SiLeNt TeArs (TrUe StoRy)
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I wrote this story when I was in the middle of some rough times with my life. The feeling of my story is a feeling of loss and not knowing whether or not to show emotions. It's a feeling of confusion and isolation. I was afraid to show emotions, so I cried on the inside - that's where I get the phrase "silent tears". It means that I can hear myself cry, but nobody else can.
I am alone, so very alone. I'm hurt so very bad.I am ignored,
just thrown aside. I am security, for others to have.I am lonely, there is no one close, no one sees the pain.I cry,
hope is gone.I am alone, and no one knows.
I'm just a lonely girl, who always find my way out to get more friends. By the time i get friends, i would be sad bcoz the friends i have don't care for me or don't love me as much as i do. Sometimes i wonder, why is it too difficult to find a true friend. I always ask myself what is God trying to tell me. Those friends who knows me, knows that am a very caring, kind, humorous and happy go lucky girl. Why? coz when am with my friends, i always wanted to see them happy, wanted to see them smile. I always take care of them and for me i never took care of myself. Even though i'm sad and hurt of what i feel inside of me, i never showed to them or to anyone.
Part 1: With my best buddy
I've known this guy called Jason for more than 3years. I have cared for him all thru this 3years and became so close to him. As for him, he had family problems and now he's staying with his mom and his bro's. He din't grow up in a good family like mine as his parents got divorced since he was young. He have seen violence in his family since young. So until he grows up, he turned to be violent.
Part 2: How do i know him?
Since am a loner & i don't hang out that much i decided to go online(MIRC) This is where i met him. He has gotta a cool nick which makes me wanna chat with him. When i chatted with him, I didnt feel happy or sad. I just had a normal feeling.
For few days i kept on chatting with him until he asked for my number so that we could keep in touch. I hardly give my number out to people but when he asked i gave it to him coz i have a trust on him. The way he chats and jokes makes me happy and feel like chatting with him each and every day.
After few days past, after i gave him my number...suddenly one day he called me and I talked to him as a normal phone conversation. After he called me, he asked me to call him back. And so i called him back and talked for hours. When i talked to him i didnt care about my phone bil. Each and every day i'm da one who called and talked to him. This was goin' on for few months. Even the phone bil i receive was 1,000 and above each month. I didnt care coz i was pretty happy that i have got a "FRIEND" whom i can talk to even though he lives quite far away from me. My parents scolded me and advised me not to use the phone but still i ignore their advise. When i feel like am alone, I'll just dial his number n talk to him. I know this is wrong but for me i do always care for other people's happiness.
Part 3: Misunderstanding
After a year i talked to him by phone and Online(MIRC) something really bad happened between me & him. I din't realise that he fell in love with me. But for me all i wanted him as a good friend but i din't know thingz would turn out in an opposite way. So, i told him i'm not interested in love and i thought he was just kidding. So i din't take it that serious.I just took it as a joke. Days past and he called me out and asked me whether i had a "BOYFRIEND" or not. I told him i really don't have. For real, i really don't have. Something happened between me and him that we din't talk for a year. But me, in a confusion and sad was wondering what really happened. I was so blur. I still did sms him as usual telling him to take care as God is with him n stuff. Since then i din't go online coz he wasnt there.
Part 4: Get back together
When i lost him in my life, i was bored to death. I was so damn lonely! After a year, I got back again with him. It was through online again. This is where i chatted with a guy similar to Jason's nick name. In Mirc i don't give out my real name as i give out a different name. When i was chatting with this so called another guy.( I didnt know it was Jason.) And for Jason he didnt know it was me. We both chatted for few days and suddenly one day he was sharing his sad stories to me. Then only thing i realised that he(Jason) was talking about me. Jason was pretty sad about some misunderstanding between me and him. Jason felt sorry for what happened and he said he wanted me back.
I told to Jason, the person u r talking about her is me. I'm the gal. I'm the same gal which u misunderstood me last year. And he goes: Really?? I said yup and we got back togather. He was happy 2meet me again n i was too. It did hurt me, but i forgave him. He felt very sorry about da misunderstanding which happened a year ago. Since that day i din't called him but i do come and look for him online. Later on he asked me to call him after christmas and i called him up. He was so happy to get me back in his life.
Part 5: Still good friends
Just like before i started to call him and talk to him. Everyday i call and talked to him. I don't care about the phone bil. I don't care even if my mom or dad scolds me or warn me. As i know, I'm doing something wrong by not obeying my parents but what can i do? I feel so lonely. I always cry after i come back home from college. When my friends r happy I feel so hurt inside. When i see a couple, i feel anger in me. My friends are not english spoken as they always talk in their own language which makes me wanna cry and get out of the place. I always tell them to speak English but after a while they speak their own language. Even everywhere i go to class, shopping, to a place to eat i feel so bored. I cant stand the way they treat me. When they laugh i don't know what da hell they r talking about. I feel so sick and fed up with this life. So whenever they speak in their own language i just have to keep smiling and just ignore it. What else can i do? Scold them? Tell them also they don't wanna listen, so its better for me to just ignore it & take the pain. But then when i got back Jason i was feeling a happy coz i still do have a "FRIEND" whom i can talk to and share everything.
Part 6: Close to each other
We just got closer to each other by Online and phone. We dint even meet once also. He wanted to meet me, but i always reject by saying "No" coz i also don't know why. Maybe i wanna know him more better. Days pass by, i know many things about him and he knows many things about me. He once again told that he loves me and wanted me to accept that. For me, i din't have the love feelings for him as i want him as a good friend. He couldnt understand that. I always wondered why cant a guy accept a girl as his good friend. Y must he accept her as his sweetheart? Why is that always best buddies always end up with love n stuff? I also told him i was not interested in love. I din't mean to hurt him but i just wanna tell Jason the truth. I want him as a Good friend. He was hurt. he was badly hurt. I was hurt too coz when i see someone suffer or if i see someone get hurt i cant take it. I would feel the same too. I told him I'm sorry and i told him i cant help him to be his. Everytime i call him, he always ask me the same Question and he will always ask:Am i yours? am i yours? Do u love me? R u mine? But me feeling very hurt, i would always try to change the topic or sometimes i would say don't ask me the same thing. I'm bored! Everytime when i feel sad, n i cry i don't have a shoulder to cry on. I turn to God. I always ask God to help to clear his mind but god din't answer me. Each and every day i ask God to clear Jason's feelings about me. I've trouble in sleeping. I don't sleep at night. This was when i first joined da college. I'm not happy at all.If am not happy, i cant sleep. I will stay awake all night. I tried taking sleeping pills to sleep for few days n then i stopped coz parents scolded me. I was totally a crazy lonely girl. I ask god for happiness but he gave sadness. I never blame god for anything. No matter what he(God) gives me i'll accept it as i love him(God) more than anything else. Before meeting Jason online, i have someother friends who have betrayed me, talked bad behind my back and wanted to be my friend only because i have money$$. After i cared for them, they just fly away from me. Anyway, about Jason he asked me to SMS him everyday and i did call him too. We really got closer.
Part 7: Parents warned!
For few months i called him everyday, talked to Jason for 5hours or more. We talk about God, he talks about his problem but i never tell him my problems about the phone bil. I don't know why, but i don't wanna tell him. Afraid he'll go out of my life or just i have the fear in me. Until one day the phone bil was 2,000 above. My parents scolded me, even tried to beat me. I felt the pain when my mom beat me and my dad slapped me for the first time ever in his life. They asked me about the person whom i was talking to. I just tell them it was a good friend of mine whom i care, as i don't have any good friends to talk with in real life. But for me i know i did a wrong thing and i asked them to forgive me. They did n they forgave me. Finally, i told Jason about the matter and he was so upset about it. He couldnt help me to sort of the bils as he just asked sorry from me. I said its ok! From that day on i din't call him. But i still do keep in touch with him by SMS. The most thing which hurts me is whenever i SMS him, i never get the reply from him. Everyday i SMS him some poems, quotes or anything which he ask me to, but i never get the reply. I felt that when i knew him 2years back until now he never sent me a single SMS from his phone. I also thought from the 1st day he called me n then the 2nd day till now i'm the one who care to call him and talk to him. He always say he misses me so much, but i feel this is all not true. I'm asking for those who r reading my story. How would u feel if theres is only one part of communication? How would u feel if u SMS a person whom u care so much din't reply U ? Can u ever imagine that ? Sometimes i feel that he's just using me. But i don't know what he really wants from me. When i stop SMS-ing him, he SMS from the net and ask me whether i have forgotten him or not. Why is that so difficult for me to find a good friend? why is it so hard to find a caring n kind friend ? Why?
Part 8: Not so close to each other!
When i stopped calling him, he never called me.He NEVER did! Ouch! It does hurts. He never care to call and ask how am i doing. He never care to SMS me. I do still meet him online but not that much. I do still care for him but he don't. He still asks me the same Question do u love me? And i keep on answering I don't. I know he's not the right person for me. He only makes me sad and hurt. Everytime i see him online i feel sad and hurt. Sometimes i care for him but sometimes i try to go away from him. I tried but i cant. Coz i've cared for him and was a good buddy 4him. I just cant go away. I still do cry to sleep. I still do cry when i'm lonely. I still do cry when my college friends enjoy themself. I still cry...N even today when am writing and sharing u about my story i still do cry coz it hurts me alot.
Part 9: ??????
I don't know what else to say. I don't have a good friend to talk to. I don't have a good friend to share my feelings. I don't know, am confused coz he's still out there but nvr SMS me or calls me. We just meet online but not everyday. Only thing that i'm happy is that i have changed him to be a better person. I hope he's happy and enjoying his life there.
But that is what I'm going through. I know someday things would get better. I would feel like a baby again,I would watch the sunrise with someone I might fall in love.
But till then,Why can't I help myself?
For those Of u out there: Do treat your buddies with good care and be loyal with them. Please don't hurt them. I believe there is someone like me whoz also suffering the same way as i do. For that someone, God bless u and for the rest. As for me, let this be a part of my lesson. I have learnt my lesson but then am not gonna change myself coz its already in me. I'm born with it. I care and love each and everyone out there. Take care and Keep smiling
-
EnJoy~~~~~~
(Story adopted) -
i gtgOriginally posted by IamAngeline:EnJoy~~~~~~
no time to read
i'll read some other days k
byebye.. nite.... cya
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good nites CL dearOriginally posted by cHeR|sH^LoVe:i gtg
no time to read
i'll read some other days k
byebye.. nite.... cya 
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sleep tight...Originally posted by cHeR|sH^LoVe:i gtg
no time to read
i'll read some other days k
byebye.. nite.... cya -
Nitez CLOriginally posted by cHeR|sH^LoVe:i gtg
no time to read
i'll read some other days k
byebye.. nite.... cya 
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bye... i'm going off soon tooOriginally posted by cHeR|sH^LoVe:i gtg
no time to read
i'll read some other days k
byebye.. nite.... cya -
U r a brave girl. I believe it really hurts in those period of ur life. Life has its ups n downs. To b able to stand up after those falls, need a lot of courages. Juz treat each as a lesson to learn. ppl grow up from falling. I noe it's hard to forget, but like what I told CL,Originally posted by IamAngeline:EnJoy~~~~~~
"If U need a shoulder to cry on, or a hearing ear, there is always us around here. "
God do listen. Maybe he feels it is better for things to be in this way. It may be a blessing in disguise, since u manage to change him to b a better person.Take good care of urself n may God bless U. -
Stop hurting yourself! I know how ya feel, its sucks when tears just wun come and ya noe ya'll feel so much better aft crying... You are never alone! 'Then shalt thou call, and the Lord shall answer; thou shalt cry, and He shall say, here I am.' Isaiah 58:9 God's wif ya! Remember, God's pruning ya to become stronger, more independent! When dat season its over, you'll see how much ya have grow. Persevere! Have faith! Amen?
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One lame question: Is the story illustrating yourself? if yes, you may wish to talk to me? I can sincerely be your friend and talk to you..Originally posted by IamAngeline:I wrote this story when I was in the middle of some rough times with my life. The feeling of my story is a feeling of loss and not knowing whether or not to show emotions. It's a feeling of confusion and isolation. I was afraid to show emotions, so I cried on the inside - that's where I get the phrase "silent tears". It means that I can hear myself cry, but nobody else can.
I am alone, so very alone. I'm hurt so very bad.I am ignored,
just thrown aside. I am security, for others to have.I am lonely, there is no one close, no one sees the pain.I cry,
hope is gone.I am alone, and no one knows.
I'm just a lonely girl, who always find my way out to get more friends. By the time i get friends, i would be sad bcoz the friends i have don't care for me or don't love me as much as i do. Sometimes i wonder, why is it too difficult to find a true friend. I always ask myself what is God trying to tell me. Those friends who knows me, knows that am a very caring, kind, humorous and happy go lucky girl. Why? coz when am with my friends, i always wanted to see them happy, wanted to see them smile. I always take care of them and for me i never took care of myself. Even though i'm sad and hurt of what i feel inside of me, i never showed to them or to anyone.
Part 1: With my best buddy
I've known this guy called Jason for more than 3years. I have cared for him all thru this 3years and became so close to him. As for him, he had family problems and now he's staying with his mom and his bro's. He din't grow up in a good family like mine as his parents got divorced since he was young. He have seen violence in his family since young. So until he grows up, he turned to be violent.
Part 2: How do i know him?
Since am a loner & i don't hang out that much i decided to go online(MIRC) This is where i met him. He has gotta a cool nick which makes me wanna chat with him. When i chatted with him, I didnt feel happy or sad. I just had a normal feeling.
For few days i kept on chatting with him until he asked for my number so that we could keep in touch. I hardly give my number out to people but when he asked i gave it to him coz i have a trust on him. The way he chats and jokes makes me happy and feel like chatting with him each and every day.
After few days past, after i gave him my number...suddenly one day he called me and I talked to him as a normal phone conversation. After he called me, he asked me to call him back. And so i called him back and talked for hours. When i talked to him i didnt care about my phone bil. Each and every day i'm da one who called and talked to him. This was goin' on for few months. Even the phone bil i receive was 1,000 and above each month. I didnt care coz i was pretty happy that i have got a "FRIEND" whom i can talk to even though he lives quite far away from me. My parents scolded me and advised me not to use the phone but still i ignore their advise. When i feel like am alone, I'll just dial his number n talk to him. I know this is wrong but for me i do always care for other people's happiness.
Part 3: Misunderstanding
After a year i talked to him by phone and Online(MIRC) something really bad happened between me & him. I din't realise that he fell in love with me. But for me all i wanted him as a good friend but i din't know thingz would turn out in an opposite way. So, i told him i'm not interested in love and i thought he was just kidding. So i din't take it that serious.I just took it as a joke. Days past and he called me out and asked me whether i had a "BOYFRIEND" or not. I told him i really don't have. For real, i really don't have. Something happened between me and him that we din't talk for a year. But me, in a confusion and sad was wondering what really happened. I was so blur. I still did sms him as usual telling him to take care as God is with him n stuff. Since then i din't go online coz he wasnt there.
Part 4: Get back together
When i lost him in my life, i was bored to death. I was so damn lonely! After a year, I got back again with him. It was through online again. This is where i chatted with a guy similar to Jason's nick name. In Mirc i don't give out my real name as i give out a different name. When i was chatting with this so called another guy.( I didnt know it was Jason.) And for Jason he didnt know it was me. We both chatted for few days and suddenly one day he was sharing his sad stories to me. Then only thing i realised that he(Jason) was talking about me. Jason was pretty sad about some misunderstanding between me and him. Jason felt sorry for what happened and he said he wanted me back.
I told to Jason, the person u r talking about her is me. I'm the gal. I'm the same gal which u misunderstood me last year. And he goes: Really?? I said yup and we got back togather. He was happy 2meet me again n i was too. It did hurt me, but i forgave him. He felt very sorry about da misunderstanding which happened a year ago. Since that day i din't called him but i do come and look for him online. Later on he asked me to call him after christmas and i called him up. He was so happy to get me back in his life.
Part 5: Still good friends
Just like before i started to call him and talk to him. Everyday i call and talked to him. I don't care about the phone bil. I don't care even if my mom or dad scolds me or warn me. As i know, I'm doing something wrong by not obeying my parents but what can i do? I feel so lonely. I always cry after i come back home from college. When my friends r happy I feel so hurt inside. When i see a couple, i feel anger in me. My friends are not english spoken as they always talk in their own language which makes me wanna cry and get out of the place. I always tell them to speak English but after a while they speak their own language. Even everywhere i go to class, shopping, to a place to eat i feel so bored. I cant stand the way they treat me. When they laugh i don't know what da hell they r talking about. I feel so sick and fed up with this life. So whenever they speak in their own language i just have to keep smiling and just ignore it. What else can i do? Scold them? Tell them also they don't wanna listen, so its better for me to just ignore it & take the pain. But then when i got back Jason i was feeling a happy coz i still do have a "FRIEND" whom i can talk to and share everything.
Part 6: Close to each other
We just got closer to each other by Online and phone. We dint even meet once also. He wanted to meet me, but i always reject by saying "No" coz i also don't know why. Maybe i wanna know him more better. Days pass by, i know many things about him and he knows many things about me. He once again told that he loves me and wanted me to accept that. For me, i din't have the love feelings for him as i want him as a good friend. He couldnt understand that. I always wondered why cant a guy accept a girl as his good friend. Y must he accept her as his sweetheart? Why is that always best buddies always end up with love n stuff? I also told him i was not interested in love. I din't mean to hurt him but i just wanna tell Jason the truth. I want him as a Good friend. He was hurt. he was badly hurt. I was hurt too coz when i see someone suffer or if i see someone get hurt i cant take it. I would feel the same too. I told him I'm sorry and i told him i cant help him to be his. Everytime i call him, he always ask me the same Question and he will always ask:Am i yours? am i yours? Do u love me? R u mine? But me feeling very hurt, i would always try to change the topic or sometimes i would say don't ask me the same thing. I'm bored! Everytime when i feel sad, n i cry i don't have a shoulder to cry on. I turn to God. I always ask God to help to clear his mind but god din't answer me. Each and every day i ask God to clear Jason's feelings about me. I've trouble in sleeping. I don't sleep at night. This was when i first joined da college. I'm not happy at all.If am not happy, i cant sleep. I will stay awake all night. I tried taking sleeping pills to sleep for few days n then i stopped coz parents scolded me. I was totally a crazy lonely girl. I ask god for happiness but he gave sadness. I never blame god for anything. No matter what he(God) gives me i'll accept it as i love him(God) more than anything else. Before meeting Jason online, i have someother friends who have betrayed me, talked bad behind my back and wanted to be my friend only because i have money$$. After i cared for them, they just fly away from me. Anyway, about Jason he asked me to SMS him everyday and i did call him too. We really got closer.
Part 7: Parents warned!
For few months i called him everyday, talked to Jason for 5hours or more. We talk about God, he talks about his problem but i never tell him my problems about the phone bil. I don't know why, but i don't wanna tell him. Afraid he'll go out of my life or just i have the fear in me. Until one day the phone bil was 2,000 above. My parents scolded me, even tried to beat me. I felt the pain when my mom beat me and my dad slapped me for the first time ever in his life. They asked me about the person whom i was talking to. I just tell them it was a good friend of mine whom i care, as i don't have any good friends to talk with in real life. But for me i know i did a wrong thing and i asked them to forgive me. They did n they forgave me. Finally, i told Jason about the matter and he was so upset about it. He couldnt help me to sort of the bils as he just asked sorry from me. I said its ok! From that day on i din't call him. But i still do keep in touch with him by SMS. The most thing which hurts me is whenever i SMS him, i never get the reply from him. Everyday i SMS him some poems, quotes or anything which he ask me to, but i never get the reply. I felt that when i knew him 2years back until now he never sent me a single SMS from his phone. I also thought from the 1st day he called me n then the 2nd day till now i'm the one who care to call him and talk to him. He always say he misses me so much, but i feel this is all not true. I'm asking for those who r reading my story. How would u feel if theres is only one part of communication? How would u feel if u SMS a person whom u care so much din't reply U ? Can u ever imagine that ? Sometimes i feel that he's just using me. But i don't know what he really wants from me. When i stop SMS-ing him, he SMS from the net and ask me whether i have forgotten him or not. Why is that so difficult for me to find a good friend? why is it so hard to find a caring n kind friend ? Why?
Part 8: Not so close to each other!
When i stopped calling him, he never called me.He NEVER did! Ouch! It does hurts. He never care to call and ask how am i doing. He never care to SMS me. I do still meet him online but not that much. I do still care for him but he don't. He still asks me the same Question do u love me? And i keep on answering I don't. I know he's not the right person for me. He only makes me sad and hurt. Everytime i see him online i feel sad and hurt. Sometimes i care for him but sometimes i try to go away from him. I tried but i cant. Coz i've cared for him and was a good buddy 4him. I just cant go away. I still do cry to sleep. I still do cry when i'm lonely. I still do cry when my college friends enjoy themself. I still cry...N even today when am writing and sharing u about my story i still do cry coz it hurts me alot.
Part 9: ??????
I don't know what else to say. I don't have a good friend to talk to. I don't have a good friend to share my feelings. I don't know, am confused coz he's still out there but nvr SMS me or calls me. We just meet online but not everyday. Only thing that i'm happy is that i have changed him to be a better person. I hope he's happy and enjoying his life there.
But that is what I'm going through. I know someday things would get better. I would feel like a baby again,I would watch the sunrise with someone I might fall in love.
But till then,Why can't I help myself?
For those Of u out there: Do treat your buddies with good care and be loyal with them. Please don't hurt them. I believe there is someone like me whoz also suffering the same way as i do. For that someone, God bless u and for the rest. As for me, let this be a part of my lesson. I have learnt my lesson but then am not gonna change myself coz its already in me. I'm born with it. I care and love each and everyone out there. Take care and Keep smiling -
poor girl....hope she has found some friends ....
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Who's da female lead in da story? Dun tell me its U, Junior... I dun remember U study college leh... But dunno Y... dis story has a kinda "deja-vu" effect on me......
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nah not me~~ keke i written on the 2nd or 3rd reply stating story adoptedOriginally posted by loneryu00:Who's da female lead in da story? Dun tell me its U, Junior... I dun remember U study college leh... But dunno Y... dis story has a kinda "deja-vu" effect on me...... -
Oh... but da story really have ALOT of similarity to my life... both side of da party somemore...Originally posted by IamAngeline:nah not me~~ keke i written on the 2nd or 3rd reply stating story adopted -
Originally posted by loneryu00:Oh... but da story really have ALOT of similarity to my life... both side of da party somemore... PP
that means I am good in choosing stories~~kekek -
Yar... real life stories some more...Originally posted by IamAngeline:PP
that means I am good in choosing stories~~kekek -
Originally posted by loneryu00:Yar... real life stories some more...
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So how? feelin better?Originally posted by IamAngeline: 
-
yap~~Originally posted by loneryu00:So how? feelin better? -
good... coz I noe dat U will TRY to get better... yr character will make U try to solve it yrself (well... more like put aside) than confiding in sum1... BUT if matters do get outta hand, U NAY seek advice & consultation. Ay?Originally posted by IamAngeline:yap~~
Anywae, wat he did? -
kekke~~~ okok next time I bomb ur fone first~~Originally posted by loneryu00:good... coz I noe dat U will TRY to get better... yr character will make U try to solve it yrself (well... more like put aside) than confiding in sum1... BUT if matters do get outta hand, U NAY seek advice & consultation. Ay?
Anywae, wat he did?
kekek~~ nah he did nothing lah~~ kekekek~~~
heezzz small couple argue small things kekek~ -
If small quarrel, maybe U can try to understand his situation? as to Y he did dat? wat made him unhappy & stuffs... but oso try to make yr stand dat U as his GF share his troubles, NOT a tool for venting...Originally posted by IamAngeline:kekke~~~ okok next time I bomb ur fone first~~
kekek~~ nah he did nothing lah~~ kekekek~~~
heezzz small couple argue small things kekek~
U try to bomb my phone lah... it won't be $1000+ a mth loh...
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hmMM~~ i dun vent my anger on him loh~~Originally posted by loneryu00:If small quarrel, maybe U can try to understand his situation? as to Y he did dat? wat made him unhappy & stuffs... but oso try to make yr stand dat U as his GF share his troubles, NOT a tool for venting...
U try to bomb my phone lah... it won't be $1000+ a mth loh...
I share his troubles too~~~ so??~~~ kekekke no problem~~~ -
I mean he vent on U... share troubles wif YOU...Originally posted by IamAngeline:hmMM~~ i dun vent my anger on him loh~~
I share his troubles too~~~ so??~~~ kekekke no problem~~~ -
Originally posted by loneryu00:I mean he vent on U... share troubles wif YOU...