one of the best kept secrets for living a happy life. -
Merry Meet To All,
Any thoughts or comments to share or discuss?
Blessed Be,
Oceanos -
It is hard to control emotions to not be offended.
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Originally posted by OCEANOS:
Well said, well said
[b]The Art of Not Being Offended
By Dr. Jodi Prinzivalli
There is an ancient and well-kept secret to happiness which the Great Ones have known for centuries. They rarely talk about it, but they use it all the time, and it is fundamental to good mental health. This secret is called The Fine Art of Not Being Offended. In order to truly be a master of this art, one must be able to see that every statement, action and reaction of another human being is the sum result of their total life experience to date.
In other words, the majority of people in our world say and do what they do from their own set of fears, conclusions, defenses and attempts to survive. Most of it, even when aimed directly at us, has nothing to do with us. Usually, it has more to do with all the other times, and in particular the first few times, that this person experienced a similar situation, usually when they were young.
Yes, this is psychodynamic. But letÂ’s face it, we live in a world where psychodynamics are what make the world go around. An individual who wishes to live successfully in the world as a spiritual person really needs to understand that psychology is as spiritual as prayer. In fact, the word psychology literally means the study of the soul.
All of that said, almost nothing is personal. Even with our closest loved ones, our beloved partners, our children and our friends. We are all swimming in the projections and filters of each otherÂ’s life experiences and often we are just the stand-ins, the chess pieces of life to which our loved ones have their own built-in reactions. This is not to dehumanize life or take away the intimacy from our relationships, but mainly for us to know that almost every time we get offended, we are actually just in a misunderstanding.
A true embodiment of this idea actually allows for more intimacy and less suffering throughout all of our relationships. When we know that we are just the one who happens to be standing in the right place at the right psychodynamic time for someone to say or do what they are doing—we don’t have to take life personally. If it weren’t us, it would likely be someone else.
This frees us to be a little more detached from the reactions of people around us. How often do we react to a statement of another by being offended rather than seeing that the other might actually be hurting? In fact, every time we get offended, it is actually an opportunity to extend kindness to one who may be suffering—even if they themselves do not appear that way on the surface. All anger, all acting out, all harshness, all criticism, is in truth a form of suffering. When we provide no Velcro for it to stick, something changes in the world. We do not even have to say a thing. In fact, it is usually better not to say a thing.
People who are suffering on the inside, but not showing it on the outside, are usually not keen on someone pointing out to them that they are suffering. We do not have to be our loved oneÂ’s therapist. We need only understand the situation and move on. In the least, we ourselves experience less suffering and at best, we have a chance to make the world a better place.
This is also not to be confused with allowing ourselves to be hurt, neglected or taken advantage of. True compassion does not allow harm to ourselves either. But when we know that nothing is personal, a magical thing happens. Many of the seeming abusers of the world start to leave our lives. Once we are conscious, so-called abuse can only happen if we believe what the other is saying. When we know nothing is personal, we also do not end up feeling abused. We can say, “Thank you for sharing,” and move on. We are not hooked by what another does or says, since we know it is not about us.
When we know that our inherent worth is not determined by what another says, does or believes, we can take the world a little less seriously. And if necessary, we can just walk away without creating more misery for ourselves or having to convince the other person that we are good and worthy people.
The great challenge of our world is to live a life of contentment, regardless of what other people do, say, think or believe. The fine art of not being offended is one of the many skills for being a practical mystic. Though it may take a lifetime of practice, it is truly one of the best kept secrets for living a happy life.[/b]
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hmmm
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Anything you need clarification on?Originally posted by bladez87:hmmm -
Merry Meet An Eternal Now,Originally posted by An Eternal Now:Well said, well said
Any thoughts or comments to share?
Blessed Be,
Oceanos -
So true! Good article, thank you for sharing.
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Merry Meet Joel_Lee,
Welcome. Any thoughts or comments to share or discuss?
Blessed Be,
Oceanos -
Hmm...
me myself if i really kena offended more often than not i dun show it.
rather i just get onz with it.
to ignore is not good but sometimes cannot take it ...
well... been here n there, so nthing matters anymore except feeling my heart gonna breaks or wat ba
when this happened, i usually just do something else, not ignoring the whole matter just accept it n let it go
no point getting OFFENDED over it ...
nothing to benfit from while getting into it, might as well directs the energy somewhere...
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Confession time: I give people the impression that I do not get offended when a transgression is committed against me. When things go against my way, my outward expression is one of calm and flexibility. I refuse to get angry - even though I might be inside.
Then I store it. Usually, it goes away on its own. Sometimes I need help with it - like I need to run, or vent it elsewhere. Sometimes I drink it away.
But sometimes - it corrupts me. I know I haven't let it go. I know I'm angry. But it feels wrong to be angry. But to me - it shouldn't be wrong. I should get angry. I should be allowed to let it out.
Then when I think like that - all it takes is a trigger. One event/person/thing to set me off. And I lose all control. All the rage and negativity comes out in a flood. Most times this means I raise my voice uncontrollably and speak in a highly threatening tone. Basically - I pick a fight.
On a few occasions, I didn't pick a fight. I just went ahead and started one. And on at least one occasion I can remember, I finished the fight too. I try not to remember these incidents. They scare me.
I do believe there is a way to not get offended. Its a mindset. But not one I have. Sad right? -
Merry Meet Moonice,Originally posted by MoonIce:Hmm...
me myself if i really kena offended more often than not i dun show it.
rather i just get onz with it.
to ignore is not good but sometimes cannot take it ...
well... been here n there, so nthing matters anymore except feeling my heart gonna breaks or wat ba
when this happened, i usually just do something else, not ignoring the whole matter just accept it n let it go
no point getting OFFENDED over it ...
nothing to benfit from while getting into it, might as well directs the energy somewhere...
Indeed, why waste your energy on being angry? Direct your energy to somewhere useful & i am sure it will benefit more.
Blessed Be,
Oceanos -
You can only be abused if you choose to be abused. Almost every time we get offended, we are actually just having a misunderstanding. I will leave most of these alone. Just say that although the idea is noble, this doctor needs to spend a year in a working person's shoes.
Hell yes you are going to get offended, no you don't have to take it personally, but sooner or later you are going to have to take a stand against someone for yourself, otherwise get used to "washing the shoe prints of your shirts".
I'll just said The Art Of Not Being Offended is not something everyone is capable of doing all the time, there are very few Mother Teresas out there.
Sooner or later, someone... somewhere is going to find out how to push your buttons, and yes we all have triggers which will elicit responses, social as well as physical. Sooner or later you will be offended. None of us are perfect... We are human. It is in human nature. But we can always try to curb our flawed human nature, it will work for some but not for all.
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Merry Meet To All,
While conscience is our friend, all is at peace however once it is offended, farewell to a tranquil mind, its party time!
Blessed Be,
Oceanos -
Lalala...
I wanna party party...
Who wanna club? heehee...
best not get angry till wanna curse ppl...
actually hor when i actually angry over some ppl, den if i tok to my frenz abt those ppl...
I can speak fluent mandarin which is a rare feat hor, my mandarin not so good, but my frenz comment de lolx. -
I party all night long.
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Let's continue our discussion...
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This is also what many self help book preaches. So this must be a key to happiness....
When we know that our inherent worth is not determined by what another says, does or believes, we can take the world a little less seriously. And if necessary, we can just walk away without creating more misery for ourselves or having to convince the other person that we are good and worthy people.
The great challenge of our world is to live a life of contentment, regardless of what other people do, say, think or believe. The fine art of not being offended is one of the many skills for being a practical mystic. Though it may take a lifetime of practice, it is truly one of the best kept secrets for living a happy life.[/color][/b][/b]
If only I could follow it, more often than not it is easier to throw a temper than to keep a cool head. Yes it makes u feel better at the moment, but come later you'll probably regret.
yes yes must think of not this when being offended next time...
It is also a cycle I guess, you'll attract the same type of people as u... -
if i take the passive approach when others are criticizing me, they will do the same the next time the opportunity arises.
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Merry Meet Whiskers,Originally posted by whiskers:This is also what many self help book preaches. So this must be a key to happiness....
If only I could follow it, more often than not it is easier to throw a temper than to keep a cool head. Yes it makes u feel better at the moment, but come later you'll probably regret.
yes yes must think of not this when being offended next time...
It is also a cycle I guess, you'll attract the same type of people as u...
Welcome to my haven, hope you will enjoy your stay in here.
Many are seeking the Key to Happiness. Its easier said than done but still its always good to try. Everything is a "Cycle" or "Circle", its neverending. You are who you chose to interact/hang out with, Birds of feathers flock together. If you are lucky, friends around you are also lucky, vice versa.
Have you watch this movie, "The Pursuit of Happyness", this is a very beautiful show... you should watch it if you can.
Blessed Be,
Oceanos -
Merry Meet Yuko-ogura,Originally posted by yuko-ogura:if i take the passive approach when others are criticizing me, they will do the same the next time the opportunity arises.
So you feel you should be the one who take an Active approach whenever such issues arises.
Blessed Be,
Oceanos -
Originally posted by OCEANOS:
yesh. im afraid so.
[b]Merry Meet Yuko-ogura,
So you feel you should be the one who take an Active approach whenever such issues arises.
Blessed Be,
Oceanos[/b]
especially towards pple who like to throw their tantrums and weights ard, we ought to show some attitude.
or else they will piss right over our heads and walk off as if nth happens.