It was not easy saying goodbye to Keith, when I donÂ’t even want to be away from him.
Lying on the hospital bed, Keith had numerous tubes attached to him and a machine that beeped. Keith was asleep as always. Painful for the both of us, I canÂ’t help but tear every time I visit him. In the ward, flowers could be seen everywhere, sent by friends, colleagues and family members. I brought his favorite car models and placed it on the bedside table, hoping that he can see it when he recovers.
He had lapsed into coma early this month. The tumor in his head is still spreading after numerous surgeries. Young at only 28, he first experienced the pain 2 years ago, but shook it off as a normal headache. He was a promising young man with a career that just took off.
I first got to know him at a beachside coffee club. I was enjoying the sun and reading a novel at the same time. He was a beach volleyball player and was enjoying a good game with his friends. We actually got acquainted after he accidentally splashed coke all over me. Apologizing for his clumsiness, he offered me napkins to clean up. Shaken, I told him to forget about it and made my way to the bathroom where I could change into my dry clothes. When I got out of the bathroom, he was waiting. “Hey I’m really sorry about ruining your day and your clothes. I apologize for my clumsiness.” He sincerely said. I nodded and walked away.
Maybe fate really brought us together; he was my new boss several weeks later. Love blossomed shortly after.
The headaches got worse and one day he just collapsed at home. He was admitted to the hospital and was told about the tumor. The doctors said that tumor is at the final stages and there was no way to get rid of it. I was taken back and found my world spinning into darkness. When I regained consciousness, I couldnÂ’t accept the fact, yet I have to brave up a front to face Keith.
“Hey, how are you feeling?” I asked as I sat on the bed, holding his hand. “Terrible,” he sobbed, “I’m sorry, Kate, I’m not able to take care of you anymore.” I shook my head and told him that everything will turn out fine. Amazed by his calmness, Keith said, “You knew that everything will not be alright. I’ll be gone in another 3 months at most, what will happen to you?” I chose not to accept the fact and said, “No, I’ll create a miracle, we’ll send you overseas for treatment.” I was very stubborn. Keith grabbed my shoulders and looked at me in the eyes. “Don’t. Face it. Nothing can cure me now.” I broke down.
Keith’s condition deteriorated day by day. On the day he lapsed into coma, he slipped a ring into my finger. “I love you.” He said weakly, and then closed his eyes. It was the ring that I had been eyeing on for weeks and I’ve only told him on one of the visits, showing him the picture in the magazine. Up till now, I don’t know how he managed to get the ring while he’s still in hospital, and I chose not to know.
Just a week ago, the doctor was making his rounds and found that Keith’s situation had turned worse. He could either make it through this weekend or leave all of his loved ones behind. I prayed hard for him to go through the week. “He’s suffering from all the pain that he couldn’t voice out, he couldn’t express. He needs to escape.” Keith’s sister said, as she cried in my arms.
“His system is failing,” Dr. Fender said, “his willpower is slowly fading. I’m expecting the worse. I’m sorry.” We cried like never before that night. “Uncle Keith is not leaving us, is he?” Keith’s favorite nephew asked. I carried him in my arms and sobbed. “Auntie, don’t cry. Uncle won’t be happy seeing us cry.” He said. At the tender age of 4, his words struck me hard.
We spent most of the days left at the hospital. We ate at the cafeteria and slept in the visitorÂ’s lounge. All of us wanted to be there, when Keith is spared from all the pain. Most of the time I didnÂ’t sleep, thinking of the times we had together and how much happiness he had given to those around him.
Then the day came. His parents and I were in the lounge resting when the nurse came. “I think you all should see Keith now.” Her voice sounded like a warning. We rushed to his ward and the doctor was checking on him. “I’m sorry. You may want to spend the time left with him now. At most a few hours.”
His mother collapsed on hearing the news and had to be helped to the couch. I left the ward, allowing the couple some private time with their beloved son. I cried hard when I got out of the ward. His sister then came running to me, hugging me and crying out together. It was difficult for us. The man we both love and look up to is soon leaving us. “Kor kor is leaving, right?” she asked, mumbling in the midst of crying. I hugged her tighter as if replying to her.
“Kate, maybe you should go in now,” Keith’s dad said, holding on to his crying wife and patted my shoulder. I looked at them and nodded, slowly walking into the ward.
He seems to be sleeping peacefully now. All the tubes and the machine are gone. I took his hand in mine and whispered into his ear, “I love you, Keith.” I told him about how much I loved the ring and talked about our happy times. “Don’t worry about your family, I’ll be there for them. I know how much it hurts and it hurts me too. Goodbye.” I cried and try to force a smile for him. He loved my smile. With a gentle peck on his lips, I left the ward.
My good bye to him was short but not my love for him. The pain that I felt was tremendous. Losing him, I felt handicapped, yet IÂ’ve got to be strong. He wouldnÂ’t want me to be sad. It will be a relief and escape for him, I thought to myself.
Within the same hour, he left us. He became my guardian angel and his family migrated to England the same year. I never forget him and visited his tomb every time I could. I’ve also kept in contact with his family and knew they were doing fine. “Kor kor is looking after us in heaven. He still shows his love.” Keith’s sister said, and that’s all I need to hear.
...but then the story is sad 
