BUt still have a merry Christmas 
http://www.newsmax.com/smith/santa_china/2007/12/19/58254.htmlSanta Collides With Chinese Military PlaneWednesday, December 19, 2007 10:34 AM
Santa Claus has been brought down somewhere over the South China Sea in an apparent collision with a Chinese fighter jet.
The collision occurred while St. Nick was flying his sleigh on a return trip from Hong Kong to the North Pole.
“Our pilots were flying within a reasonable distance when one of them was blinded by the lead reindeer’s nose. This caused him to lose control of his jet and accidentally fire two heat-seeking missiles that collided with the sleigh,” stated the Chinese foreign minister.
According to the Chinese defense ministry, Santa’s sleigh was being escorted by J-8 fighters from Hainan Island. The Chinese government characterized the fighter escorts as a precaution against Santa’s “aggressive acts that endanger lives.”
“We have credible reports that Santa Claus has injured elderly women with his reindeer driven sleigh,” noted the spokesman for the Chinese Foreign Ministry.
“We acted prudently with self-defense measures to ensure that he did not intrude illegally into the airspace of the People’s Republic,” stated the spokesman.
“The offensive and aggressive actions by Santa Claus caused this unfortunate accident to occur. The fault rests entirely with the North Pole.”
The Chinese pilot managed to eject safely and was picked up later by a Chinese navy patrol boat. Santa Claus, however, has not been found and whether he survived the collision is not known.
U.S., Japanese and Taiwanese naval units are scouring the area in the hopes of finding St. Nick alive but hope is fading. China has lodged an official protest against the joint-naval rescue effort, noting the entire South China Sea, and in fact, the entire Pacific Ocean is considered Chinese territorial waters.
The tension over the shoot down of Santa Claus caps a year of drama between the North Pole and Beijing. Beijing denied the shoot-down occurred because of the failing trade ties between the worldÂ’s biggest provider of Christmas gifts and the largest manufacturer of toys.
“This unfortunate incident has nothing whatsoever to do with the North Pole banning Chinese made toys,” stated the Chinese spokesman angrily.
“We all know that the lead levels in Chinese made toys are only slightly lethal and as long as children don’t remove them from the packaging they are perfectly safe.”
The North Pole disagreed. Santa’s head elf commented that Beijing was very upset on the ban of Chinese made toys and that Chinese air force fighter jets had been playing “chicken” in the air with Santa, trying to scare his reindeer.
“We are not a political organization. We took these trade measures simply to protect all the good little boys and girls from harm. Even the bad children only get clean burning, sulfur-free, coal in their stockings along with Al Gore’s DVD on global warming,” said Santa’s elf.
The elf also denied reports circulated by the Chinese military that Santa was on an illegal spy mission over the mainland.
“Santa’s sleigh is clearly marked as civilian and he was flying well inside international air space,” stated the elf.
“Santa has repeatedly offered to allow close inspections to assure authoritarian states that he is not engaged in any illegal activities. We had to deny access to the Chinese military because they appeared to be more interested in copying the propulsion and navigation systems on Santa’s sleigh than inspecting to ensure he was not only any so-called spy flight.”
The toy ban is not the only incident between China and the North Pole.
China also came into conflict with the elves in the past few months. Elf union representatives met this past year with members of the Chinese labor force in order to inspect mainland factories for human rights violations.
“We noted that even though we [elves)]work 24 hours a day, seven days a week, all year long under extreme conditions in the North Pole, for no pay . . . Our work environment was still better than the Chinese,” stated the labor representative of the Elf Union.
The incident has brought some response from other capitals around the world. North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il released a statement critical of BeijingÂ’s actions.
“I was expecting a 2008 Mercedes this year to add to my collection,” said the official DPRK news outlet quoting the dear leader.
The Bush White House expressed concern over the loss of Santa but noted that the president hoped it would not interfere with Sino-U.S. trade relations.
Congressional leaders in Washington from both parties also expressed concern over the shoot down. The only exception was Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y., who simply replied “Bah! Humbug!”
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