Diary of the Dragon Prince
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http://forums.delphiforums.com/sammyboymod/start
12 October 2002 (Saturday) - Watched the opening ceremony of the Esplanade. Still not sure whether it is pronounced Espla-nade or Espla-nard. Damn. I spent millions of dollars building the theatre to keep the foreign talents happy and those taxi-drivers called it a Durian. Must speak to million-dollar COMFORT CEO Goh Chee Wee about revoking the licence of those who cannot pronouce Esplanade.
On a happier note, the million-dollar fireworks was money well spent. I could see the happy looks on the face of the foreign talents.
No English Premier football this weekend. Thank goodness. I'm still having a hangover from the World Cup. SM dad was making so much noise during the World Cup that I could not sleep. And the phone bills... Good thing elder brother works at SingTel. Father got him to cancel the bills. Forced him to, actually. Brother muttered something about good corporate governance. -
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Originally posted by LITTLEREDDOT:
12 oct 2003 is not even over yet...how u c so much?
http://forums.delphiforums.com/sammyboymod/start
[b]12 October 2003 (Saturday) - Watched the opening ceremony of the Esplanade. Still not sure whether it is pronounced Espla-nade or Espla-nard. Damn. I spent millions of dollars building the theatre to keep the foreign talents happy and those taxi-drivers called it a Durian. Must speak to million-dollar COMFORT CEO Goh Chee Wee about revoking the licence of those who cannot pronouce Esplanade.
On a happier note, the million-dollar fireworks was money well spent. I could see the happy looks on the face of the foreign talents.
No English Premier football this weekend. Thank goodness. I'm still having a hangover from the World Cup. SM dad was making so much noise during the World Cup that I could not sleep. And the phone bills... Good thing elder brother works at SingTel. Father got him to cancel the bills. Forced him to, actually. Brother muttered something about good corporate governance.
[/b]
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i am a gentleman -
Sorri. It should be 2002.
Dotology: are dots futuristic? -
14 October 2002 (Monday) - Called Goh Chee Wee. "I want to talk to you about the Esplanade".
"The Lew-lian?" GCW said.
"The Es-plen-nard" I repeated.
"The Arse-open-hard?" GCW said?
Then I realised that million dollar CEO Goh Chee Wee himself could not pronounce Esplanade. But he sure know how to pronounce "million", "stock options" and "comfort". -
20 October 2002 (Sunday) - Came back from Thailand. Had very successful negotiations with the drug lords there about opium trading. No, the opium trading is not to be done by Temasek Holdings, but by the private company, Lee Trading. Got to take care of the family's retirement, you know.
Damn, those alert Customs caught me with some samples of the white powder. Had to spin a story about someone sending me an envelope with white powder, possibly anthrax. Asked the police to match the fingerprints on the envelope with their computerised database of fingerprints. I must say they have a very impressive database: 4 million entries, which about covers every living person in Singapore. Including babies.
KNN, lost money on Arsenal. Damn, I didn't know that a 16-year old kid like Wayne Rooney can cause so much damage. 16-year olds should be busy slogging for straight 'A's in their 'O'-level exams, not kicking a football against grown men. And I am absolutely convinced that a 16-year old with eight 'A's will turn out to be a better footballer than one who skips classes to play football on the streets. Mark my word, Singapore will qualify for the 2010 World Cup. I am just waiting for Singapore to beat England in the World Cup. -
27 October 2002 (Sunday)
PresidentÂ’s Halloween Party
President Nothing is throwing a Halloween masquerade party and everyone has to dress up. This is fun. I asked Ah Goh for suggestions. He, being an honest man, said I should dress up like my father, since I am so alike him in so many ways. Hmm, Ah Goh is correct, since I am going to be Prime Minister soon anyway.
Dear wife asked me for ideas. You don’t have to wear any mask, I thought to myself. You are scary enough already. “Why don’t you go dressed as Wonder Woman?” I could hardly believe I could force the words out of my mouth.
At 7:00pm the family got ready to leave for the party. Father had on white robes and his mask was that of a white bearded man. “Who are you portraying, father?” I asked. He replied: “God”.
Mother had a real sense of humour; she dressed herself up as Kuan Ying, the Goddess of Mercy.
Finally brother showed up with a mask that had an American face. “Who is that?” I asked. “Bernie Ebbers, the chief of Worldcom” Ah Yang replied. “In the telecom world, he is my role model. One day, my SingTel is going to be bigger than Worldcom.” I did not have the heart to tell my brother that it should be Worldcon, and that Ebbers is under investigation for fraud. Anyway, with Worldcon’s current low share price, SingTel is already bigger than Worldcon. Doesn’t my brother ever watched the news? Then I remembered that television is banned in his household. Well, that explains it.
It was a jolly gang that set off for the Istana. I must say that our car was quite a sight to behold, with God, the Goddess of Mercy, Harry, Wonder Woman and Bernie Ebbers in the same car. -
oh be quiet!Originally posted by Master -_-:
no one is forcing you to read it. -
When we reached the Istana it was surrounded by police and military vehicles and personnel. We were told that Osama bin Laden was sighted inside. With an exasperated sigh, father dialled his mobile.
“Nathan, you stupid idiot. Now is not the time to play with your Osama mask.”
With the false alarm over, we drove into the grounds. The people inside: police, soldiers, security, staff, early guests, looked terrified from the scare. If they were already in shock, they must have dropped dead when they see Harry Lee with God and Kuan Ying. No, it was not the costumes that made their hearts stopped beating. It was their disbelief that Harry Lee could end up in heaven and be walking with the deities. -
hmmm are u really that little red dot?
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Originally posted by Peppermint:
That as the one in Coffeeshop? Do we look different?
hmmm are u really [b]that little red dot?[/b]Dotology: are dots imposters? -
The party was starting. On the lawn there were food stalls set up. The family was very pleased when they looked around; there were foreign talent everywhere. The Chinese noodle chef was brought in from Beijing, and he was spinning out the finest threads of dragon-hair noodles. The French chef from Paris was stuffing herbs into the game pigeons. Amazingly, there was a foreign talent from Malaysia: the satay man was dressed in authentic sarong and songkok and fanning away. And the Indian prata man was tossing his prata with just one hand, and carrying a baby in the other.
Wait a minute! A baby-carrying prata man? Damn, it is that Master of Disguises again. That President Nothing just cannot forget his Presidential duties (carrying babies) even when he is masquerading as a prata man.
Wonder Woman walked up to greet the President. Living in the Istana does have long-term effects. Being isolated and cut-off from society, the President does not see many women. The sight of Wonder Woman (but he did not know who was beneath the mask), no matter how shapeless, was enough to make him pant and drool. In his excitement, he tucked the prata under one arm and started tossing the baby with the other arm. -
10 November 2002 (Sunday) – The heavens opened up and the rains poured. Did my father do something unpardonable again? My aide told me that the Esplanade is now leaking water. This does not look good. A watery durian is a bad durian. Got on the phone with the chairman of the Esplanade project. Got the standard reply: “We are getting the contractors and the engineers to look at it.”
Sigh, why can’t they be more creative in problem solving? I told him to spin a story. “Give the cleaning ladies free makeovers and yellow raincoats. And tell them that they will get an extra $5 meal allowance.”
My brilliant plan worked. The cleaning ladies mopping up the wet floor were so delighted at the free raincoats and the generous offer of $5 that they started singing and dancing. Using the brooms as poles, some even started pole dancing, although hip gyrating was a bit difficult given their advanced age.
The TV and the newspapers reported that visitors to the Esplanade on Sunday were given an unexpected treat: a live rehearsal of Singing In The Rain. -
10 November (Sunday) - that same evening the TV news reported the arrest of some senior citizens at the Esplanade. They were doing some lewd motions, like dirty dancing, using their broomsticks. And worse, they had nothing on under their yellow raincoats. -
31 October 2002 (Thursday) – the Unholy Trinity had an emergency meeting over the report that Malaysia is going to implement compulsory national service. This is a serious threat, for their army would dwarf Singapore’s. And of course, our water supply would also be threatened.
I opted for the Jump Ship, err Migrate, option. But father vetoed it. He wanted the SAF to invade and take over Malaysia. In three days. I dared not tell him that it takes more than one month for MINDEF just to locate all the reservists who will go AWOL during a real war.
Finally it was Ah Goh’s turn to speak. He said: “We buy water from Malaysia because we have little and they have plenty, and they sell cheap. Right? So since we have little men, and they have plenty, and labour is cheap, why don’t we buy Malaysian soldiers, specifically Chinese soldiers? Then the Singapore men don’t have to do National Service, and the PAP government will be very popular. We will also solve our immigration problem and rebalance the racial mix in Singapore. Malaysia will also get an additional source of income, and they would not need to charge us so much for water.”
Damn! Ah Goh is a brilliant economist, I grudgingly admit. Father leaned over to ask me for my opinion. “Father, such a brilliant idea makes it very hard for us to force him to step down as PM.”
Father spoke to Ah Goh: “What a stupid idea. You know the Malaysian Chinese are either former Communist Party of Malaysian cadres, drug smugglers or used-car vehicle conmen. These are not the foreign talent that we need.”
And so Ah GohÂ’s file papers were consigned to the secret storeroom, one of many X-files which will never see public discussion.
The next day, MINDEF issued a statement that they would be reviewing the national defence policy in light of MalaysiaÂ’s move. To overcome SingaporeÂ’s numerical inferiority, Singapore males may be required to do 5 years of National Service.
The day after, I was quoted as saying that MINDEF should reconsider its statement and be mindful of the burden that National Services imposed on the Singapore males. Damn, I am getting to be a good politician. -
Originally posted by LITTLEREDDOT:
well u didnt put 101 in dotology....and its easy to copy and paste
[b]That as the one in Coffeeshop? Do we look different?Dotology: are dots imposters?
[/b] -
Err, dot has graduated liao. Dot has moved from Dotology 101 to Dotology. Yes, it is easy to copy and paste. But luckily no imposter has done it so far. TELEPATH told dot about this SG Forum only about a month ago, and so dot signed in here.Originally posted by Peppermint:well u didnt put 101 in dotology....and its easy to copy and paste
This IS the real dot. Coffeeshop dot and this dot shares the same email.Dotology: are dots convincing? -
1 January 2003 (Wednesda) - the start of a new year, and it is time to do the annual test of the citizen's loyalty. Gotta start some issues to rally them around The King And I. We have decided that the era of the Unholy Trinity is over. It is now just The King And I.
I pulled out the budget allocated for Political Agitation in 2003. Of course, that was not the real description of the budget item. Officially, it was entered into the Government budget as National Development - Educational & Miscellaneous.
It is too dangerous to create an issue on the little red dot when the citizens are so jittery over JI extremists issue. My eyes strayed north to Johor. But no, it is too early to execute our plan to take over Johor. According to plan, that is slated for 2010 (when Singapore couldn't make it to the World Cup, and we need a major diversion).
Aha! I see a little lighthouse of an island east of Singapore. What's the name? My personal assistant took a few hours (don't anyone know anything around here?) became he came back with the answer: Pedra Branca. Perfect. That little economy there also deserves some government pump priming, don't it? I also discovered that Pedra Branca is part of the Bishan GRC. How convenient! That means it is within my jurisdiction. I okayed a construction and maintenance award for work to start immediately. I also called our moles in UMNO and PAS.
The next day, newspapers reported a demonstration by about 50 UMNO and PAS party supporters outside the Singapore embassy in Kuala Lumpur. The perfect start to the new year. -
1 January 2003 (Wednesday) – New Year’s day, and a day of rest. Time to go to the movies. I want to watch Lord of The Rings. I thought very carefully about the people I want to go with, and rounded up father, wife, Dr. Tony, Ah Kan Seng, my personal assistant and the children. I reminded the personal assistant to use the Citibank credit card, ‘cos can get 10% discount. Can’t be too careful with money nowadays with this prolonged recession, you know.
It was quite a sight as the fellowship made its way to the Eng Wah cinema at Suntec City. There was a troop of internal security men ahead of us, clearing the way. They were snarling and pushing their way through the crowd, making men fall and babies cry. Somehow they reminded me of orcs.
My guest list was carefully chosen. I was at the head of the pack, striding forward purposefully. My arrogant look and poise was deliberate, meant to invoke the image of a hero in the eyes of the crowd: Aragon, the future King. Next to me was my personal assistant, whom everyone in the civil service and PAP fears, for he is very good at arrowing people with unerring accuracy. It is a mere coincidence that I recently forced him to adopt the name Legolas. Father and Tony cut majestic figures, with their regal poise and white hair. I would have to admit that Tony is a nicer guy than father, and so he is more likely to be mistaken for Gandalf the White. So father would be mistaken for Saruman. Bringing up the rear was Kan Seng, walking as fast as his short legs would carry him. Who else can he be but Gimli the dwarf? The children tagged along, like hobbits.
There was a commotion at the rear. Women were shrieking, men were fleeing, and babies were crying. People were shouting: “Uruk-hai! Uruk-hai!” I turned around and saw dear wife. Oh dear, with such a grim look on her face, she was scaring everyone. -
2 January 2003 (Thursday) – CHEEN TO LAN!!! The first working day of the new year, and already got problems. The tudung issue has surfaced again, this time the father of the tudung pawn is from a political party. I am getting really to lan with the tudung affair.
Had a working lunch with the King and our advisors, the legislature lawyers. (We have decided that Ah Goh need not be involved in such matters anymore.) Over a lunch of tulang, several options were explored.
One idea was to brand the girl a political activist and a member of a political organization.
Another idea was to link the father with the JI extremist movement, and throw him into detention for an indefinite period.
A third idea was to treat the father as an anti-paedophile, as he has ‘violated’ the girl’s right to be exposed. And the punishment for anti-paedophiles is to banish them to Pedra Branca.
Another idea was a build a school for non-mainstream students i.e. students who have to observe religious practices. Of course, it would be in a prime location. I was for that idea, and was ready to include the building of a school in the construction programme that is currently going on in Pedra Branca.
But the moderates (yes, there are camps even within the King and Prince alliance) won over the radicals. They will adopt the same Plan A as they did last year, and will counsel the parents and gave them one monthÂ’s grace to comply. Damn, this is so boring. CHEEN TO LAN! -
21 January 2003 (Tuesday) – Over breakfast with the family, tears rolled down my face as I read the newspapers. I showed the family the news: “15-year old boy rapes 6-year old cousin”.
Father said: “Yes, what a prick that boy is.”
Mother said: “What a jerk!”
Wife said: “What an arse hole!”
Brother said: “Why are you crying?”
“I am crying because of my deprived childhood.”
Father said: “What deprived? We gave you the best in Singapore. You went to the best school, you were chauffered to school, had the best tuition teachers, had the best holidays, were top of the class every year.”
Mother added: “Yes, and you were Head Prefect, captain of the debating team and Chairman of the Political Society.”
“I am deprived because I never knew I could do it at that age. No one told me about the birds and bees until I was thirty years ago. Fifteen wasted years! I’ve always thought that everyone chooses their spouse based on academic results. No one taught me that the face and chest are important. And look at what I have ended up with.”
Father said: “Well, you have certainly made up for lost time. You are such a jerk and an arse hole now. You have surpassed me.”
Mother added: “And you have been raping the citizens in ways that dad did not even thought of.”
As usual, father and mother are wise. I felt much better after being counseled by them. I felt even prouder that I am doing better than father.
Made a note to take my children out from the schoolÂ’s sex education classes. They are too young for that, and it would detract from their studies. What is the world coming to nowadays, I wondered.
Made a note to cancel the credit card that I used to make online payments. That credit card that was on the list recovered by the UK police in a raid on child pornography that has already nabbed pop star Pete Townsend. I wonder if they would believe me if I said I accessed the site to do some research on paedophiles. Better take some safety precautions. Called the dirty old man of the family. “Uncle? This is your favourite nephew. I’ve misplaced my credit card. Do you mind if I borrow yours?” -
RewindÂ…to December 2002
December 2002 – Called up Kan Seng. “Tiger Cup time. Come over to my house.” Also called Hng Kiang (LHK) and Dr. Neo. LHK absolutely loves soccer games as it gives him a chance to celebrate. His way of celebrating is to bury his face into the beehive of Lily.
Called up father’s bookie Ah Long. Odds are heavily in favour of Singapore. I felt confident, as I have had insider information. I was given a personal briefing by Jan Poulsen, the coach of the Lions. He being a highly-paid foreign talent, I had the utmost confidence in him. Jan Poulsen said that the Lions have never been better prepared. “My boys are ready”, he declared confidently. A semi-final place is a certainty.
I decided to play hard ball and squeeze Ah LongÂ’s balls real hard: I bargained for a regular customer discount. Finally plunked down S$100,000 for Singapore to win by 2 goals. I read about how the English tabloids sensationalized English footballers being addicted to gambling. The boy-next-door Michael Owen reported lost Stg30,000 and one Chelsea player lost Stg400,000. Hehe, that is nothing compared to what father and I have been betting. I figured our yearly bets exceed the GDP of many small nations.
Ah Seng turned up, videocam in one hand and a pack of condoms in the other. “Where are the Thai girls?” he bawled. Honest mistake, I explained to an embarrassed Lily, who had turned red as a beetroot. LHK was also embarrassed, and found the perfect excuse to hide his face in Lily’s beehive. Lily’s hairdo was already ruined even before the match had started.
Ah Seng also put his bets. He betted on Malaysia to win by 3 goals or more. We stared at him as if he had gone bonkers. Has some Aids virus finally affected his brains, I wondered.
The match started. Ah Seng was not even interested in the game, and started doing blow jobs. He took out his pack of condoms and started making balloons. At the end of the match none of us, except Ah Seng, were laughing as Singapore was thrashed 4-0. Damn, Ah SengÂ’s insider tips are much better than mine. LHK was looking especially glum, as he did not have had a chance to celebrate.
Wife signalled to me and made a slitting motion across her throat, a sign that someone got to pay for this debacle. I grabbed the fruit knife and was about to plunge it into Ah Seng. LHK was terrified and he buried his face. Finally he was happy.
Wife managed to reach me in time and wrestled the knife from me. “Not him! Poulsen!” she snapped at me.
Ah Seng had fainted from fright and lie motionless on the floor among his balloons. Made a note to recover my S$100,000 by deducting from Jan Poulsen’s pay. Picked up Ah Seng’s mobile and called his bookie. “What is your tip for Singapore vs Laos?” -
6 February 2003 (Thursday) – What a bad start to the new year: 1% GST hike, Pedra Branca, tudung issue resurfaces, RSS Courageous, Columbia, US-Iraq war looming…. Surely things cannot get worst, I was thinking.
It did get worst. I received only a $10 ang pow from father on Chinese New Year. “Impact of GST” he explained.
Then I read the news today: “Births in Singapore hit a new low of 40,800 last year due to job insecurity, world uncertainty and the high costs of living. Many commoners cannot afford to have babies.”
Finally, some good news! It is about time Singapore has less of such lower-intelligence life forms. Only intelligent and pro-PAP life forms are desired in this little red dot.
I called Clonaid, the company who claimed to have created the first human clone. Brigitte Boisselier, the CEO, said that the first prototype looks good and healthy. It should be, I said, after all, it came from my genes. Told her to get the cloning line moving. I want the first batch of baby dragons to be delivered to our hospitals soon. They will replace all the newborn babies.
While on the line, I asked her to do some minor modifications to my own clone. Please give the clone the eyes of Tom Cruise, the nose of Michael Jackson, the physique of Brock Lesnar, the hair of Brad Pitt, a prick the size of John Holmes and the brains of Albert Einstein. Beauty and brains, I said with glee.
“You really want to surprise your wife huh?” she said. Boy, will she be surprised. I will tell her to pack her bags and go, ‘cos I will be getting a new trophy wife.
“Would you also want a clone for Madam HC?” Brigitte asked.
“No! No! No!” It would be too cruel to the world, I explained to her.
I sat back and gazed dreamily into the distant. Who should be my new wife? Fann Wong? Nah, father will not approve; she did not get straight As in her ‘O’ levels. Chu Mei Feng? Don’t think mother will approve; she does not look chaste enough. Hmm, I actually fancy a married woman who is also a colleague. She looks damn chio wearing the all-white of PAP. I always gets a hard-on whenever she stood up to speak in Parliament. And she is…
The phone rang and interrupted my fantasies. It was ClonaidÂ’s Brigitte. There was a little, er technical, problem, she said. What problem? They got the programming sequence wrong. Would I mind my clone having the eyes of Brad Pitt, the physique of Tom Cruise, the brains of John Holmes, the hair of Brock Lesnar, the nose of Albert Einstein and the prick of Michael Jackson? -
5 February 2003 (Thursday) – Important deadline tomorrow. The Economic Restructuring Committee (ERC) must give its recommendations. It has already been one year and my team of million-dollar ministers have been unable to come up with good recommendations. Time to get the experts’ views. So I logged onto Sammyboy Coffeeshop.
Some of these heartlander forumers do make a lot of sense with their postings. Made a note to call up this AHBENGSONG for a PAP tea party and dialogue session. Either he joins the men in white, or he will be sued left, right and center.
Copied and paste some postings from the forum. Good dayÂ’s work. -
6 February 2003 (Friday) – My big day. Presented the ERC’s recommendations. The key recommendation was my work: a freeze in CFP contributions for the next two years. The other recommendations were insignificant as they were put up by the other members of the ERC.
Felt very proud of myself. I have single-handedly made Singapore competitive and put economic growth back into Singapore. And I am doing all this for only one million dollars a year. Sometimes I wonder if I am doing it all too cheaply for Singapore.
Wife greeted me when I arrived home. She gave me a hug and kiss which almost caused me to puke. She is also very proud of me. Why donÂ’t we celebrate over dinner? Told her I got important urgent work to do, and excused myself. Went straight up to my study and logged onto Sammyboy Coffeeshop. Started defending the ERCÂ’s recommendations against the forumers. Damn! That AHBENGSONG is very critical. Very pissed with him. Decided to cancel his invitation to the tea party. Instead, called the ISD to intensify their search and ferret him out. Brand him a JI fundamentalist and throw him into indefinite detention without trial.