Unsupportive Bf...
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I know how it was like to be impulsive. Don't worry, we get carried away times to times. Just know when to stop.Originally posted by SGpork:sry..but thats the first thing come to my mind when i read that..
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well..i also dontknow whats acutally happening here.or perhards i shoudlnt know...Originally posted by shan_cai:He juz read. But no comments fr him. He juz keeps quiet. Liddat u can noe wat type of preson he is le... He doesnt wanna tok n solve e prob... Onli noe how 2 act blur n pretend nothin happened...
how this thingy started? i tot u n him always very gd..
i also dontknow u..seldom chat with u..so i dontknow what to say but just 2...words...
take care..
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k..my bad.Originally posted by Nelstar:I know how it was like to be impulsive. Don't worry, we get carried away times to times. Just know when to stop.
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Eh... Do u mean mitolover?Originally posted by Master -_-:/me waits for misotolover
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Well said... True love nv runs smooth... Thks 4 ur advice bear... Reali appreciate it whenever u offer advice 4 my probs...Originally posted by the Bear:i've seen...
the path to true love never did run smooth...
i hope you both well and stay on track
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Mi n him... If gd can b v gd... But if probs arise between us, den i can tel u itz hell 4 us... I didnt like 2 quarrel wif him... It always hurts mi when we quarrel.Originally posted by SGpork:well..i also dontknow whats acutally happening here.or perhards i shoudlnt know...
how this thingy started? i tot u n him always very gd..
i also dontknow u..seldom chat with u..so i dontknow what to say but just 2...words...
take care.. -
Originally posted by shan_cai:I dunno y he's liddat... All of sudden started 2 drift apart fr mi liao... I no longer feel his love n concern liao... Wat appears in frt of mi is a selfish n unfeelin guy...
Im supposed 2 go down later 4 a photo shoot n i asked him 2 fetch mi over, he declined flatly. Yest we already say liao bring mi down. But now? If dunwan den yest speak up lah. Itz juz awhile onli oso he cant wait. He say onli WASTE HIS TIME. Liddat i tink dis 1 yr plus im oso wastin his PRECIOUS time loh. I dunno wat makes him say tat but i feel tat he reali hurt mi wif his words... He says itz INDECENT. I dun find anythin wrong wif tat mah... I tot he'll b supportive in everythin i do, but i was wrong...
Watever i do is wrong, watever he does is correct. Y he can do e things he like n i cant? If i do, he'll b unhappy... Y? Y? Y?
He says if i wanna go, i go down myself... He's so selfish, today is his offday n he's free. Not as if he's busy den i bug him or wat... Now i no mood go... Tink i'll skip e photo shoot... 
Seriously, I don't think we should habour on just the surface issue by itself and in this case, I am referring to the photo shoot because seriously, you two need to repair the root of the relationship and not just the broken pipes that comes along.
I understand that you fear any possible verbal conflicts that may utterly destory this relationship in heat of anger, therefore you chose to suppress much of this tension inside your soul. Temporary, probably nothing may go wrong, but as time drags and leave scatch wounds upon your emotions, it may not be the best solution and would indirectly reduce understanding, create miscommunication or the dreaded effect: shorten relationship lifespan and lengthen suffering.
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Have you ever thought that he may not wished to reply to this topic to you personally or virtually because he doesn't want to wash his dirty laundry in public?
In my experience, I have a couple of cases where one party goes out and reveal all the hell inflicted by the other, only to be displeased by the other, especially when sgforum is a channel anybody could see and worst - people here are people you know real life. Of course not saying that what he did was right or you cannot post such topic - but it will create invisible tremor in your relationship.
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There are reasons to everything. Logically speaking, he should do this, do that - but to understand the root on where is this relationship heading and happening is more critical if you want to ensure the survivability of this relationship. Yes, you still have the strength to take it in, but how long can you substain before you fall ultimately?
Cheers -
nobody like to quarrel...i hate it so much i always the one to keep quiet...then not my fault also my fault ler..*in another words i gave in lor..becos...i. just want peace..Originally posted by shan_cai:Mi n him... If gd can b v gd... But if probs arise between us, den i can tel u itz hell 4 us... I didnt like 2 quarrel wif him... It always hurts mi when we quarrel. -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
sorree shancai, i have to agree with yun on this one... i just didn't know how to put it nicely. Seriously, I don't think we should habour on just the surface issue by itself and in this case, I am referring to the photo shoot because seriously, you two need to repair the root of the relationship and not just the broken pipes that comes along.
I understand that you fear any possible verbal conflicts that may utterly destory this relationship in heat of anger, therefore you chose to suppress much of this tension inside your soul. Temporary, probably nothing may go wrong, but as time drags and leave scatch wounds upon your emotions, it may not be the best solution and would indirectly reduce understanding, create miscommunication or the dreaded effect: shorten relationship lifespan and lengthen suffering.
***
Have you ever thought that he may not wished to reply to this topic to you personally or virtually because he doesn't want to wash his dirty laundry in public?
In my experience, I have a couple of cases where one party goes out and reveal all the hell inflicted by the other, only to be displeased by the other, especially when sgforum is a channel anybody could see and worst - [b]people here are people you know real life. Of course not saying that what he did was right or you cannot post such topic - but it will create invisible tremor in your relationship.
***
There are reasons to everything. Logically speaking, he should do this, do that - but to understand the root on where is this relationship heading and happening is more critical if you want to ensure the survivability of this relationship. Yes, you still have the strength to take it in, but how long can you substain before you fall ultimately?
Cheers [/b]
i mean if u shared with your close frens etc of course that's normal. but for this way, it's slightly er... not as good?
ahhaha, sh.it man... since when am i lost for words? just trying to be gentle for once. usually i just whack wat i wanna say. i'm sure many pple know. -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Thks 4 ur advice Yun... But postin here den he wil bother 2 read n find out wat happen... Tink maybe we haf v serious communication prob... He may not wanna tok 2 mi face 2 face, so by readin dis thread den he noe how i feel, therefore wil tink abt wat he did or wat went wrong... Seriously, I don't think we should habour on just the surface issue by itself and in this case, I am referring to the photo shoot because seriously, you two need to repair the root of the relationship and not just the broken pipes that comes along.
I understand that you fear any possible verbal conflicts that may utterly destory this relationship in heat of anger, therefore you chose to suppress much of this tension inside your soul. Temporary, probably nothing may go wrong, but as time drags and leave scatch wounds upon your emotions, it may not be the best solution and would indirectly reduce understanding, create miscommunication or the dreaded effect: shorten relationship lifespan and lengthen suffering.
***
Have you ever thought that he may not wished to reply to this topic to you personally or virtually because he doesn't want to wash his dirty laundry in public?
In my experience, I have a couple of cases where one party goes out and reveal all the hell inflicted by the other, only to be displeased by the other, especially when sgforum is a channel anybody could see and worst - [b]people here are people you know real life. Of course not saying that what he did was right or you cannot post such topic - but it will create invisible tremor in your relationship.
***
There are reasons to everything. Logically speaking, he should do this, do that - but to understand the root on where is this relationship heading and happening is more critical if you want to ensure the survivability of this relationship. Yes, you still have the strength to take it in, but how long can you substain before you fall ultimately?
Cheers [/b] -
I wan peace too...Originally posted by SGpork:nobody like to quarrel...i hate it so much i always the one to keep quiet...then not my fault also my fault ler..*in another words i gave in lor..becos...i. just want peace.. -
Bopian... I post my prob here den u all can help mi solve or gimmi some advice... Just like how others post their probs in AA...Originally posted by jOhO:sorree shancai, i have to agree with yun on this one... i just didn't know how to put it nicely.
i mean if u shared with your close frens etc of course that's normal. but for this way, it's slightly er... not as good?
ahhaha, sh.it man... since when am i lost for words? just trying to be gentle for once. usually i just whack wat i wanna say. i'm sure many pple know. -
Woah! That's so NOT you.Originally posted by jOhO:sorree shancai, i have to agree with yun on this one... i just didn't know how to put it nicely.
i mean if u shared with your close frens etc of course that's normal. but for this way, it's slightly er... not as good?
ahhaha, sh.it man... since when am i lost for words? just trying to be gentle for once. usually i just whack wat i wanna say. i'm sure many pple know. 
/me poke Joho.
Cheers -
Originally posted by shan_cai:Thks 4 ur advice Yun... But postin here den he wil bother 2 read n find out wat happen... Tink maybe we haf v serious communication prob... He may not wanna tok 2 mi face 2 face, so by readin dis thread den he noe how i feel, therefore wil tink abt wat he did or wat went wrong... By posting, he may see a version of your story - but HOW he would perceive from the information is highly subjective. Words in forum is such that the mind automatically shuts off some messages written and pick out only the parts it wished to decipher.
You have been long enough to witness many of the flame war that took place in sgf and most of the war started because of silly little thing posted by someone and another took offense in his/her posts.
Nobody is at fault - its how we interpret the message and get personal with them.
When you thought it might be better, think again: it will create greater misunderstanding in your relationship and gradually adopt a deadly mindset and habit in the both of you - complete destruction of communication over time because there are 'other' channel to substitute it. No proper communication in relationship spells certain doom for sure.
It would be so much better if this post were to be directed to him via email (even though virtual-problem-solving is highly ineffective) - but at the very least it still satisfy two way communication. From posting, this is directed to everyone and with a topic that trash him badly - how is this going to help your relationship?
*** One simple question to SC and DMS (Dao Ming Si):
Do you people still... (1) find meaning in your relationship to be together and... (2) want to work things out?
(1) If you don't know how to solve any issue currently, at least, do not implicate more problems into your relationship through behavior that would trigger the other party into a defensive mode.
(2) You people knows something is wrong with the relationship and rather suppress dissatisfaction and tension inside. It will grow maliciously and without realising - it tears your love destructively. If you two DESIRE to work things out, learn to remove this VERY negative love traits and practice effective art of communication.
P.S: This relationship will die without communication - at the rate you two are going. Never let relationship die by your own hands when you could do something to save it - unless of course, if you chose answer NO for (2).
Cheers. -
yeah i guess it's understandable, but he also posts here, and some of us know him. so where's he gonna "show his face" next time, say if we label him as a "bad" boyfriend. it's gotta do with pride and ego, and as a guy, i full well know wat that is.Originally posted by shan_cai:Bopian... I post my prob here den u all can help mi solve or gimmi some advice... Just like how others post their probs in AA...
i'm not saying he's right, i'm probably saying that this won't help at all.
and i'm also not saying i'm right, i'm just saying wat i think.
this time, a little bit more er... direct?
anyhow i really do hope u guys sort it out. talking here might/will make u feel better, but it's not gonna solve anything. u already know all this i'm sure. -
ahhaha.. bro!Originally posted by Yunhaier:Woah! That's so NOT you.
/me poke Joho.
Cheers
wat to do, she seems quite frazzled over this, don't wanna add salt to the wound. or at least if i have to, try to dilute in a glass of water first?
maybe i coulda said my piece in private, but i dun have a habit of doing that.
anyway, i hope she knows we all mean well. shancai pls gimme an affirmative on that? -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Hmmm~ I get wat u mean... U truly understand wats goin on between us, not as in detail but as in e general part... By posting, he may see a version of your story - but HOW he would perceive from the information is highly subjective. Words in forum is such that the mind automatically shuts off some messages written and pick out only the parts it wished to decipher.
You have been long enough to witness many of the flame war that took place in sgf and most of the war started because of silly little thing posted by someone and another took offense in his/her posts.
Nobody is at fault - [b]its how we interpret the message and get personal with them.
When you thought it might be better, think again: it will create greater misunderstanding in your relationship and gradually adopt a deadly mindset and habit in the both of you - complete destruction of communication over time because there are 'other' channel to substitute it. No proper communication in relationship spells certain doom for sure.
It would be so much better if this post were to be directed to him via email (even though virtual-problem-solving is highly ineffective) - but at the very least it still satisfy two way communication. From posting, this is directed to everyone and with a topic that trash him badly - how is this going to help your relationship?
*** One simple question to SC and DMS (Dao Ming Si):
Do you people still... (1) find meaning in your relationship to be together and... (2) want to work things out?
(1) If you don't know how to solve any issue currently, at least, do not implicate more problems into your relationship through behavior that would trigger the other party into a defensive mode.
(2) You people knows something is wrong with the relationship and rather suppress dissatisfaction and tension inside. It will grow maliciously and without realising - it tears your love destructively. If you two DESIRE to work things out, learn to remove this VERY negative love traits and practice effective art of communication.
P.S: This relationship will die without communication - at the rate you two are going. Never let relationship die by your own hands when you could do something to save it - unless of course, if you chose answer NO for (2).
Cheers. [/b]
Of course i wanna continue dis relationship lah! But smtimes conflicts r inevitable... N we're tryin hard 2 build up our communication system... Real bad... -
Ya... U've got a point in there too... Hmmm~ Im not a gd gf either... Juz tat he nv voice out nia...Originally posted by jOhO:yeah i guess it's understandable, but he also posts here, and some of us know him. so where's he gonna "show his face" next time, say if we label him as a "bad" boyfriend. it's gotta do with pride and ego, and as a guy, i full well know wat that is.
i'm not saying he's right, i'm probably saying that this won't help at all.
and i'm also not saying i'm right, i'm just saying wat i think.
this time, a little bit more er... direct?
anyhow i really do hope u guys sort it out. talking here might/will make u feel better, but it's not gonna solve anything. u already know all this i'm sure.
No worries, joho! Bein direct is gd... At least i get ur point rite? -
well put it this way, u're good becos it bothers u when the reln isn't going well. i mean, if u didn't care you wouldn't post.Originally posted by shan_cai:Ya... U've got a point in there too... Hmmm~ Im not a gd gf either... Juz tat he nv voice out nia...
No worries, joho! Bein direct is gd... At least i get ur point rite?
being direct is good? yeah sometimes, even most of the time. but not all the time that's for sure.
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Haha ya... Dependin on situations... Onli probs i reali cant bottle up inside long den i'll post n seek help fr u guys...Originally posted by jOhO:well put it this way, u're good becos it bothers u when the reln isn't going well. i mean, if u didn't care you wouldn't post.
being direct is good? yeah sometimes, even most of the time. but not all the time that's for sure. -
yeah well... all i know if i was ur bf.. i'd be a little... er, CONCERNED ahhahah..Originally posted by shan_cai:Haha ya... Dependin on situations... Onli probs i reali cant bottle up inside long den i'll post n seek help fr u guys...
anyway.. since it's all in the open, wat's the latest juice!!??
managed to talk to him, or swept under the carpet again? -
Ermm... Hmm..... ehh......
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kermit likes me like i am.. CHOR LOR..Originally posted by M©+square:Be gentle and understanding. The key to man's heart. -
Like i said loh... I gave in again...Originally posted by jOhO:yeah well... all i know if i was ur bf.. i'd be a little... er, CONCERNED ahhahah..
anyway.. since it's all in the open, wat's the latest juice!!??
managed to talk to him, or swept under the carpet again? -
IMO give in too many times and you'll get less and less respect from him .