Is he over her? Or still in love?
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Ex-gf/bf are history and they have been imprinted in your history textbooks. They are history for a good reason. Usually its because they cannot keep up the same pace as me. It is a waste of time thinking and longing for them. Even if he/she is better than you, there is no fate between both of you. There is no way you can pull them back into your life like magnet because the fate dont allow. I rather look forward to meeting new people in my life than looking back. Because meeting new people is more fun (because of the same interests and outlook in life) and easier(fate allows) than looking back at your boring history textbooks (your ex).
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congrats on finally deciding what to do.
Good luck in finding your next guy :)
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Originally posted by Waitingforu:
Thank you everybody for all your insights.
I decided I will not pursue or wait for him. Even if he decides to likes me one day, I am not mentally strong enough to be in a relationship where I'm constantly under the threat of being replaced or know that my boyfriend still pines for somebody else.
He does know the way I feel, and we almost saw each other until he backed out and said he's not ready and wouldn't be fair for me.
Sorry to hear that TS but I think it's good for you and perhaps good for him as well because even if he decides to respond to your affection one day he will probably feel bad for you at the same time when he is still thinking about another girl (like i've developed my feelings for this guy but still thinking about my ex now) and it's not a good thing to establish a healthy relationship.
I'm sure one day you will find someone who is completely into you. Good luck.
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Originally posted by mr music:
Ex-gf/bf are history and they have been imprinted in your history textbooks. They are history for a good reason. Usually its because they cannot keep up the same pace as me. It is a waste of time thinking and longing for them. Even if he/she is better than you, there is no fate between both of you. There is no way you can pull them back into your life like magnet because the fate dont allow. I rather look forward to meeting new people in my life than looking back. Because meeting new people is more fun (because of the same interests and outlook in life) and easier(fate allows) than looking back at your boring history textbooks (your ex).
You sound like you've never been in love before. You sound almost too logical.
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Originally posted by becalm:
Sorry to hear that TS but I think it's good for you and perhaps good for him as well because even if he decides to respond to your affection one day he will probably feel bad for you at the same time when he is still thinking about another girl (like i've developed my feelings for this guy but still thinking about my ex now) and it's not a good thing to establish a healthy relationship.
I'm sure one day you will find someone who is completely into you. Good luck.
May I ask if u were to divide the feelings u feel for both guys, what's the percentage for each? Is it 70:30 as in 70 for ex and 30 for new guy?
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Originally posted by Waitingforu:
May I ask if u were to divide the feelings u feel for both guys, what's the percentage for each? Is it 70:30 as in 70 for ex and 30 for new guy?
ts you still hesitating right?
My situation is different. I think about my ex but no longer in love with him, I know who I want to be with that is the new guy. I think about my ex because of the guilty feeling that I've fallen for someone else. I respect and adore my ex and treasure his love for me, perhaps that's why.
TS, we shouldn't expect the other person to devide their feeings that way, it's not like doing maths. He can think about you 100% when he is with you, but the moment he has left your door, the image of that woman may pop up again. Sorry it's painful to hear but it can be true.
Anyway, though you said you are not in the position to talk to him but I still suggest you to find a way. He knew about you liking him, he said it's not fair for you to wait so I think it's not that you can't talk to him about it. Trust me, communication is very important. Better try and fail but you have an answer than doing nothing and get haunted by it. Let me ask you, you want to be like him or not? Having no answer, no closure to your question? And if one day someone comes into your life, would you want him to bear the same burden as you are having now?
But if you still have reasons to ask around rather than talking to him more about it, then I can assure you it's very much hopeless that he will get over her competely. That said, he may, but you can never tell when, and as I told you, only wait if you are emotionally, mentally strong enough to handle a draining future with him.
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Originally posted by becalm:
ts you still hesitating right?
My situation is different. I think about my ex but no longer in love with him, I know who I want to be with that is the new guy. I think about my ex because of the guilty feeling that I've fallen for someone else. I respect and adore my ex and treasure his love for me, perhaps that's why.
TS, we shouldn't expect the other person to devide their feeings that way, it's not like doing maths. He can think about you 100% when he is with you, but the moment he has left your door, the image of that woman may pop up again. Sorry it's painful to hear but it can be true.
Anyway, though you said you are not in the position to talk to him but I still suggest you to find a way. He knew about you liking him, he said it's not fair for you to wait so I think it's not that you can't talk to him about it. Trust me, communication is very important. Better try and fail but you have an answer than doing nothing and get haunted by it. Let me ask you, you want to be like him or not? Having no answer, no closure to your question? And if one day someone comes into your life, would you want him to bear the same burden as you are having now?
But if you still have reasons to ask around rather than talking to him more about it, then I can assure you it's very much hopeless that he will get over her competely. That said, he may, but you can never tell when, and as I told you, only wait if you are emotionally, mentally strong enough to handle a draining future with him.
Why do you feel guilty toward your ex about liking somebody else? Did you do your ex wrong, which is causing this guilt? If not, I don't see how/why you should feel guilt for feeling for somebody when you and your ex are finished, except for the obvious reason that you still love your ex. If you don't mind me pointing it out as a probability. Could it be you are denying that you still love your ex (on some level), deep inside you're fighting it, which causes you to reject the notion and you tell yourself its the new guy you only want to be with because logically, you know this is a more viable future (rather than ex which belongs to the past and reconciliation is harder)?
Honestly, we humans can't care less about anyone, especially former boyfriends/girlfriends when considering someone for a relationship unless we still love our ex. Its usually as simple as that. Some people don't even care about parents objections and blood is supposed to be thicker than water.
The reason I can tell you so certainly is because I've witnessed this in him. If he was over her, would he think about her so much as to 1) have such a big reaction after spying on her, that he needs to force himself to abstain 2) still go back to spying on her after months of abstinance. Are humans really that curious? About their ex-es? All my friends I know who have undoubtedly moved on, married, had kids, don't give a hoot about their ex to check their FB every 6 months, some don't even remember their ex's name. Most people reach this comfy stage of not caring about their ex at all within a year. But for him its 4.5 years now of no-contact with her. Its not as if this guy is very free and jobless, and has nothing occupying his time than to spy on the FB page daily for 6 weeks of somebody who is not even on his list. There are a few other incidents that happened in which he displays very big reaction when it comes to her. The truth is, I realized we humans won't have big reaction for things we don't care about. And its also thanks to the comments from other forummers that help me come to my conclusion. Dun you agree?
Maybe you don't have big reaction for your ex like my friend. I believe my friend's case is more chronic and severe.
But maybe you still love your ex. Otherwise I don't see why he would be bugging your mind at all.
I don't want to talk to him about the issue because we already did and he already rejected me. I don't want to throw myself at him like I'm on sale. I only asked for public opinion because I'm wondering if he's still in love with her or just don't fancy me. And I wondered whether he has hope in recovering. Seems like everyone feels he is gripped by obsession.
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obsessive compulsive disorder?
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Originally posted by [imdestinyz]:
obsessive compulsive disorder?
If its just due to the disorder, why dun he have this disorder obsessing over me?
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isn't it creepy if he ever gets so obsessive over u?
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Originally posted by Waitingforu:
If its just due to the disorder, why dun he have this disorder obsessing over me?
hahahahahah this is so funny sorry ts no offense
ts u appear to be a very smart girl. u deserve someone much better than that guy.
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im really wondering how TS will take it if there really is a guy who's OCD is TS herself.
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Originally posted by [imdestinyz]:
im really wondering how TS will take it if there really is a guy who's OCD is TS herself.
That woman is unaffected in her life by him it seems.
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what if you become the person a guy who is so obsessed with till the extent of almost a OCD?
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Reminds Me Of My Ex Just because it zips doesnt mean it fits
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Originally posted by Waitingforu:
Why do you feel guilty toward your ex about liking somebody else? Did you do your ex wrong, which is causing this guilt? If not, I don't see how/why you should feel guilt for feeling for somebody when you and your ex are finished, except for the obvious reason that you still love your ex. If you don't mind me pointing it out as a probability. Could it be you are denying that you still love your ex (on some level), deep inside you're fighting it, which causes you to reject the notion and you tell yourself its the new guy you only want to be with because logically, you know this is a more viable future (rather than ex which belongs to the past and reconciliation is harder)?
Honestly, we humans can't care less about anyone, especially former boyfriends/girlfriends when considering someone for a relationship unless we still love our ex. Its usually as simple as that. Some people don't even care about parents objections and blood is supposed to be thicker than water.
The reason I can tell you so certainly is because I've witnessed this in him. If he was over her, would he think about her so much as to 1) have such a big reaction after spying on her, that he needs to force himself to abstain 2) still go back to spying on her after months of abstinance. Are humans really that curious? About their ex-es? All my friends I know who have undoubtedly moved on, married, had kids, don't give a hoot about their ex to check their FB every 6 months, some don't even remember their ex's name. Most people reach this comfy stage of not caring about their ex at all within a year. But for him its 4.5 years now of no-contact with her. Its not as if this guy is very free and jobless, and has nothing occupying his time than to spy on the FB page daily for 6 weeks of somebody who is not even on his list. There are a few other incidents that happened in which he displays very big reaction when it comes to her. The truth is, I realized we humans won't have big reaction for things we don't care about. And its also thanks to the comments from other forummers that help me come to my conclusion. Dun you agree?
Maybe you don't have big reaction for your ex like my friend. I believe my friend's case is more chronic and severe.
But maybe you still love your ex. Otherwise I don't see why he would be bugging your mind at all.
I don't want to talk to him about the issue because we already did and he already rejected me. I don't want to throw myself at him like I'm on sale. I only asked for public opinion because I'm wondering if he's still in love with her or just don't fancy me. And I wondered whether he has hope in recovering. Seems like everyone feels he is gripped by obsession.
no ts, I'm pretty sure I don't think about my ex the way I used to before. I already told you, he is someone I adore and respect so there is no reason for me to forget about him totally. Why should I? When someone walked out of your life, it doesn't mean we need to completely erase everything about them. But you're right though. I did him wrong in some way, that's probably why I'm feeling guilty.
ts, i think you're over-analyzing things. It's just getting more complicated that way. If you've already decided to let go of him, then you must do things to support your decision. If you're still reading too much into this, there will be a very long way to go for you to get over him.
But my 2 cents, don't give up because you're afraid you will appear desperate to him and that you're like an item on sale, only stop trying if you see that you stand no chance to win his heart or you can't be happy with him even if you manage to do so in the end. This doesn't sound practical but trust me, it's a big lesson many people learnt.
Cheers
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Originally posted by [imdestinyz]:
what if you become the person a guy who is so obsessed with till the extent of almost a OCD?
I don't mind if it's right guy I want. Hahahah.